You stand by me
by BadCookie
Summary: "She began to walk towards him, but he backed away. He listened to her, but it was in one ear and out the other, to him it still seemed like the train station all over again, the positions reversed" Future! Finchel. Set a couple of years in the future. Rachel didn't get the part of Fanny, but apart from that it all canon from season 4. Quite an angsty start.
1. Torn From Life Part 1

Moving to New York few years back had been scary. He knew it would, but it was probably the best risk he took. Soon after graduating and doing well in his teaching degree, surprising even himself, he decided; one dream for filled, time to seal the next. Rachel.

Having always through New York would and could only ever be for her, he decided to stop jeopardising his own happiness and have it all. Have a career and the love of his life all in the same city. He's not going to lie. It was hard, really hard at first. Rachel had her own life, without him, she had opportunities after NYADA and friends he certainly didn't get on with. She'd changed, grown, like him, but he still loved her.

He lasted about a week in the loft with her, Kurt and Santana until it was all too much. He'd lived with Kurt, but not like this. Somehow he'd got touchier, you couldn't even breathe near his stuff left alone move it even slightly. Santana wasn't too bad, she was still a bitch and had no shame in it, but when she was angry at anything, you'd know about it, and then Kurt would get involved followed by Rachel. So Finn would just sit there, head darting back and forth like he was watching a fast tennis match, and most of the time he agreed with Santana, though he'd never admit that and give her the satisfaction or have Rachel yell at him for not being team Kurt.

Then there was Rachel herself. His beautiful little piece of perfection. It was awkward living with her, yes; they loved each other but had been apart for so long and changed without the other. There wasn't the closeness he just expected would still be there. They were tethered, sure, but the tether needed some maintenance, and they were both willing to put in the work for it. So that same summer he moved out the loft and into a small apartment and was followed closely by Santana surprisingly. She'd seemed to have had enough of the Hummelberry way of life and figured Finn wouldn't mind if her "friends" stayed the night, which he didn't. By September of his first year in New York him and Santana were soon joined by Puck, unexpectedly, but he didn't have much stuff and sorta fitted in with the rather student life style Santana and Finn seemed to lead, both of them struggling slightly on the job front, but enjoying the city (night) life.

It wasn't until February that Finn got his first proper teaching post. He remembered the phone call, he'd just spent the night over at Rachel's, which was nothing surprising, and was in the shower when her face suddenly appeared where the curtain was, beaming. She'd taken the call and accepted for him there and then on the spot, some people would call her controlling, but Finn knew it as her way of looking after him.

So the past few years had been sort of bliss. Being a substitute was awesome for Finn, he only accepted the jobs near and around the city so he didn't have to be too far from Rachel, who was getting odd parts in shows off Broadway, which Finn had and loved to attend. Their relationship was finally getting back to the way he remembered it, they were still young and very much back in love, although he was sure they never fell out of it.

It was one of those evening when they found they could have one of the apartments to themselves. Santana said she was going out to a club and wouldn't probably be back until morning, but by now all of them had caught on to the fact she was secretly going to see Brittany who had moved to the city to peruse her dance career, and Santana was helping with...flexibly. And Puck had heard about some collage party and was desperately ready to let off some steam because apparently Finn was boring. So Finn had decided to take Rachel out for the evening then back to his empty apartment. She had been distant lately, and he'd noticed, but had put it down to this big audition she kept banging on about. He tried to listen, but when it came to her career it was always "Broadway stage!" and "This time it is my dream role!" and "Barbra would be proud!" But he got the impression this one was really big, she was busy practicing and Finn was cool with that, it was her dream and they'd both decided early on in the relationship they would support each other with their career's, although Finn kept it a secret he turned down all the jobs too far from New York because he didn't want to be too far from Rachel. But tonight she was all his, wearing a loose, low cut top showing her cleavage which looked awesome, and a short tight skirt. He decided to take her out to a bar, so the both of them could have some fun; something they hadn't done in a while because she'd been so busy.

He couldn't remember when he got so out of hand, was it the club or the second bar? But the evening had ended with Rachel half carrying her boyfriend up to his apartment after his last stop for the evening, a Karaoke Bar. Normally Rachel would have loved showing the crowd a thing or two, but it seemed tonight after the amount of alcohol Finn had consumed he wanted to wow the audience. And after his rendition of Bruno Mars's Locked Out Of Heaven, where he didn't take his eyes off Rachel breast, she decided to call it a night for the both of them having stayed completely sober.

He was still singing as she unlocked the door for him and helped him to the coach, patting his shoulder as the double checked they were alone, and Santana hadn't decided to bring Brittany back.

"I was really good, wasn't I baby?" Finn was squinting up at her, reaching out to pull her onto his lap.

She couldn't help but giggle at how adorable he looked, "yes. You were, in fact I just got a text from Bruno and he wants you to tour with him," she said sarcastically moving behind the couch to the phone to check his messages. Their relationship had got to the level where Finn was ready to try moving in again, but was really waiting for Kurt and Blaine to get their act together and move out the loft so he and Rachel could have it to themselves. For now they were settling with practically living out of the two apartments so sometimes Finn would get the odd voicemail from her dads on his machine and she'd get them from Finn's potential employers. She pressed the button and the robotic voice came from the machine saying there was a new message as Finn spoke again, he'd turned on the couch to watch her move round his apartment and pointed at her with a cheeky smile on his face, "you're lying to me, aren't you, Rachie."

"Yes, Finn, I am," she tried to shut him up quickly so she could listen to the message. Finn only laughed and slumped back to the couch humming softly the same song to himself and a male voice filled the room, "Hello, Mr Hudson, it's Mr Michaels here, we spoke earlier in the week about you potentially joining our school for a month as a music teacher? Listen, we're sorry to hear that you want to stay in New York, but I'm sure we can come to some arrangement, money wise, to change your mind. Here in San Francisco our school is highly respected and we'd really love for you to join us, even for a short period of time. We hope you'll reconsider our offer, thank you, and I hope to hear from you soon."

The message ended and Rachel slowly turned on her heel to look at the back of Finn's head, "you turned down a job as a music teacher? Finn, are you kidding me? That's what you said you wanted! You were fed up of the math and history and wanted to be the music teacher for once! That guy sounded like a pretty big deal, and you just want to blow him off like that?! Really, Finn Hudson?!"

He clocked her tone even in his drunken state, and really didn't want to talk about this now. Sure, like all the other job too far away, he turned it down, maybe it was a really good school and it meant he would finally be able to teach something he loved and was passionate about, be he loved Rachel more and didn't want to spend a whole month away from her, "not now Rachel, Finn tired and Finn wants to cuddle with Rachel."

She walked right over to him and stood so he couldn't get to his bedroom, " no, Finn! It's not something you can just shrug off, you can't just turn down an opportunity like this," he pouted at her, trying to get her to mellow about the situation, but she wasn't budging. He got up, his signature half smile creeping across his face as he began to wrap his arms round her waist, but she tensed and quickly jumped away from him, "Finn, no." He looked at her confused and starting to get irritated, "come on, Rach! I don't want to get into it now; can we just go to bed?"

"Finn, you can't walk away from this job," there was silence as he looked down and shuffled his feet and she watched him, "and I won't let you."

That was when he snapped, "You won't let me?! You? Are you fucking kidding me right now Rachel?! You're saying you want me to go work for a month on the other side of the country from you?! To be without you for so long?!"

She slowly nodded as she finally understood what his was all about, "here we go again. Finn, it not that big of a deal, it's a month, we'll be fine. Nothing will...nothing will change dramatically. We'll still be together, but you need this job for yourself."

"No! No, Rachel," she was yelling now moving towards the bedroom door, "no! I can't...I don't want to be without you, we've just got everything back. I don't want to leave now," he knew he was over reacting, but that was the alcohol which was now making the tears build behind his eyes, "you hated me for putting you on that train! This is the same thing."

"Finn..." she looked at him sympathetically, knowing that he was just making himself more upset by bringing back those memories, "that was different, we were young and naïve, now surely you know I want you to go for the same reasons as you wanted me to go then, but our relationship won't change. I love you, and it's just a month you'll be coming back, this time I know you will, please calm down, baby."

She began to walk towards him, but he backed away. He listened to her, but it was in one ear and out the other, to him it still seemed like the train station all over again, the positions reversed, "NO NO NO NO NO!" He was at the door now yelling loudly looking for something to exert his anger on so he slammed the door in Rachel face, "I'm not leaving you for a minute, I don't care what we said, I've turned down so many jobs because I don't want to leave you! And I know we said we wouldn't get like that, and you haven't, you've been off getting ready for this audition, but I'm not able to do that!" He kicked the leg of his bed and Rachel flinched at the sound, he had changed and grown up, but after his confession she realised maybe it wasn't as much as she had. "Finn, we're not teenagers anymore, please, you can see that can't you? You can't keep clinging on to me, you have to do this on your own, like you went to college and you coached the glee club those years back. Baby? You're listening aren't you?" She slid down the door frame to the floor, exhausted. She knew there was no point in trying to get him to open the door at this point, so she settled for trying to comfort him through the door and she heard his pacing the room and occasionally kicking things.

"Go home, Rachel. Leave me alone." His voice was monotone, and he'd finally stopped moving around.

"Finn...I..." There was silence and he expected her to leave, but she didn't move, she couldn't leave like this, not with him the way he was, drunk and angry. But she knew he was done for the night, maybe he needed to sleep on it, calm down. So she stayed, on the floor, all night. She must have silently cried herself to sleep in the early hours of the morning, her hand rubbing her stomach, trying to comfort herself and the room behind Finn's door stayed silent.


	2. Torn from Life Part 2

He must have fallen asleep as soon as he fell back on his bed. He was still in his clothes from last night, shoes tied and everything. Last night was a haze, and his head hurt for reasons he couldn't quite remember yet. Finn rubbed his face in his hands and he sat up rather too quickly so he let out a moan. Now he remembered. He was drunk. Very drunk.  
"Damn it," he whispered as his head pounded and throbbed. With his eyes still tightly closed so the sunlight couldn't blind him, he fumbled for the handle of the draw besides his bed, searching for aspirin which Santana had sworn by for the three of them if they wished to stay in the "party house". Even with the glass of water by his bed he dry swallowed, slowly opening his eyes, but wishing he haven't. It was still early. The sun rise was a blazing orange which illuminated his normally dark room. The few picture frames he had reflected the light back onto his face so he got up to take off his clothes from last night. He slipped on a fresh T-shirt and boxers, figuring he'd get some coffee and sleep off the hang over before calling Rachel.

Rachel.

They had a fight, it started to come back to him. The job. Leaving. Her. "Fuck," he whispered again, his voice still tired and his throat swore from the shouting he must had done last night. He ran his fingers through his already messed up 'fin' on his head, and sighed heavily as he tried to remember what he'd said and done.

She'd left. He yelled at her and he told her to go. To leave him. God, he could be a douche sometimes. He sighed again leaning against his chest of draws, regretting his decisions last night. He should have heard her out, he should have listened to her, she only ever wants what's best for him, and he knew that deep down. But he also knew he loved her and couldn't leave her for that long. He grabbed his phone to check the time, 6:30. She would have got home at 2am-ish if she left as soon as he told her, so calling her was out the question. She'd be asleep, and probably still angry at him, he knew he'd still be angry if he were her. He'd want food as an apology, and tickets to the Giant's game, so for Rachel that meant vegan ice cream and tickets to a show. And he'd give her that. Of course he would, be loved her and needed her forgiveness. A text? Would that wake her? She'd been so tired recently, and when Rachel slept she either slept like a log and nothing could wake her, normally after a long rehearsal or like she had been recently or she'd sleep lightly and even the tiniest noise would wake her, he couldn't take that chance and have her more irritated when the spoke later, so he left it for now. Deciding to call in a few hours.

With one last sigh he began the agonising hung over journey to the kitchen for his coffee. The turn of the door handle sounded like a bullet to his delicate ears, and he moaned once again as all he desperately wanted was silence. He took a step forward and nearly fell flat on his face, but instead stumbled over what seemed to be a log, "what the fu-Rachel?!"

He hadn't woken her, she only stirred in her half curl position on the floor, leaning against his doorframe. He just stood looking down at her perplexed. She stayed. She was still here. All night. She waited for him. Outside his door. His expression softened as he smiled at the drama of it all and how much she must have loved it, despite how much he hurt her. Finn crouched down to get a better view of her face, she'd been crying, he could tell, he knew that face. Reserved only for him. It was times like this he'd look at her and not see Rachel Berry; city woman, NYADA graduate, future Broadway star, but Rachel Berry; Lima girl, junior year, Finn Hudson just broke my heart...again.  
"Oh Rachel," he said breathily, sighing and tucking a lose strand of hair behind her ear. She looked so peaceful, but his girl didn't deserve the floor. So he scooped her up in his arms and took her to his bed. She wasn't that heavy, so it was easy, even hung over, to place her gently on the covers, head moulding into his soft pillows. She was so beautiful to him. So perfect. So mesmerising. How couldn't she see leaving her side was next to impossible to him. She was like the south magnet to his north. They were tethered.  
Finn carefully unzipped her skirt and slipped it off her smooth hips, and found her a pair of his boxers, to replace her skirt. His movements were slow, and gentle, he was scared even the slightest movement would wake her. Her top proved to be more difficult, but Rachel was dead to the world, her body limp and easy to move. So he took her hands in his and pulled her up into a sitting position, wrapping her arms round his neck and placing her head on his chest. He smiled at the contact of their bodies, it felt like they hadn't been this close in ages. She'd been so "busy". With her safely rested on him he took the hem of her top in his hands and began to lift it above her shoulders, pushing her away and holding her bare back in one hand as the other pulled the fabric off her arms. Looking only at her face, he gently placed her back on the pillows, Rachel still sound asleep. Finn chuckled softly at how she'd managed to stay asleep through that. He also though he deserved an award for doing it without her waking. Tossing the light material of her top form hand to hand his eyes began to wonder down her body. Typical Rachel not wearing a bra on a night out, he only hoped it was a plan to make his job easier, but his smirked quickly vanished and the top fell from his hands and he froze in shock.

Finn Hudson knew Rachel Berry's body well. He'd known her for three years in high school, and for most of it they'd been intimate, and he'd been her fiancé, he had also spent the past two years with her being her boyfriend, and they definitely weren't innocent anymore. So it was safe to say he knew that her stomach hadn't looked like that a few weeks ago. And he knew for a fact that even if Rachel had gained some weight it would go to her thighs first, and on removing her skirt he saw they were as toned and perfect as ever. So in Finn's mind that only left one thing.

After a hour of sitting at the other end of the bed, just stirring and her stomach, he'd thought things over in his head, trying to see if the possibility of Rachel being pregnant was even possible. She didn't drink last night. That was a start, he knew pregnant woman weren't allowed to drink, and although Rachel wasn't known to be a mad, wild, party girl, she did have a few drinks normally when then went out. He even remembered her turning down his offer to buy her one. She'd also been distant. He'd put that down to just practice for the audition, but she'd normally always find time for him, but this time he knew it was different. And she was always tired, which is why they hadn't been on any proper dates recently, it was all starting to fall together. The past few months were starting to make sense to him now. She'd been scared to tell him, because she knew just like he did, he'd drop everything for her and their child. He'd become the stay at home dad, he'd give up teaching for them both. He'd lose that dream... but he'd start another. Which was why she was adamant he took the San Francisco job, so she could hide it a little longer and he could still have a dream.

At 8am he'd begun to digest it all. Sure he was scared as hell. It was a baby, a little half him, half her. Oh God, a mini Rachel Berry. How would he cope? He chuckled at the thought of a little Rachel running round his feet, she was dressed in a flowery sun dress with little sparkly pumps, her thick dark hair in ponytails on top her prefect head. She'd be singing, of course, and he'd be chancing her to get her to have a nap, but she saw it as a game, which only made her laugh, almost a high pitched squeal, but he'd catch her and wrap her up in his arms and tickle her feet, she had the same tickle spots as her mommy, until she was tired. Then he'd let her sleep in his arm, and wouldn't let anyone hurt her, because he'd whisper that she was always safe in daddy's arms. Rachel's soft moan brought him out of his day dream and his eyes snapped onto her every move, "shhh, baby, don't wake up just yet," he crawled over to her to place a soft kiss on her forehead, Finn swore he saw her smile before she settled back in the pillows, still asleep. He stayed hovered over her for a moment, how could she keep this a secret and still act so cool with it all. It was heavy situations like this where he'd panic, but Rachel had managed to stay relatively calm, yes she had been hiding slightly, but when they were together, he didn't suspect a thing. She was still cheery Rachel. And that was just one of the many reasons why he loved her, she was his rock and he hers. They bounced off each other. If one was anxious they'd have the other to lean on. But for this, for the baby, Finn wanted to be there for Rachel, if google had taught him anything in the last few hours, it was; she can't be more than 12 weeks gone judging by the size of her bump and that she was going to need him now more than ever with the changes she was going to have to face.

Once content with Rachel's soft snores, Finn let his eyes wonder back to the little bump just inches from him. They'd created life, a baby, a soon to be living thing. He smiled and placed one hand on Rachel's exposed stomach. He was touching his child. It was all so surreal, but felt so right. Rachel was the only person he'd ever want to go through this with, she was is hero and soulmate, and now mother of his child. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he gently rubbed Rachel's tiny bump. Finn moved to eye level with it and placed a kiss right on the centre, "I love you baby," he whispered to the bump, "and you, baby," he lifted his head to a sleeping Rachel. He grabbed a blanket and pulled it over his girlfriend, covering up his child in the process, and left the room for coffee for them both.

The sound of the door closing woke her up. That and probably the slight nausea she felt. She moaned and rolled on her side wanting the uncomfortable feeling to go away, but it didn't, she hugged the blanket close to her bare skin and gasped in shock. She was half naked...in Finn's bed, with no recollection of it. They hadn't...they couldn't have...she definitely fell asleep outside his door. She stretched out her arm, and realised Finn was up, and she could hear a kettle boiling. He must have moved her, and undresses her, any excuse to see her naked. She laughed, it was cute how much Finn loved her, every inch of her body, it make her feel sexy to know she had the power to see him melt like an ice cube on a hot day by simply bending over. Her hand gravitated towards her stomach as a wave of nausea ripped through her, the best way for managing it, she found, was gently rubbing circles on the bump, she'd have to let Finn know that when she eventually told him. Told him. Something she really should get round to doing. She told herself every day, today is the day, but she'd find an excuse to keep him from it every time. Truth be told, she was scared for him, scared that he'd go back to hiding from himself. Push his problem and dreams away to look after their child. It would be like senior year all over again. He looked out for Rachel and not himself. But ever since finding his passion in teaching, he put himself back at number one, where he belonged. Telling him the news would only set him back, and she couldn't do that to him, especially not after last night. His confession confirmed he was starting to drop back into old ways, and talking the job in San Francisco might help him find himself again.  
Her thoughts were disrupted by Finn's re-entrance, "oh, you're up now?" He set the coffee on the nightstand next to her, "I found you on the floor outside, you looked uncomfortable, so I carried you back here," he was sheepish and Rachel remained silent, he need to apologise to her first, she was still upset he asked her to leave, "look, Rae, I'm sorry. About everything," a victory smile grew across her face, but she hid it by taking the mug to her lips as Finn continued, "and I've been thinking, I should take that job," she nearly choked on her coffee, "the money is good and who knows, we could do with a good bit of money...for the future..." Finn wasn't going to come right out and say that he knew, he wanted her to tell him, to break the good news, and, maybe, who knew, he could have got it all wrong. Maybe he didn't even know he wanted a baby so bad, that he made it all up in his head.  
"Finn, that's incredible! I'm so glad you decided to take it! It'll be good for you, I promise. And I'll be here waiting for you when you get back, I won't have changed a bit," she lied.  
"Oh, you can change Rach, just only a little bit, but I promise to love you even more when you do," she rises and eyebrow at him, but shrugged it off, he couldn't have known, he just couldn't.  
Obviously she wasn't ready to tell him yet, and in a sense that worried him. She'd have to tell him after his trip, which meant a month of him secretly worrying about her and their child constantly. But they would need the money, so he'd have to live with it, without her for a month.


	3. Torn from Life Part 3

_**Note**__: I don't know if this was expected, but originally the story ended after this chapter. But I loved it so much it kept going, lucky you guys! And thank you so much for the reviews, there aren't many, but I love reading each of them, I do a little Rachel Berry happy clap each time I read them! :) _

Finn hated planes. For a man of his height they were toucher. He had next to no leg room and to top it all off he was sandwiched between an elderly married couple. The husband was relatively silent during the flight, but his wife was eager to explain her life story to Finn, and being the gentleman he listened politely as she talked about her childhood cat and younger sisters she used to play dress up with. He began to pitty the man slightly, it was clear she was controlling, but he'd put up with it for, how long did she say? 45 years. He hoped he and Rachel would be married that long, and longer. He smiled kindly as she went on about how her husband always left his shoes out and burnt the diner and never made the bed, but as they got close to landing she finally settle in her seat and said softly, "I wouldn't have him or our 45 years any other way. 3 children and a whole lot of memories later and we're still as in love as we were when we were teenagers." Finn smiled as he fastened his seat belt as the pilot instructed the rest of the passengers.

San Francisco had been fun. The teaching was everything he'd expected, the school and students nice enough, but he never really settled as he found himself constantly thinking of Rachel and the baby. Going was a good idea, he decided in the end. It gave him time to think, rationally and not being on egg shells waiting for Rachel to actually announce the pregnancy. She'd be about 16 weeks now. Her bump might be more noticeable, and soon he'd get to feel his little one kick, but she still hadn't said anything to him. They skyped every night for hours, and constantly be texting back and forth, but no mention of the baby. There was a patch two weeks into the separation when they didn't Skype as much, Rachel said she was busy again, and all Finn could think of was the baby making her tired, so he let her rest and eased up on the contact, settling for a phone call a day. Finn knew a baby is meant to scare him, it would be hard work and he'd be responsible for another life, and he could hardly look after himself sometimes. But his mind would always wonder back to a sleeping Rachel, at peace and him touching her hardly there bump. Being apart from the both of them had taught him how much he wanted this. A family, with Rachel.

They hit the ground with a bump, shaking Finn from his thoughts. Not long now, not long until Rachel would be back in his arms and hopefully with some news for him. His smile grew with excitement and the elderly woman notice it as she got up from her seat, "someone special waiting for you?"  
Finn turned to look at her, "someone really special," he smiled at her and got out of his seat grabbing his bag and leaving the plane as quickly as he could.

Rachel had been waiting for hours. She knew the landing time, but couldn't help herself, she had to see him. The last two weeks had been awful without him, she knew she told him to go, to have fun, but she never anticipated for things to get so bad. She'd miss him so much, missed the little things, the way he'd get her coffee on a Sunday morning, the way he'd offer her his clothes to make her feel safe, the way he'd always make her feel immediately calm with just a look. He was her rock, and God knows she needed him more than was humanly possible.  
She checked her phone for the second time in the last 5 minutes, he landed 10 minutes ago, she saw the plane land, and some people from his flight had started to come through. Rachel coughed and just stared at her phone, hoping for a text, anything from him.

I like you in my hoodie, especially my high school one...xxx

She smiled and looked around frantically searching for her boyfriend, and sure enough, standing a few feet from her was her tall, dorky Finn, with a goofy smile she'd missed so much. The mere sight of him was enough to make her burst into tears, and she did. Finn hurriedly dropped his bag and rushed to her side, pulling her close for a hug, but not too close...  
"Baby? What's the matter? I'm back now," he smiled at her antics and pulled her head to his chest, stroking her long silky hair as he whispered soothing words in her ear, "it's alright now, I'm here. I missed you so much, I missed your beautiful face on my pillow, I missed the smell of your shampoo, I missed the sound of your singing in the shower." He looked down at her buried in his shirt and smiled, she was like a little girl, his little girl, "you're alright aren't you baby? Like, you're healthy and everything?" His mind immediately going to thoughts of his other little one.  
Rachel clung tight to his chest not wanting to let him go and simply nodded, she had no words for him at this point. She just needed to hold him close and have him comfort her. "Okay, baby, lets get you home, alright?" She was in no state to tell him now he guessed, maybe once he'd got her home and she'd perked up she'd tell him. Finn had been practicing his surprised face all week and was sure he'd mastered it enough to fool Rachel. He wrapped one arm round her waist to hold her up, but she immediately moved his hand and held onto it instead giving he a small smile in response.

Finn knew something wasn't right by the way she was constantly looking at him in the taxi to hers. She'd barely stopped crying the whole journey and he was starting to worry. At the moment he was putting down her behaviour to pregnancy hormones, but he had a scary feeling it was more than that, "you alright, babes?" He asked her quietly, squeezing her hand as she hadn't let go of his since she'd grabbed in it the airport.  
"I'm fine," she brushed off, "Kurt has been away with Blaine for the past month, Santana has been with Britt and who knows what Pucks been up to, so I was just a bit lonely." She tried to smile at him, but it was weak.  
"You sure that's it, that's all you have to tell me? I've been away for a month and nothing else has happened?" He glared at her, eyes wide almost egging her on, pleading for her to tell him so they could start getting excited together.  
Rachel bit her bottom lip hard, biting back the set of tears which rose with his questions, "that's is, nothing else has changed." She went to looking out the window, unable to look at his face anymore. She would have to explain everything at one point, she'd have to break his heart and tell him all the secrets she'd kept hidden. But not today, it was all getting too much for her today, and the thought of having to spend the evening hiding it from him was too much, "You should go back to yours Finn," his eyes snapped to her head as she spoke, confused, "yeah, you should go home and relax, and I'll see you tomorrow. That's a good plan. I'll text you if I need anything, okay?" She sniffed and opened her door as the driver pulled up outside the loft and Finn struggled to find words, "wha-Rach-I don't-"  
"I'm fine, Finn. But I want to...practice, I need to practice. I'll text you later, okay?" She was talking to him through the window and blew him a kiss, quickly giving the driver his address before heading inside. All Finn could do was watch her out the back window as he drove away.

He got to his apartment in a daze, his head still full of Rachel. What was wrong with her? Sure, she was pregnant and allowed to be crazy, and maybe she did just want some space, but he'd been gone for a month giving her space! She said she'd been lonely, she wasn't making any sense! Finn was about to turn round back out the door and demand answers from Rachel when Santana's head popped round the kitchen door, "Fetus Face! You're back!" She stepped out from behind the door filing her nails and a loud rumble of movement from the living room echoed through the apartment and suddenly Puck was running at him like a puppy. "Dude!" He practically jumped into his arms as he hugged his friend, "we didn't expect to see you til tomorrow what with Rachel," Finn signed as Puck let him go and stepped into the apartment dropping his bag outside his door and making his way to the lounge, exhausted, "don't even mention her, she's crazy." He slumped down on the couch and the others followed him, Puck sitting next to he and Santana opposite on a chair, "well I'm sure many people have told you that on a number of occasions, you just chose not to listen, or did football really mess up your brain more than it already was when you were born?" She crossed her legs, examining her nails, "but seriously, how is she?"  
Finn ran is hands over his face, exhaling deeply, "honestly? I have no clue. She told me to go home and that she needed to practice," he lent back on the couch trying to relax, but his roommates exchanged anxious looks, "oh?" Puck questioned and Finn immediately sat back up looking at the two of them, "what? Something's going on that I don't know about, tell me! I'm fed up of people keeping stuff from me," he was rather harsh with his words, more that he expected, but it was a mixture of tiredness and irritation causing him to get angry.

"Dude, we don't really know much..." Puck looked at Santana, hoping she'd continue with the story.  
"Look, Tubs, all we know is that Rachel...we think something's up with her. We would have called you about it but she insisted we didn't."  
Finn looked confused from one face to the other, "I don't understand, she-"  
Santana held up her finger to silence him, "I'm not finished," Finn shut up and she continued, "She came over here, what? It must have been," she looked at Puck for conformation, "2 weeks ago?" He nodded in agreement looking back at Finn, "crying her eyes out and locked herself in your room. At first I was like, okay so she's just missing the odours stench you seem to naturally possess, so I let her be for an hour or two. But she never came out of your room," she was now looking concerned at Finn, "she wouldn't talk to me, she wouldn't come out, she wouldn't eat," Finn's eyes darted to meet Santana's, "we had no idea what was going on, and I was scared."  
Puck finally piped up, "you could hear her crying sometimes through the walls, she didn't even sing dude."  
"Anyway that's when I told her that if she didn't tell me what the fuck was going on I was going to call you and get you back here. Immediately she opened the door," Santana went silent.  
"What? What?! Tell me what happened next?!" He had rose to his feet and was angry that no had told him the earlier, but also scared shitless about her girlfriend.  
"Finn...you should have seen her," Santana said gingerly, almost in tears herself picturing Rachel, "her...her face...she was so broken, so hurt, it was worse than those times in high school. It was like she'd lost it all."

Santana's last works echoed through his head, "lost it all."

That's when it hit him. That's when he understood. He was already on his feet, the rest of the room looking at him, "I've got to go."

It didn't take him long to get to the loft. He made sure of that. He paid the cab driver nearly triple the usual amount to make sure Finn was there in 10 minutes, cutting the normal journey time in half. But he had to get there, even 10 minutes seemed too long. He had to get to her, he had to hug her, tell her everything would be alright, tell her he loved her no matter what, tell her none of this was her fault.  
Suddenly taking the job seemed like a crap idea, he had money now, but he should have been there for her and with her, what was the point in that money now? It all seemed messed up and ridiculous to him, and he began to hate himself for letting her be alone during the whole thing. How scared and frightened she must have been. How awful she felt and was still feeling. Her misery, her confusing, her hopelessness. As he ran up the stairs he had to take a moment to himself, the situation had finally settled in him. Gone. Just like that. He wasn't even supposed to know, and now, just, gone. He steadied himself on the banister and let out a loud cry, his eyes closing tightly and tears filled his eyes. Why did it hurt so much? Why did he feel responsible? Why was there this dull ache in his heart? He had to push these pains and fears away, he had to do it for her. Be strong, like she was.

Pulling himself together, Finn continued to climb the stairs until he was outside the front door. He didn't know what state she'd be in when he opened up. Or if she'd be there at all. All he knew was he needed her by his side, so she could lean on him.  
The door was unlocked as he tried the handle, and it opened to reveal a broken Rachel standing there, almost like she was expecting him.

"You know. You knew all along didn't you?" As soon as he got to his apartment she expected Santana and Puck to spill all they knew. And deep down she thought he'd known about the baby. How he constantly ask after her, and he even asked if her boobs were sore once, but she chose to ignore the signs, because if Finn knew, it meant it was all really happening. "Why didn't you tell me you knew I was pregnant?! Why did you not tell me?!"

She was half yelling, half crying, and all Finn wanted to do was hold her until the pain went away, "Baby, I kind of wanted to ask the same question," he stepped closer to her, but careful to not over step his boundary, "I knew since I told you I was going to San Francisco," he said sheepishly, "I took the job cos you were pregnant, believe me, I didn't want to leave you, but we needed the money. And I hoped me going would have prompted you to tell me we were going to have a baby." She cried out and covered her mouth with her hand, ashamed at herself for never telling him, "but baby, I got to see our little one, didn't I? Even if it was only for an hour that morning, if that's all I had, I'm grateful." She continued to silently cry as he spoke, and Finn watched her sympathetically, "you looked so beautiful, Rachel."

She fell to the floor in crying out loudly, her breathing heavy and rushed. Finn was quickly at her side pulling her close to his chest even though she protested, he wasn't letting her go, "its okay baby, I'm here now, we'll get through this, together, we will, I promise it won't always feel this way, we'll heal." She began to settle as he spoke, but continued to cry, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I should have told you I was pregnant, but I was scared, and I should have told you about...about the miscarriage, but I just couldn't explain it all then." She swallowed, "it was horrible, I was so scared and you weren't here, and...Finn, I'm so sorry it's all my fault. I felt so ill and then...they told me the baby didn't have a heartbeat." He was so glad she couldn't see his face, as he was now struggling, like on the staircase, to keep himself together. He should have been there to protect his girl, she shouldn't have gone through this alone, "none of this is your fault, Rachel. None of it. You know that. Don't you? You can't blame yourself." His sentences were short as he couldn't trust his voice at this point, "I love you so much."

They stayed on the floor in silence, Rachel crying softly in his arms, Finn letting his tears roll down his cheeks as he soothed his girlfriend. They were broken, but he was determined to pull them through.

When the room began to dim from the fading light outside Rachel finally spoke, "what do we do now?"

Finn sighed, freeing one of his hands to wipe his cheeks, "we take as much time as we need. We don't have to tell anyone, if you don't want to. We take the money I made for the baby, and we move out of our apartment and into one together. We'll never forget that little baby we barely knew, but we carry on with our lives. You're going to ace that audition. I'm gonna get a job as a music teacher somewhere in New York so I don't have to leave your side ever again. We're going to get married and once you've starred as a lead in that Broadway show we're going to have a little Hudson baby. Sound like a plan?"

She finally turned to look at him; she noticed he'd been crying. All she could do was nod and pull his face close to hers so she could kiss him, softly, but passionately.


	4. We Still Have Everything Part 1

_**Note:**__ Notice the change in chapter name, I in three parts, each with a different direction, leading to the next curve ball._

Moving out was quicker than he expected. He had been planning on moving with Rachel way before he even found out about the baby, he'd narrowed it down to 3 apartment close enough to the others in the city and at a reasonable price with good space. So all they had to do is pick one, and of course, being Rachel Berry, they went for the one just out of his original price range, but it was the one Rachel wanted, so he made it happen for her.

It's a nice place; two bedrooms, an open kitchen and living area and a bathroom. Simple, but right for them. They used the spare bedroom to store Rachel trophies at the moment, until Finn got round to putting shelves up for her. It wasn't a new build, in fact it was kinda old, but apparently "has character". There were brick walls and the doors were falling apart, but Rachel liked it like that, she dressed it up to the best of her ability so far, they still weren't fully moved in, but it was a pleasant place for the young couple to live in.

Finn hadn't pressured Rachel to talk about the miscarriage. In a way he didn't want to know, he didn't want to know how awful it was for her at the time, all he missed when he should have been there to hold her hand, to wipe her tears and stroke her hair. Instead he was there for the aftermath, which was probably more mentally draining. It was random bursts of tears on both fronts, but his were more privet. He didn't want Rachel to see him cry, it only made him feel weak, although a few times during the early stages she'd cry in his arms before they fell asleep, he'd join her quietly. But a small part of him wanted answers. And slowly, very slowly he got them. Rachel took her time to tell him what happened in that week from hell. She released information to him slowly. In her own time, at her own pace.

She was home, alone of course, Finn in San Francisco working, Kurt and Blaine away on holiday. She'd not done much all day, partly because of the pregnancy making her tired, but she'd also got stomach cramps and was throwing up more than usual so couldn't stray far from the toilet. It was about five in the afternoon and she decided to just check with the nurse, that everything was normal. She was told to check back in the morning to see if there was any change. After a nervous Skype with Finn she went to bed. It was early morning, the sky still a deep inky blue when she woke. There was a pool of blood mixing with her cream sheets. She panicked, anyone would. But managed with a shaky had to call the nurse and tell her what had happened. She had to go into the hospital. She was given pills to start the contractions. It took hours, but when they finally started she could barely believe the pain. They asked if they should call anyone to be with her, she said no. It didn't take long for the baby to arrive after that. It was silent. She had been told there was no heartbeat. All she felt was a sudden empty feeling.

Rachel had refused to look at the baby, she couldn't. She didn't even want to know the sex or see the picture the nurse said she'd taken. She didn't even want to know why it happened. So Finn only knew the horrifying details. He'd never seen, felt or heard his little one, and never would. Neither of them would. They were gone.

That was 2 months and 2 weeks ago. Now they were in a new home, ready to move on. They didn't want anyone to know about the baby, Rachel wanted to move on and forget it ever happened, "it was a mistake to start with, and it all ended with my mistake," is what she'd say, although Finn told her repeatedly that she'd done nothing wrong. He didn't want to forget, that little time he spent with the baby was magic. Pure magic. He loved that child, and he was sure Rachel did too, and he'd never forget. He 'd fiddle with his phone sometimes, debating whether to call the hospital and asked them if this was a boy or girl, he'd walked right passed the hospital and contemplate going in to see the pictures they still had, but that would only hurt Rachel, and she'd been through enough pain. Too much to even think about. Finn would always be the last to sleep at night as he would lie and wait for Rachel to be fast asleep, her little chest rising and falling on his as cute sounds escaped her, and then he would close his eyes and drift off. He was always thinking about her. Worrying. She still wasn't quite right. But whatever she was feeling she channelled into that audition. Maybe it was the emotion she still carried, maybe someone finally decide to give her a break, but hearing her sing Celine Dion, My Heart Will Go On brought tears to his eyes. He watched from the back of the auditorium, they let him and he quietly told them he needed to be there, in case, he barley let Rachel out his sight for the first month.

He heard her sing countless times before, and every time he'd get chills, but this was on a whole different level. So it was invertible she got the part. And it was a small candle in their dark tunnel.

If only he's be as lucky.

Finn hadn't found his dream job, as the New York music teacher, but wasn't giving up. For the meanwhile, he'd got a job as a part time bartender, so they could pay the rent, much to Puck and Santana's delight.

It was a Saturday morning. And like every morning Finn was woken just as Rachel got in the shower, she'd just started to sing again in there, quietly, but he could still hear. And like every morning he'd get up just as she turned off the water. He then proceeds to make his coffee and pour a glass of juice from the jar Rachel always had on the kitchen table. She'd then come out the bathroom, moisturised and clean in her towel, she'd stride rite passed, not thinking Finn was having a cheeky look, but of course he was, every time. His signature half smile on his face when she disappeared into their bedroom to change. Finn would then get the paper which Rachel has left on the other end of the table and he'd grab his bowl of cereal. He was meant to be looking at the job pages, as he was still desperate to teach again, but somehow he'd always end up in the Sports. About halfway through his bowl of flakes, Rachel would remerge ready for her day. She'd grab the fruit salad she prepared earlier and walk round behind Finn to her chair uttering a good morning, Finn's eyes would still be glued to the results but he'd try to make the effort by moving his lips as far in her direction as possible making a kiss sound as she passed behind him.

Once both of them were seated Rachel would flick through her phone quickly, check the time, panic and start to grab her things before hurrying back to peck Finn's lips as he continued to read, then she was out the door to rehearsal. It was a routine they had got themselves into. It was kinda boring and one morning Finn is hoping for morning sex, but at this point it was best not to break it. She was happy enough filling her life with this musical, probably to fill the void, and Finn was comfortable being Finn.

Well, he wasn't happy. But it wasn't to do with Rachel. He was pissed at himself. Still, for leaving her. That feeling of guilt would never go, no matter how many time he apologised, he still felt the guilt pull at him every time he saw her. And it was horrible, he only wanted to feel love, but instead his first thought was "how could I have done this too you?" He blamed himself for everything, but wouldn't ever tell Rachel. It was his fault she got pregnant, only he could have done that. And he left her went she was 12 weeks pregnant, what sort of father-to-be does that?! On some nights after his shift, he would walk back to the apartment; it gave him more chance to think. And cry.


	5. We Still Have Everything Part 2

**_Note: Okay, I should prepare you, this part of the story is very angsty, my poor Finny! But It does get happier! :) And then bad again...but then happy! I did mention it was a roller coaster! Anyway, I should also mention I ship Finntana as my Brotp. It would just be epic and the part in Feud..it just was perfect, I then imagined then going and getting an apartment in NY together, oh the fun they would have! :P So there is more Finntana to come! :)_**  
**_Also, I love reading reviews! I really do, it makes me all fussy inside, so send them in please!_**

On Thursday, Finn was casually just chilling in the apartment; most of his day was spent doing nothing the other part worrying about Rachel. What was an appropriate time to stop worrying? It had been two months, and literally whenever he stopped for a second his mind would be on her. When he switched the TV on and it was a boring reality show, his mind would wonder to Rachel. When he was out for a run and was stopping for breath, his mind would wonder to Rachel. When he was waiting for his order in Starbucks, his mind would wonder to Rachel. And it was always the same thoughts; 'what's she doing now?' 'Is she crying?' 'I should be there.' 'Is she coping?' 'Does she need me?' It drove him mad sometimes; cos whenever he thought of Rachel he'd think about the baby too.

So for now he decided to play Xbox and prayed to God that Puck was online so he could have a descent, exciting game. Just as he was connecting there was a knock at the door. "Rachel?" He called out, but it was a stupid guess as her rehearsal didn't finish for another two hours, and she had a key.

"No, it's me you man child, open up."

He didn't rush to the door, whoever rushed to let Santana Lopez in your home? But he was happy for some company. Due to their situation Finn and Rachel had sort of separated themselves from everyone else. They couldn't risk them finding out or pulling them into the funk too. When he opened the door, he didn't know what to expect. A hug? No, Santana tried not to touch Finn, except when it was completely necessary, and apparently shoving his shoulder so she could barge passed him into the apartment was necessary.

"So, this is your little cave? Yours and Berry's sex den?"

"Don't Santana," he was happy for the company, but was not in the mood for her sarcastic comments, although her stopping seemed unlikely.

"Oh! Touchy Finny. This will be more fun than I thought, Finny not getting any of Berry's sweet juices?"

He could only roll his eyes and slump down on the couch, "what do you want Santana?"

She walks over to sit next to him, a completely foreign concept to her, "I'm...we're just worried about you. We haven't really seen you properly in months, I mean, we weren't close, trust me, we weren't, but...I don't know...I guess you were my friend. And you never explained the move and then you and Berry went into hiding. Puck and I only really see you when we come to the bar for the free drinks."

"They're not meant to be free..."

"Whatever, the point is something's up. And it's Hobbit too. Kurt says she's quiet which is something that I didn't think was in Rachel's repertoire. Are you two alright? Has she said she won't ever release your balls from the vase she has them in?"

Finn sighed heavily, but was determined to not let Santana get to him. Despite the snide comments he saw she had a point. They had shut out the rest of the world, but he needed Rachel to be better and their private way seemed to have worked, "my balls are perfectly fine," well...currently underused, but she didn't need to know that, "we just wanted some alone time, cos of...yeah..."

Santana's expression suddenly changed her hand round her mouth, "Oh My God I knew it!" She slowly lowered her hand to explain, Finn looking at her in complete shock, "Rachel's pregnant, isn't she?! I knew it!"

He licked his lips and got off the couch without saying a word until his back was safely turned to her, so she could see his face as his tensed again, "no, Santana, she not. Rachel is definitely not pregnant, I can assure you, so could you just leave now? I kinda wanna start preparing dinner for when Rachel is back, and I want to clean the bathroom too."

Santana got up from the couch and stared at Finn, completely confused by his change in mood, "she really has you on a tight leash!"

Finn quickly turned on her, "would you stop it?! I just want everything to be nice for my girlfriend when she comes home after a busy, tiring day of rehearsal for a big Broadway show she'll be staring in in a month. What's the problem in trying to give her everything she'd like?! I want her to be happy and not have to worry! Why do you have to mock us?! Why? Do I do it to you and Brittany cos we all know you're looking for apartment together, I haven't seen you properly in ages and I know that. So what's the problem?! Is it cos I love her? Cos I do. I'm madly in love with her and want to give her everything, but this is all I can do at the moment, give her the little things, cos she still hurting and so am I!" He stopped, panting as he'd just yelled at Santana no stop and she just took it.

"Wow! So there is something wrong," she didn't really know what to do. Caring had never been her strong point, but looking at the tall man before her she knew he needed someone, "Finn...I...," she nervously stepped closer to him, "why don't you tell me what's going on! Maybe I can help? Cos it sounds like you've kept that in for a long time," he left the light touch of the Latina's hand on his arm, "what if you've just yelled all that at Rachel? You can't keep all that in, cos you'll soon explode on her." Finn's eyes met Santana's normally cold brown ones, but now they had feeling behind him, "Finn, I want to help. Tell me what you want me to do."

He swallowed, "I...we..." His bottom lip trembled. He wasn't going to cry. Not now. Not in front of Santana Lopez. So he let his head drop, staring at his feet, "I need to get away, from here, all of this."

Santana continued to watch Finn, her eyes examining his face and every twitch it made, "okay, if you think that will help, come stay back at mine, you can have your old room and Rachel can-"

"No. I want...I want my mom," he raised his eyes timidly, almost embarrassed to admit it, but Santana didn't laugh, or smile. In fact she seemed more concerned.

"Lima? You want to go to Lima. Okay, I'll book you and Rach tickets-"

"No, alone. She can't come. I don't want her to see me, not like this, now when I'm..."

"Finn, it's okay, I understand. Well...I don't and I do. You want to appear like the strong one, but you know it's okay to lean on someone else once in a while. We all do it."

"Thanks, San. But I think..." He tried to smile, "I just need my mom."

When Santana said she wanted to help, she was joking. She'd got him a flight that night. And he could turn her down, and he didn't really want to. For he first time in months he thought about himself, and his happiness. That's not to say Rachel didn't make him happy, she did, more than anything. But sometimes, he could hold it in. He knew his limits and this was it. Finn didn't want Rachel to see this side of him; he didn't want her to see his was weak, and struggling. So sometimes, your mom is what you need.

Finn hadn't called his mom to say he was coming, it was all happening so fast. He'd barely had time to tell Rachel, in fact, he hadn't. It probably wasn't the right thing to do, but he couldn't take seeing her face. So Santana would have been waiting there to explain, because Finn wouldn't have been able to say the words. As he approached his old house he knew well, him mind wondered to Rachel of course. She'd have got home a few hours ago, and Santana would be there on the couch. He guess Rachel would probably cry, but he hoped to God Santana came up with a story for why he'd gone. Sometime which made him sound cool, not like a weak shell of a man.

It was late, the house was in darkness, no light escaping the windows. Luckily Finn knew were they kept the spare key, Burt wasn't the kind of guy to change stuff so the key was still under the plant pot to the left of the door. As he let himself in, Finn tried to be as quiet as possible. Silence rattled through the house, and the only light he had was that of the moon, beaming through the larger window in the dining room. But everything was just how it used to be. Not a chair or table out of place. He felt a sudden warmth shuttle through him as the familiarity of the place caused him to feel slightly more at ease. He was safe here. Safe from the outside world. Safe from his real world where he was unemployed, sad and rattled with guilt. Deciding going up stairs to his room would only make a noise, Finn settled for the couch as a bed for the night. Of course he didn't fit properly, but he was so exhausted as soon as his head hit the plumed up cushion he was asleep.

The smell of beacon wafting through the house caused him to wake the next day, but if it wasn't for the smell making his stomach rumble he was sure he could have slept through to lunch. Despite how uncomfortable he must have been, Finn was able to push all his worries aside for the first time in weeks and actually get a good night's sleep. As he opened his eyes he saw the blurry outline of a woman, his mother, sitting in the chair facing him, just watching her son.

"Good morning, sweetie," she was relatively calm considering she went to bed last night with no word from her son in months except a few texts and now here he was, asleep on her couch, "journey here alright?" Carole took a sip of coffee, it was obvious to Finn she was avoiding the huge elephant in the room.

"It was alright, a late flight so not many people around," Finn was silent, trying to think of something, anything to fill the awkwardness as his mom waited for him to explain, but he couldn't, "is that bacon for me."

"It can be," she took another sip, avoiding eye contact and with the mug at her lips she muttered just loud enough to hear, "if you tell me why your here."

Finn rolled his eyes as his mother gave his a cheeky smile, she knew him well enough to know that food would always get Finn to talk, "it's complicated," was all he managed to say and he pulled himself up into a sitting position, stretching and yawning.

"Oh, I see. That's why Rachel's not with you? Because 'it's complicated'?" She did that embarrassing thing where she used her fingers and quotation marks.

Rachel? His brow knitted together and his face tensed as he thought about her. He wondered if she slept last night. He could picture her tiny body curled up on the bed shaking as she cried alone. Why did he leave her? What was he doing here? Finn abruptly got up off the couch and began to head for the front door and he mumbled, "I got to get to Rachel. See if she's alright."

Carole watched in shock at her son actions, immediately jumping to her feet as he did, grabbing his arm to stop him before he reached the front door, "Honey, stop. What's going on? I'm sure Rachel's not in any danger, is she? You can't just hop back on a plane, you only just got here!" Carole tugged on his sleeve so Finn would turn to face her, and she saw his face, "Sweetie...honey, tell me what's happened."

At her final words he lost it. Finn couldn't hold back the tears he's kept hidden for months, and cried in front of his mom as he tried to tell her everything that happened, "she didn't even tell me she was pregnant! I just found out, and when I got back they were gone. I never got to see it, mom. I never got to share the excitement with Rachel, we didn't even get a chance to show everyone that we could do it!" He rubbed his face harshly, "but I also let her do it alone, cos I knew and I left, and when I got back she was so upset, and I needed to strong one, but look at me! I'm-" before he could finish he felt himself being pulled close to his mother body as he embraced him. She was much shorter than he was, but just like when he was a little boy, she pulled his face into her shoulder and he cried, "it's okay, honey. Mommy's got you now. It alright." She stroked his back soothingly as his sobs echoed through the room his body shaking in her arms.

"It just hurts more than I thought," he whispered into her shoulder, but she shhhed him. She didn't need to hear anymore, not now. She just wanted him to calm down, to feel safe in her arms she tried to ease some of the pain for him.


	6. We Still Have Everything Part 3

As he stood outside the apartment door he took a few deep breaths. It had only been three days, but the fact of the matter was; he was embarrassed. He felt like he's let her down again. Left her again. It was clear he was entering this never ending spiral, but hopefully, telling his mom would have helped, he did feel a little better. After a few silent minutes he opened the door, and there she was again, waiting, like last time.

"Finn..."

"No, Rachel. I'm sorry, I am. I shouldn't have just left like that, I'm sorry."

She stood there silently looking at him, her eyes leaking sympathy, "Finn, I'm the one who should be apologising! I've been so selfish through this, I-"

"Rachel, no, you had every-"

"Finn, let me finish!" She said frustratedly, she thought about what she'd say to him for the three days he was gone, and there was no way she was letting him ruin it for her, "I should have thought about you. You were going through this too! And all I did was go into a shell and let you clear up the mess. I never thought about what you were going through, I just consumed myself in the musical to try and make me happy, and I should have been talking to you. And you're got me though this. You're the reason I'm standing here as strong as I am today. But it broke you. I leant on you so hard, you snapped, so I'm sorry. But I want to fix this, fix us, and fix you, so I went to the hospital..."

At the word hospital his ears pricked. He had been silent until that point, but if the hospital was now involved, "Rachel, you're not ill, are you? There isn't any late pain, is there? You're okay? Please tell me nothing is wrong."

"Finn! Would you? Please!" He looked at her apologetically, and she smiled, "I went to the hospital for you."

"Me? Rachel I'm fine. It was a momentary lapse, it's nothing to worry about," he was in front of her in two strides as he wrapped his arms round his waist to reassure her there was nothing wrong.

"No, Finn, and if you keep interrupting you'll never going to find out about her!"

Finn's eyes flicked to meet Rachel's, "her? Who is her? I don't unders-" Then it clicked, "Rachel, we were..." His voice choked in his throat as he thought about the little day dream he'd had about his mini Rachel Berry.

"Yeah, baby. We were. And she would have been so perfect," Rachel had begun to cry and was reaching into her back pocket, "I got you these," stepping away from him to hand over two photos. Finn took them with a shaky hand, and looked down at them. She didn't look like any of the pictures of babies he's ever seen, but she was a baby none the less, not only that, but she was his baby. And would always be his baby girl. He bit his bottom lip hard to stop the tears, "Rach, I...she's..." He couldn't finish a sentence, he voice kept breaking, and his bottom lip trembling as his face began to tense together.

"Finn, it's okay, you can cry, I'm here," Rachel stepped back towards him and wrapped her arms round his middle, pulling him into an embrace. Finn couldn't move, he let himself be hugged by his amazing, tiny girlfriend and cried in her arms.

More months passed and their dynamic relationship had stared to come back. Inevitably Santana found out what happened, and so Rachel began to open up to everyone else, which made the whole healing process easier for both Finn and Rachel. Finn started to not worry about her as much whenever she wasn't in his sight and began to actually enjoy the other stuff going on around him. His sprit really pick up though, when he got an interview for deputy head of music at a school an hour from the apartment and 30 minutes from Rachel's work so he could literally have lunch with her every day, when he told Rachel that she couldn't help but smile; it wasn't really any surprise that what excited him most about the job was food and his girl.

With the job interview later that day, the both of them were just lounging round the apartment, not doing much. He wasn't nervous, not yet anyway. They were both happy that they got this time together. Rachel's show opened a month ago, and since then she had been going no stop. He remembered sitting in the crowd, opening night. He remembered the way she swanned on stage like she belonged there all along, because she did. Every time she sang it touched something in him, it could be any song anywhere, she had that effect on him. Rachel Berry had been through a lot in her life, but one thing had never changed; her dream of Broadway. It was her, it defined her. The glitz, the glamour, the music, the dancing. She looked at home, happy, and he leaked with pride as he stood with the rest of the crown to congratulate e cast, but his eyes were only on her, and he saw her scanning the audience for him, their eyes met briefly, she winked and he beamed. She was his star and at that point she was shining her brightest.

The reviews the next day didn't matter to him, she was amazing and not snooty critic could change how he felt. But Rachel was jumpy all morning. She sent Finn out to pick up every newspaper with a review, he stopped on the steps of the apartment to quickly read over them, he had to protect her from any negativity, he want sure she could take it again yet.

"A fresh breath or Broadway air in the form of new comer Rachel Berry."

"Not many could take on such an iconic role, but Miss Berry seemed born to play it."

"The cherry on top of this fantastic cake was the talent of newbie Berry."

She was practically giddy with excitement as she read the reviews, he didn't know why he worried. Of course they'd love her, she was breath taking up there.

He was currently in the kitchen fixing a late breakfast/early lunch for them. She had only an evening show today, and was planning of taking her to work before he had his interview with a small stop in the park. Finn had been carrying a small box around with him for three weeks now, trying to find the right moment to pop the question. He'd taken her on a romantic evening out, taken her back to Lima with her dads, even sang to her in the auditorium. But it never felt right, it was romantic and special, but it never felt like the perfect time, he was hoping today might be it.

"I like this one!" Rachel called from the couch. She was is a pair of pyjama shots and a vest top, with her legs curled under her ass, a few photos scattered round her and some small empty boxes. She wanted to fill a few picture frames and was desperately trying to find some nice pictures of Finn and her, "you look..." She paused looking at the picture as he walked over snacking on a banana, "goofy? I think that's the right word."

"No." He said is mouth full as he lent over the couch so his head was almost rested on her shoulder, he swallowed, "no way. I look stupid; you look fine, but not me."

He was about to walk way again when her head turned slowly a look of disgust on her face, "fine?! I look fine? Please, I look adorable; I wish I kept those sweaters."

"I loved your outfits in high school. You looked all innocent and sexy. You were practically begging for it with those short skirts." Finn finished off his banana and clapped his hand together to get the stickiness off. Rachel on the other hand was standing on the couch so she could look down on him.

"You are such a dirty mined, immature boy. Those skirts were practical and sensible."

"Please, every time you bend over I could see your lacy underwear," he said it like it was common knowledge, "and I'm immature?! You're the one who still has the saved text of the silly puns I used to send you in high school," he smirked as he knew he'd got her, no way she could deny that. He'd been on her phone when she had given it to him to take a picture and he, innocently , looked through her texts, only from him, that's as far as he got. "And the sad thing is, you kept the first attempt I ever did, it was rubbish! Why did you keep that one?!"

She snapped her eyes to him and narrowed them when he mentioned the texts. Of course she kept them, they meant something to her, they may have been dirty and crude and keeping them may sound very un-Rachel Berry like, but they were from her Finn. She raised an eyebrow slyly, and bent over to him, "'I'm forever yours faithful-titty' weren't you clever" she tormented, putting her face right in front of his, her ass in the air, "but the best thing about those boob puns was you used to send me the same one every morning, 'you are boobyful' you were such a dork!" Rachel pulled away from him and waited for him to sulk off, but instead she let out a high pitched giggle and his finger attacked her waist, "Finn!" She jumped off the couch and ran round the coffee table to get away from him, but he followed, a sly grin on his face as she'd trapped herself, "I've got you now Berry." They both stopped either end of the table, watching the other for any movement. Rachel was practically shaking with anticipation, and after a minute Finn jumped on the coffee table headed straight towards her. Rachel screamed and dodged him, running straight passed towards the bedroom, stumbling on a cushion which was thrown at him from behind. As she stumbled Finn caught up, wrapping his arms round her waist and lifting her off the ground as she protested, "no, you were very mean about my puns, therefore you must be punished." He carried her off into the bedroom and threw her down onto the bed and Rachel let out a squeal. He looked down at her for a moment, and smiled, she did the same before he climbed on top of her and caged her between his limbs, "no, Finn!" She giggled tossing underneath him as he ticketed her sides again, "careful, this isn't fair!" Finn stopped and looked at her puzzled, "why not!"

Her head slowly turn to look at him and he was hiding a cheeky grin as she pushed him off and straddled his lap, "cos you had a better position." She smiled down at him, and Finn sat up a bit on his elbow just staring at her. Her hair was in messy tassels around her shoulder, her cheeks slightly flushed with a light pink, and the light from the still slightly golden sun way lighting her up from behind. She was beautiful, so naturally. And she was all his. He knew in that moment he won't let anyone else have her take her away from him.

"What are you staring at goofy?" She chuckled and lent down to peck his lips, but just before she reached him Finn whispered, "Marry me."

She froze for a second, her eyes shot open; she looked at him, waiting for a kiss, his lips parted and eyes closed.

"Yes," she breathed and took his lips in hers, sealing the proposal.

_**Note: Fluffy finish to that part! :P Review!**_


	7. I Don't Want To Lose You Now Part 1

When Rachel wanted to get married by the end of the month, he knew something was up. No way would Rachel want to rush her big day unless something else was going on. Everyone else was thinking the same thing, but wouldn't voice their opinions because it was still a sensitive subject for the two of them. Everyone, except for Santana of course, who, at the hen night presented Rachel with one of those signs you hang in the back of the car, "baby on board", but wanted to stick it to her stomach. Rachel politely declined her offer and said something about wanting to have the wedding before the musical got too much. Which, if you knew anything about Broadway musical didn't make much sense, but thankfully no one listened to her when she rambled on about Tony nominations and the possibility of touring. All, except for Kurt who had now chosen to keep an eye on his Broadway star friend.

But Rachel took no notice of the looks and carried on as normal. Of course she was scared, frightened even. But once again she couldn't tell Finn. It was something about him being a father which scared her. She knew he would be brilliant, and maybe she was just scared that compared to him she'd be the incompetent one, or that after just getting the perfect job, he would take a backseat and become a stay at home father. She also didn't want to overwhelm him. It had been nearly five months since they'd lost their first, and he'd only recently got over it. Finn often went into his own little shell when he got anxious and it didn't matter how much she tried he'd hardly come out of it and open up to her. For now life for the newlyweds seemed to be going smoothly. They still had that buzz, and despite not having a honeymoon yet, because of work, they were still in that state were they couldn't keep their hands off each other, which would soon cause problems.

Finn left with her for work, and for the past four weeks as soon as she heard the door of the bathroom spam and Finn start to run his shower, Rachel would run to the bedroom and lift up her top, just to see if she was showing. That's how he found out last time, so she had to be extra careful. This time she wanted to tell him properly, no matter how long to took her to find the courage. This morning was no different. It was getting harder for Rachel to get up at her usual early time, she had just become so sleepy, but to act normal she'd heave herself out of bed in the morning to shower. Finn would then get up and she'd return to the bedroom as he showered. Except this morning in the shower, she caught a glimpse of her stomach in the bathroom mirror, and had to do a double take. It didn't look like that yesterday...but maybe it was just the light of the bathroom. To be on the safe side she took another look when she was safely in the bedroom in their full length mirror. She slipped on her underwear, including a new bra she had to buy herself due to her ever expanding bust, much to Finn's pleasure, and looked at her figure. A small smile crept along her face. It certainly was different, she must have been 12 weeks now, and like last time was starting to show, or was it just bloating? Or was she just eating too much? Well, it didn't matter; it was just further proof that there was life inside her. Her hand gravitated towards her slightly rounded belly and her finger patted it lightly. Somehow it was a flattering new shape, and it may have been small, but Rachel liked the little bump. The only problem now was hiding it. From Finn, just until she was ready.

She was still scared because of last time. What if it happened again? Would they be able to cope with the loss of a second child. What if she was never able to have children? Her body rejected it? Would Finn still stay with her? What would he do if they lost a second. She'd seen her strong, now husband, crumble to dust when they lost the first little one. There was no way he'd be able to cope with that process again. He would be lost, would blame himself, she knew him, he wouldn't cope. 12 weeks is normally the safety zone, the time you could tell people as there was a decreased chance of miscarriage. But along with a joyful feeling, there was a nagging one which mad ether think it that it would all happen again, and they'd be left with nothing. She sighed and patted her stomach, looking from side on, slouching ever so slightly, "please don't leave mommy, please. I-"

"Hey, babe!" Rachel jumped and turned her back in the door where Finn had entered.

"What are you doing?" She demanded in a high pitched voice, frantically searching for a top to cover up.

Finn frowned and looked from his wife to the door he had just come from slowly, "I..ummm, I have to get changed. The school don't like it if you come in in just a towel." He began to look for his own clothes eyeing her ass from behind, "but I'm sure for you, they'd make an exception," he smirked and she could feel his eyes on her. Did he not understand that she wanted her alone time? Was his mind also constantly thinking about sex?

"Jesus, Finn." She muttered as she stormed passed him out the room, a pile of clothes in her arms covering her midriff. All Finn could do was drop the pair of socks he was getting out the draw and stare as she left.

"Have I done something wrong?" He called as he followed her.

"Do you ever think that maybe not everything is about sex, I just wanted to get changed and suddenly you pop up out of nowhere!"

"I'm your husband, I've seen you naked plenty of times before, and it's not my fault you weren't changed yet! You normally are!" His temper was rising to meet hers, but he knew he didn't have time for an argument, especially as he hasn't done anything wrong, "cheez, Rachel, what's got into you?!" He turned to continue getting changed, but he felt something soft hit the back of his head.

Rachel saw him froze as Finn looked down at the ball of socks which has hit him, "did you just throw socks as me?" His tone wasn't angry more shocked, that is tiny wife had used socks as a weapon against him, "was that supposed to hurt?" She remained silent a stroppy look on her face, he was being rude. Blatantly so, which only infuriated her more. He had no right to infer she was moody, it wasn't her fault he was so aggravating.

"Yes. I did." She opened her mouth and licked along her top lip, "you deserved it." And with that she turned on her heel, hair flowing out behind her and stormed into the bathroom leaving Finn perplexed.

He had been standing in the living area for a good few minutes just starting at the bathroom door, mouth opening an closing, sometimes forming swear words but no actual sound coming out. What had just happened? What was going on with his wife? Was she joking around, cos it had go to a point were Finn wasn't finding it the least bit funny anymore. It was adorable to start with, but now didn't make any sense. He'd done nothing wrong except flirt with her. With a final eye roll and huff he returned to the bedroom to finish getting ready, alone, in silence. After then he left the apartment, without saying a word to Rachel.

She hears the front door slam. And her heart dropped a little, he'd normally take her to the theatre every morning. She looked at her slightly saddened face in the mirror. Maybe she had been out of order, just a little bit, but he just annoyed her. She was happy by herself, and then he suddenly comes in and...Her eyes closed slowly and rolled to the back of her head. She was out of line and knew why. It wasn't his fault she was moody, but he also didn't know why she was, which made her feel worst. If Rachel didn't want history to repeat itself she knew what she had to do.

Before her evening performances on a Friday, Kurt would always take her out for a quick coffee. It was something to help her relax from the 10 shows a week. And always something she looked forward to. As usual, he was sitting at their spot waiting for her, her coffee already ordered. Today Kurt was tapping away on his phone, and didn't even look at her as she sat, "hello to you to," she said expecting a better welcome than just the nod of his head.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he relayed, obviously not the least bit apologetic, "is it alright to talk to you now? Or it is just Finn you throw things at?" Kurt took, a sip of his coffee, eyeing her as she sat silently looking slightly ashamed, "I'm on to you."

"What?" She snapped back, rather too quickly.

"I'm. On. To. You. And have been for a while, but don't worry you're secret is safe with me." Taking another sip he looked around the coffee shop as Rachel squirmed at his words.

"I don't know what you're taking about," she almost whispered not making eye contact with him, instead she kept her head down, picking at her paper cup and Kurt looked at her lost expression. His hand reached across the table to take hers and their eyes finally met.

"Okay," nothing more was said on the matter. Nothing needed to be. It was clear Kurt knew and had known she was pregnant, and he knew she wasn't quite ready to tell, at least not until Finn knew.

She got home late that night, like normal. It was gone midnight, but Finn would always wait up. She didn't expect him to tonight though. She entered the apartment as quietly as possible, putting her coat on the back of the chair and creeping to the bedroom and to her surprise the light was still on and she could hear voices from behind the door.

"She was just so pissed and I don't understand. It's not even that time of the month!"

"Please, Finn. I didn't need to know that. Have to tried talking to her, normally helps. Or singing isn't that what you two do?"

"Who do you think we are? Do you really just imagine our life as a musical?"

"That's how Berry wants it...sorry, I mean Hudson. No...I don't like it, I'll stick with dwarf...or hobbit. Or a new one I came up with today, BuckBeak! Anyway did you try to talk to her?"

"Well, yeah...but she threw socks at me. So I left her to calm down. She was crazy; I just mentioned how hot she was."

"Maybe she's realised, what the rest of the world did a long time ago, that she's exhausting to look at."

"Santana."

"I'm sorry, sorry you married it."

"You know you're a real bitch sometimes," she could hear him chuckle, then sigh heavily as the bed sheets ruffled, so he must have moved position. There was a moment of silence and Rachel desperately wanted to know what was happening, then Santana spoke again.

"You're worried about her?"

He scoffed, "what do you think? Since...the miscarriage I haven't stopped worrying about her, I guess I've eased off, but I'm scared. What if this anger is her slipping into a late depression? You should have seen her when she first told me all those month ago; she was so...so broken-"

"So were you! Finn, you basically went off the rails! You yelled at me, and if you tell anyone else I said this I'll deny it, but you scared me"

"I know, I know, but she's not as strong as me, I want to protect her, like it's my nature. Which is why went stuff like this happens I freak. Plus she's out in this city til God knows what hour most nights; I don't know what could have happened to her. I mean...she should be back now!"

"Okay, lover boy, that's enough for one night, Auntie Tanna can't cope with that many feelings, especially as the relationship repulses me. Just, talk to her, okay? I'm sure it's nothing. I'll see you around, bye!"

"Bye Santana," his voice was sad and tired and he let out another sigh as he rolled on his side.

She gave him a minute before entering. He was lying with his back to her, tucked up in bed. He'd left his side lap on, obviously waiting for her, his iPad discarded on the side table. She tiptoed into the room, but made one of the old floorboards creek.

"It me lying with my back to you enough? Or do you want me to turn the light off too while you change?" His voice was monotone and held no emotion behind it, it was clear he wasn't over this morning.

"Finn..." She perched on the corner of the bed and wanted to reach out to put a hang on this figure under the covers, but was scared he'd move it, "we need to talk."

"We sure do. Want to tell me why you wanted to start Wold War three with socks over something as petty as walking in on you changing?" He still hadn't turned to look at her, which upset her. She was scared and just wanted to see his face, look at his comforting eyes, but that was unlikely because she screwed up this morning. She got up and putted back the cover to find his old t-shirt and a pair of pyjama shorts which she'd need sleeping in.

As she changed she spoke, hoping it would calm her and give her hands something else to do rather than shake, "I'm sorry about this morning, it was my fault. You were right, I was in a mood and there was no real explanation for that mood, except...look Finn, I'm sorry about the socks and the yelling and I should have explained why I was like that, but I couldn't...and I wasn't upset you walked in while I was changing or the comment you made, I just didn't expect you...I was busy looking..." Why wasn't it coming out? She'd begun sentences but never finished. It was impossible, and blatantly obvious she was keeping something which is why she guess he'd turned to look at her and she slipped under the covers next to him.

They lay silently for a second, Rachel staring straight at the ceiling and Finn watching her confused, "Rach?"  
"I'm pregnant." She said quickly.


	8. I Don't Want To Lose You Now Part 2

He didn't sleep that night. They spoke for an hour or so after she announced the pregnancy, she cried, let out her fears about losing it again. About having to quite the musical, about not being a good enough mom. And he just held her in his arms. Now she was asleep, she was already tired and the crying took it out of her. He had spent the night stroking her back and drawing circles and patterns on it, it was to sooth her at first, but had turned into calming him down.

He was scared, who wouldn't be. It's a baby. A tiny little baby, but, he was excited. He knew he wanted this since he found out about the last baby. However all her worries were starting to settle in him. He didn't want her to think her life would be over. Yeah, they were young, her career had just started, but they were 25. The age she said she wanted to have children; she just didn't have the Tony's. Yet. The short list was coming out soon, and Rachel was frantically in conversations with Kurt about who's her possible competition. A few months ago he would have said there was no way they were ready for this, but he was prepared, the possibility of the first prepared him. He'd gone through the worrying, and was ready to be excited with her. And she would get to that stage too, he knew it. He knew her, she might be scared at first, but she'd turn all Rachel Berry on the thing and have lists and be uber prepared. Finn smiled and looked at her sleeping, she was so beautiful and peaceful, how could she think she wasn't ready for motherhood, she'd looked after him for long enough. She'd be a perfect mom, sure, she didn't have that figure in her life, but she would know what was missing, and she would always make their child feel special, like she did with him. She'd always be supportive, always protect and love their child.

Rachel sighed softly and snuggled into his side. Finn wrapped his arms round her waist and pulled her close, "it's all gonna work out fine, baby, I've got you."

But did he really have her? He couldn't promise she'd still have the career she'd worked so hard for, or that history might repeat itself. He didn't want to sound selfish, but that's what worried him most, losing a second child. It wasn't the way to be thinking, he should stay positive, but he couldn't help himself. It still amazed him that he managed to get through the first one, he knew he wouldn't have if it weren't for Rachel or his mom. They were his rock. And he desperately wanted to be Rachel's now, but he was so scared of losing it again. Finn knew, he'd do anything for his child and mother-to-be. Even if it meant being a stay at home dad for Rachel to work. The New York sun rise was beaming through the window and the cracks in the curtains. He tried to reach can close the curtains tighter without disturbing Rachel who was lying on his chest.

"Good morning to you too."

A soft whisper escaped her lips as she spoke and Finn quickly stopped his actions to turn his full attention to his wife, "did I wake you? Are you still tired? You can go back to sleep," he stroked her bangs out of her face placing a light kiss on her forehead.

"No, I'm fine. I've got to get up for work anyway," she stretched up her arms and wrapped them round him tightly, "you look tired though, sure you don't want to go back to sleep?" She eyed his carefully, "did you even sleep, Finn?" She sat up stroking his cheek, her thumb running over the bags under his eyes.

"I'm fine, baby. I can sleep later if I need, I've been thinking," he caught her hand in his and held it to his face.

"Oh yeah? What about?" She knew the answer, but last night he didn't say much, just listened to her ramble on.

"You, and the baby. And you...and the baby," she smiled at his goofiness.

"And what about me and the baby?"

"Rach, you know how I felt from last time. I'm ready for this, and you are too. That's not to say it won't be hard, cos it will, we'll be responsible for another life, but I know we have it in us to be amazing parents."

Rachel smiled, she needed his encouragement, and a single tear slipped down her cheek, "you really believe in me that much?"

"More," he pulled her face close to his so he could kiss her lips, softly, but passionately.

When she pulled away, he noticed more tears were staining her cheeks, "but...but what if it all happens again?"

They looked at each other in silence, "it won't-"

"Finn.."

"No, I won't let it happen, it can't. I'm here now, it can't happen."

"But, Finn-"

"Don't, Rachel. Don't. It'll be fine."

"Okay. Okay, I believe you," she pulled him in for another kiss, "I have you now."

Rachel went about getting ready for her day, while Finn sat in bed watching her. When she came back from the shower he crawled to the foot of the bed to get closer to her, "hey, yesterday...what were you doing?" A smirk played on his lips.

"What?" She giggled pulling her towel tight.

"Yesterday, when I came in, before you got angry," he said on the edge of the bed smirking and Rachel turned her back on him with a secret smile on her face.

"It was nothing.." She said coyly, but before she had time to finish her sentence she felt Finn's arms wrap round her and pull her on to him. They were lying on top of each other on the bed, both facing the ceiling. She squirmed and wriggled in his grasp round her waist giggling uncontrollably, "Finn! Stop it! I have to get ready!"

"And you can, after this," his grip loosened.

"What?" Her breathing began to calm as she did. His hand wondered to her towel and he undid it, pulling the material off her body, "Finn?" She was a little concerned, they didn't have time to fool around, and she had an afternoon show to prepare for.

"Shhh," his hand rested then on her naked stomach, and stayed there. They both did. Completely still and he moved his hand over her belly, "they're so small," he whispered into her hair.

"I know," she whispered back turning her face toward him. He planted a gentle kiss in her cheek and her hand covered his.

Sunday was their favourite day. They both had it off. And Finn used this opportunity to book them an appointment at the doctor.

"I've been to one already, Finn, so we'll have the same doctor. He's fine!" She yelled from the couch.

"I just don't trust him with your...business. Why can it be a woman."

"Cos when his parents gave birth to him he had a penis," she got up and walked over to the front door, "come on let's go!"

Finn quickly joined her after fixing his hair on last time, with any luck he was going to see his baby today for the first time, and he wanted today to be perfect, "I didn't meant it like that."

"Of course not," she went up on tiptoes to kiss his nose, "you look handsome, now come on."

They walked out the apartment hand in hand, a huge smile on Finn's face. This was all new to him, the appointment, Rachel had been to two before a one already for this child, but for him there was a new exciting feeling. She peered over to him anxiously as they waited for a cab. She wasn't excited, nervous, yes, scared, almost frightened. It was this appointment last time everything started to go downhill. Where the doctor had taken longer to locate a slower than normal heartbeat. And it was a week after this appointment the little world which was starting to come together, fell apart.

He squeezed her hand as they sat in the cab, noticing how tense she was. It was understandable, he was trying to push those feeling away, he couldn't think about that, he couldn't bring himself to or he wouldn't cope.

"It'll be fine, I promise," he whispered as she looked out the window.

Her head whipped round and she had tears in her eyes, "how can you?"

His heart broke a little when he saw her face. She was right. He couldn't promise anything.

So they sat in silence to the doctors. Finn was unable to find words to comfort his wife as the uneasy feeling settled in him. Her hand slipped from him and rested in her stomach, he watcher, eyes glues to the connection. They couldn't lose another that would be unfair. She couldn't go through that again, he couldn't.

"Are you okay, baby?" He asked as she gently rubbed her stomach, her eyes focused on the passing buildings outside.

"Fine." She muttered back, she wasn't. Her head was full of the possibilities and outcome which could come out of this afternoon.

Her rather blunt response only made him feel worse, as so he slowly closed his eyes and let out a long shaky breath he didn't realise he was holding.

The waiting room was torture. It was packed. Full of expectant mothers, some with a bunch of kids already, some with a partner holding their hand as they stole loving glances from each other. Each at a different stage of pregnancy, Finn was bombarded with small bumps, large bumps, round bumps and hardly there bumps. It was almost like a secret competition between the women in the room, who had the best bump? He looked down at Rachel's, who was reading a magazine. Her's was definitely in the barely there category, but it was almost noticeable, not in the old baggy t-shirt she was wearing, but he got a good look last night and it was there, his little baby was growing in his tiny wife. He was staring at it a little too long and Rachel's eyes wondered to his gaze, "Finn? What are you doing? Staring won't make it bigger," she was still tense and nervous and was now taking her mood out on Finn.

"I know, baby, I'm just looking, cos it's so beautiful," he tried to kiss her, but she raised an eyebrow and turned back to the magazine.

"You are suck a kiss ass."

"Hudson?"

Both of them tuned at the same time to the direction their name was call, with the same anxious expression.

"Come this way, please."

She suddenly forgot all about being irritated at Finn and quickly grabs his hand pulling him along behind her as they headed into the doctor's office.

"Finally, I get to meet the famous farther! Hello, Finn. I'm doctor Matthews, I've seen Rachel once already with this little one, isn't that right?" He was quite a cheery man, but his eyes held wisdom and when Finn shook his hand he knew he could trust him, it was something about his warm smile which seemed to say, 'you can relax, I've got it from here.' Rachel nodded in response to his question and made her way to the middle of the room, next to the examining table, the doctor met her, rolling his chair to the other side, a friendly smile directed at her and she suddenly felt a ease and her worries begin to melt away ever so slightly, "and I saw you twice before, with the other little one?" His voice was soft and gentle and he didn't hide the sympathy behind it, " want to have a little look at this was?" When he spoke you felt as if he was only speaking to you, and he captured your attention completely. Rachel hesitated for a moment before climbing up, and immediately Dr Matthews pick up on it, he lent in closer and Finn pulled up a chair, "it's fine, Rachel, breath." He left the young couple together as he wheeled away to get the equipment. Rachel turned to Finn and whispered, taking his hand in hers, "I'm glad your hear this time, perhaps if I'd told you last time none of it would have happened, cos you'd have been here to look after me, I'm still sorry-"

"Shhhh, baby," he lent in and place a light kiss on her lips and Dr Matthews returned to her other side, "didn't talk like that, focus on now, and this little one, okay?"

"But..." Her bottom lip trembled, "what if..." Her attempt to detach herself from the current situation hadn't worked, mulling over the past wouldn't change the present, she knew that, but she could face it, if she lost another.

"It will be fine," Finn once again kiss her, but this time on the forehand and his hand wondered to the hem of her top, Dr Matthews silently telling him to raise it for her, both men knew this was hard for Rachel, that the next few weeks will be, until she comfortable again, Finn above all else, cos he'd be quietly going through the same thing.

"Okay, Rachel, looks like a nice little bump you're getting," Dr Matthews tried to relax them both, and although he tone could be construed as patronising, it was what they both needed at the moment, "looks like you'll have a big one in no time," he looked at his screen and tapped a few buttons to set up. Rachel felt Finn squeeze her hand and she looked up at him, his eyes were glued to the screen, he didn't want to miss one second of this.

She tensed as the gel was squirted on her stomach and her grip on his hand tightened when the transducer was passed over her little bump. She could have sworn both her and Finn stopped breathing for a minute as the waited in agony as their doctor searched for a heartbeat. When the quick tiny thumps filled the room Rachel let out a loud cry, unlike last time these thumps were stronger and quicker, her free hand was over her mouth to quiet herself and Finn's forehead was rested against her shoulder, his face hidden. It was almost too much for him.

"Sounds healthy, and it you look here," Dr Matthews continued, "You can have a little look at the baby making that noise," he presses a few buttons and the picture froze. Rachel was looking at it in ore p, last time she's seen their baby girl, but this time it felt different, because Finn was by her side making the whole experience more real. His head hadn't moved from her shoulder, he feared if he looked up the whole room would see him cry and how manly would that be?

"I'll give you two a minute, but I'll come back to finish off the appointment, okay?" Rachel nodded, unable to speak thought the tears rolling down her cheeks. He smiled, stood up and left the room. When she heard the door close, Rachel looked at Finn, still buried against her shoulder, "Finn, look, it's our baby," her voice was soft and he desperately wanted to look up, but knew he couldn't keep it together, "please look, they're so perfect, Finn."

His head finally rose and she could see the tears glistening in her eyes, which were already red from holding them in, he sniffed loudly as he haze fell on the screen. As soon as he made out the outline of their child, he broke. Finn cried more than Rachel. But she understood, he'd wanted this for so long, and probably even more than she did. She looked hat him as he watched the screen, "I think we might actually be doing this," she muttered as a smile grew across his face at her words.

"Yeah? I think so too."

_**Note: Review! Xx**_


	9. I Don't Want To Lose You Now Part 3

**_Note: Slower updates now, cos you're catching up with me! Also expect a lot of angst from now on til I don't know, however long it takes for Finchel to sort it out! :P also...REVIEWS! Please! Xx_**

"Rachel? Babes? Have you seen my Titans t-shirt?" He looked round their room a little longer, yelling to her in the living room, "you know, the grey one?" He finally gave up and went into her, "have you seen it babes-?" His voice trailed off when he saw her sitting back straight, cross legged with the words "William McKinley High Titans" across her chest. She had a bright smile pinned across her face.

"Nope, Finny, I haven't seen it," she shook her head from side to side, her hairs flicking with each turn.

He raised an eyebrow and slowly walked over to her, "oh really? She nodded quickly, "is that so?" She nodded again, "well then, I'll have to stay topless today and..." He squatted down in front of her and had his hands over her bare knees, "I think it's only fair you join me."

Rachel giggled and shook her head vigorously, "no. Just you. I'm fine, thank you."

Finn smirked up at her and placed his hands on her waist, slipping them under his top which was engulfing her and run them over her growing stomach. He liked stroking her stomach, since the appointment 2 weeks ago she'd got bigger still, he was certain they were going to have a mini him. Finn had done his research, he knew how big most women got at 14 weeks, and he knows that everyone's different, but Rachel was big. She looked adorable though, cos she's normally so tiny. She stopped being playful and just watched him, wanted his eyes light up, watched his hands move under the top.

"Careful," she whispered and he immediately stopped his actions eyes shooting up at her.

"You're alright, baby?" He was concerned all of a sudden; Rachel had been acting weird the past few days and he felt like he was walking on egg shells when it came to talking about the baby, "nothing...hurts?"

"I'm fine, I just want to be extra careful, especially now." She looks almost ashamed to say it, it was a silly request, and she felt embarrassed to even feel this way. But she was still scared, yes, everything was fine at the last appointment, but it was this time last time that it all went wrong, she had hardly slept in case she missed a sign.

He looked at her sympathetically, "you're fine and the baby is fine, okay baby? Don't scare me like that. I'm not going to let anything happen to either of you, I'm here now."

She timidly batted her eye lashes, "I know, I know, I'm just..."

Finn climbed next to her on the couch, shifting her position so she was sitting between his legs and he lent them both back so they were practically lying on the couch. His hands went to her sides and ran gently up and down, "scared," he finished for her. "How did you feel the time after you choked at your NYADA audition?"

"Way to make me feel better, Finn!" She snapped, trying to get up, but he pulled her back.

"No, I mean, it was a horrible, scary experience, but you got back up and blew the house down at Nationals."

"But this is a person, Finn, not a performance."

"I know, but think about it like that. It's like me, I lost you countless times in high school, but, deep down I never gave up on us, not really."

Her hands laced with his so they moved together over her stomach, "you're adorable, and I wouldn't want to get through any of this without you."

He smiled, even though she couldn't see, "good, cos you married me!"

She giggled lightly and looked down at their hands, together. He was being to gentle, like she asked, but deep down she knew there was no need. It was almost like he was ghosting over her stomach, hands barely brushing her bump. Rachel rested her head on his chest, is warmth pressing onto her cheek as she listened to his heartbeat. Her brow knitted together at the unusually fast speed of it, she peered up at him. His eyes were focused straight ahead, and looked concerned and slightly confused. He blinked quickly a few times and swallowed.

"Finn?" She asked tentatively.

His eyes snapped onto her, "yeah, babe?" His expression had softened at the sound of her voice.

Rachel examined his face for a moment, taking in all his features. The freckles on his nose, the light stubble shadowing his face, then there was the stuff that only now she was noticing, the dark circles round his eyes, the light creases and despite the sympathetic look he was giving her, his eyes harboured a glimmer of pain, hurt, broken. "Nothing, I just," she bit her lip and pressed his hands firmly on her stomach, "baby," she whispered slowly.

Finn only smiled and relaxed at the contact, muttering her last word again, "baby."

"Finn!" He nearly dropped the bowl of popcorn he was carrying as she screeched his name from the bedroom.

"Yeah?" He asked almost scared as to why she'd want him. The next few weeks had been pretty scary for him. Rachel Berry, adorable and sweet though she is has the worst mood swings anyway, so a pregnant one was like living with Santana, Quinn and Rachel all rolled into one. She'd be mean, she be crazy, she'd be excitable, but at least he could cope with that, he hated when she cried. When Rachel cried he always felt guilty, even if the reason was nothing to do with him and was in fact a kitten being taken to a rescue centre on animal rescue.

"Get your ass in here now!" She yelled again. Two thoughts were running through his mind. Either she was in that mood she was in a few days ago, where they spent a memorable afternoon with her pinned up on every wall, his body pressed as close as possible, attacking her face and neck with his lips and then they proceeded to "christen" every surface possible. Or she'd yell at him for leaving his clothes out, is excuse of "I was leaving them out in case you wanted to wear them," would only work the first dozed times.

"What's up, my sweet, beautiful amazing wife? Have I told you lately that I loved do?" He popped his head round the door to check the situation before entering unarmed. She was standing in her underwear, clothes everywhere, "oh, so you /are/ in that mood," thinking it was safe he moved towards her his signature half smile spreading across his face.

"No, Finn!" She threw whatever she item of clothing she was holding at his face and it slid to the floor to reveal his pout, "no, Finn, I mean..." She thrust her hip at him, which only made him smile more, "look!" He knew what she meant and could see she was frustrated, she was 16 weeks now and was starting to show clearly through her clothes which is why around the house she wore his, he snaked his arms round her waist and cupped her ass, pulling her close. She ducked her head into his chest, grabbing theist's fulls of his T-shirt, smelling him as he calmed her. Finn kissed her head and whispered into her hair, "you think maybe we tell people now? We can't hide forever."

She looked up at his words, "a little longer." She teased, she knew there was no point, she had to tell, for one thing her costume wouldn't fit, she was sure people had already caught on there at work, and she was kinda dying to tell Kurt so he could get excited.

Finn pressed another kiss into her hair, "you look beautiful, by the way, really hot."

She raised her eyebrow, "oh really?"

He stepped back and looked at her almost in shock that she could think any differently, "hell yeah! Rach, you were all kinds do sexy before, this is on a whole new level! And you walking round in my old t-shirts and boxers aren't helping! And I don't want to sound disrespectful, or anything, and I loved them before, but," his gaze fell to her breasts, and a smirk appeared on his face, thankfully she smiled with him as his eyes lit up, "you look boobyful," their eyes met and she blushed.

"Am I forever yours?"

"Faithfultittie."

Santana sat watching him move round the kitchen area, opening and closing cupboards at 100 miles an hour. Something was up, he was hiding something from her, he had that gassy infant look on his face and she finally sat down with her at the table with the sugar. Eyeing him closely she put a spoonful in her coffee, which tasted awful because Finn really couldn't make coffee, as he sat there watching her back.

"So are you going to tell me what the hell I'm doing here? Cos I'm not gonna be your mistress before you ask, I know Ber-I mean BuckBeak is a prude and has been grouchy at even me recently, but I'm sure your sex drought will be over soon," she grabbed his arm and have it a squeeze, "just hang in there," she said sarcastically before sipping her drink, "where is the hobbit anyway? Although she's not much of a hobbit anymore, have you been giving her your portions at dinner time? Or is she getting ready to play the role of Santa in the musical Elf? I knew she wanted to be in it so bad; in fact she was born to play one of the extras in the film! But I figured with the extra weight she been carrying she's set her sights higher and wanted to literally play the big man." Finn rolled his eyes at her remarks, after the last few years he'd grown to tolerate Santana's comments, and her, so much to the extent you could almost call them close. But really it was since he broke down in front of her that they really bonded. She may be a bitch, but she has his back, and Rachel's.

"Nice, how long have you wanted to say that then? Since you arrived? A week?"

"Two maybe, but come on. You can't deny it, you live with her, you must realise she looks like she's smuggling a melon."

"That's kinda why I got you here," his smiled widened. He and Rachel had talked, if she got to tell Kurt he wanted to tell Santana, "Rachel and I are pregnant!"

He expected her to jump up and cheer, give him a pat on the back, maybe even cry with everything they'd been through but all he got was, "oh thank God! It took you long enough! How long did she expect she could hide it for?"

He looked taken aback, "you knew?"

"Literally everyone does! The two of you have been so secretive, she's been crazy, she looks like she's hiding a small beach ball, and you got married in a month!"

"Hey!" He pointed his finger at her, "I only found out a few weeks ago, how come no one warned me?"

"That's cos you're stupid..." His face fell at her words, "sorry, I'm actually really happy for you, both. You'll be excellent parents," she admitted with a small smile, "how has it been?"

"Scary. I mean, she was scared, and I was and...It was horrible," he sighed rubbing the back of his neck, "but I think, I hope it's all okay now, like we're in the clear sorta thing, which is why we're telling people, which is why I told you. But you all know so..." He looked disappointed. He'd actually really looked forward to telling everyone their big news, but now it felt like nothing as they all already knew.

"Look green giant, we all had hunches, but that doesn't make me any the less excited for you, or proud to be Aunty Snix."

He looked up from the table at her with a smile, "Aunty Snix?"

"Sorry, I mean I don't mean to intrude, I'll just be Snix."

"No, I like Aunty Snix, I was just calling you Aunty Tanna, that's what I say to the baby, but I can change it."

Her face softened and Finn swore he saw tears in her eyes, "wait, really? You call me Aunty? Really?"

"Well, yeah." His smile grew and he even held her hand over the table, something he didn't think anyone had done with Santana apart from Brittany, "who else is gonna teach her how to defend herself from dickheads? And we need your "Mexican eye" to look out for her," he chuckled lightly and her tapped her forehead and she grabbed his hand playfully.

"Hey! It helped your ass, remember? If it weren't for my third Mexican eye, Rachel would still be shacking up with weird Ken guy!" They both looked like they were going to throw up at the mention of Brody.

"Let's not."

"Yeah."

"Well, look at you Mama Hudson!" Kurt greeted her with a hug and kiss on the cheek before holding her at arm's length and taking in her new image, "you're glowing! Really!" Rachel could only blush, it had been a long time since she's seen Kurt, and now her little secret was finally out he was able to treat her the way he'd wanted to for weeks. "So, we'll go shopping at got you some clothes with actually fit you, although I do like that dress on you, very Quinn Fabray Sophomore year, we'll then have a spot of lunch and you get rest your feet and get some energy back, and we'll finish with some baby shopping. I already have my eye on a teddy bear in a tutu."

After taking it all in she stopped him before she grabbed her hand to whisk her away, "slow down Kurt! Can't we just talk? I mean, I really need and want your help with something."

He look at her blankly, "talk and shop?"

"No! Just talk, this is important. It's about the musical."

"Oh my God, Rachel, I completely forgot!" He pulled her over to a bench and sat her down still holding her hand, "what are you going to do? Have you told them? And the Tonys! Rachel! You should have thought about this before you let Finn...yeah..." He looked uneasy at the thought of his stepbrother's sex life.

"I know! Don't even start; it's been playing on my mind for weeks! What am I going to do?! The short list for the Tonys comes out in about 4 months, and we've been on all the sites constantly, I'm a shoe in! But not if I have to leave," she sighed, "I've wanted that Tony since I could sing, this is my chance!"

"Rachel, you're pregnant. It's not the end of the world, with your talent there will be more musicals, you're seriously considering choosing the musical over your child?"

"What?! No! That's horrible I just don't know what to do," she looked down at her bump and patted it, "they're still small, I'm not due for 5 months, and my part barely dances, I mean, I could keep going, for a month or two, maybe."

Kurt looked at her concerned, he knew his best friend, how determined she can be, how badly she wanted things. But he'd never seen her faced with a dilemma like this before, choosing between two things extremely important to her, with huge consequences. All he knew was she wasn't stupid, and however she chose to play it, would be the right way, he hoped. "Rachel, all I can say is be careful, and maybe they should be informed at work before you decide to do river dance."

She rolled her eyes at him, "come on, let's get me some new clothes."

It was about 3:30pm when she got back to the apartment, and Rachel had an hour to shower and prepare before heading to the theatre to get there at five thirty for hair and makeup. She would have to tell the costume department tonight, they might be able to sort something out. She'd also inform the director and get his opinion on what she should do. She could quit straight away and who knew what would happen to her career or she could continue a little longer and secure her Tony nomination, but could she hold on that long? It was with a heavy sigh that she unlocked the door to the apartment, struggling with bags full of the purchases she and Kurt made that day.

When Finn heard the door go, his head popped up from the couch where he'd been snoozing, "Rachel?" He called rubbing his eyes, "are you back?"

She didn't say anything, her head was still full of the thoughts of the musical and the baby, she simply hobbled into the kitchen and dropped all the bags, not giving Finn time to help, but as soon as he saw her struggling he hopped over the back of the couch to her, "hey! You shouldn't be carrying all of that. I thought you were with Kurt, why didn't he help you bring stuff up? Or why didn't you text me to come down and help?" He tried to stroke her arms, but she was already heading to the bedroom to get changed, "Blaine called Kurt and told him they were going on a spontaneous date, and I didn't know where you were, I thought maybe you and Santana had gone out." She kept the door open as she stripped off her dress and jewellery.

"No, I told San here. She'd already guessed, but is really excited for us. I told her she going to be an Aunty. She liked that. How was Kurt?"

"Fine, he knew too. But...I guess we can't hide stuff very well. But we went shopping for stuff," Finn began to look through the bags of clothes and Rachel came out wrapped in a towel.

"Yeah, I can see. Did you actually buy anything for the baby?" He joked walked over to her as she crossed the living area to the bathroom. She was going and such a fast pace he almost had to jog to catch her," Rach, slow down, you haven't given me my kiss yet."

He reached out for her hand, "Finn, I have to get ready for the show..." But he'd finally got her hand and spun her round. As he did she suddenly found herself feeling dizzy and practically fell into him, her eyes closing for a brief moment.

"Rachel?" He tried holding her up, but grabbing her waist and wrapping her own arms doing his neck, "baby, are you okay?"

Her body was limp in his grasp as she tried to find footing again, "I'm fine!" She said shakily, "just don't do that! That was your fault! You can't even dance anyway, so...just don't do that!"

Finn was hurt by her words, he'd always spin her round, they'd often dance round the living room on a Sunday evening, "Rach, I don't think-"

"Yes, it was. Now let go of me, or I'll be late."

He let her go, and stood there as she stropped off, holding on to various object to steady herself. "Rachel, I'm coming to watch tonight," he called as she disappeared into the bathroom, "I want to watch you perform again."

"Whatever, Finn, I'm not the boss of you," as soon as she closed the door she sat herself down on the toilet seat, panicking slightly. She'd never felt faint before, not after a simple movement like that. There had been times in the past for weeks where she'd had to sit down for a few minutes, but she'd never been that bad. Her day had been pretty long and busy, so for now she put it down to that as she began to run the water for the shower.

"I know, but you'll need to save me a seat somewhere, that's all," he managed to walk over to the bathroom door and was pressed against it trying to listen for anything else, her little outburst and actions had scared him. A lot. Not that he'd show it, but Finn was determined again to not let her out of his sight until he really had to. His protective nature over Rachel had doubled after the miscarriage, and was on high alert now. This time, if something was wrong, he was going to be there to stop it.

It was probably the worst performance she'd ever had to do. Her little episode with Finn before had already worried her and when she revealed to the director her situation, he didn't really say or do anything, leaving her feeling guilty and even more upset. But the show must go on. The costume department were able to loosen the stitching of her dress round her midsection, but that was it for now. She still felt uncomfortable in it, and before she went on the director apologised for his reaction earlier and said he just didn't want to let her go yet. What did that mean?! She was desperately confused as the first few bars of her solo played, but somehow, being the talent she was she managed to get through it. But then came the long heart-breaking scene in which Rachel had to force herself to tears, which came easily tonight and have a heated argument with her supporting actor, that combined with the heat from the spotlights caused her posture to weaken and she felt herself sway as her eyes fluttered open and closed. She needed to get off the stage or sit down or something. As an actress she knew she couldn't just walk off the stage, but as a mother-to-be in was in her best interest to do something, so still in character she moved to the back of the stage to the table and held herself up against it. Sure to through the other members of the cast on stage off, but they worked with it and no one suspected a thing.

It was only at the end of play, when they took their bows did it become too much for her body. She put up a fight for too long, and with the noise of the crowd and the impossible heat from the lights and her tight costume she fainted. The room went blurry and the sound became muffled until suddenly there was nothing.


	10. These Arms Are Yours To Hold Part 1

_**Okay, so a little author's note. Spoiler alert sort of. I know that a woman is also effected massively by a miscarriage, in a completely different way from the man,no less horrifying and upsetting. And Rachel did suffer, I know I didn't write about it but it was inferred, I just felt I could give her POV the emotion it deserved. I also prefer writing from Finn's POV, I don't know why I just do. Anyway, what I'm saying is Finn actions, although maybe seen as selfish to some at that point of the story (going to his mom), it was setting him up for the rest of his journey. I didn't think the story would go in this direction with him, but I saw the opportunity and I latch on to all things angst. So I'm sorry if Finn has offended, and maybe my writing wasn't clear or may not be in future chapters, but I had an idea with him and I've just gone for it. I'm sorry if the rest of the story goes down hill because I took a chance. **_

_**I also think their personalities need to be takes into consideration, I see Rachel being able to bounce back from a miscarriage much stronger than Finn.  
But keep reviewing, I try to reply to all! :)  
Xx**_

The sheets underneath her where crisp and not comforting. It felt like she was lying on paper. She also felt cold, and extremely uncomfortable. Something wasn't right. Wherever she was, it wasn't home. There was no soft glow from the small window, instead her behind her closed eyes was bright light. There was no warmth from her husband besides her, only a wall which came far to soon. There was no light snore from him either, just the occasional murmur from someone in another room and suddenly a heavy sigh.

Her eyes shot open, too soon as she was blinded by the bright lights of the hospital room. Rachel had to blink a few times, but otherwise remained still. She didn't want a nurse fussing over her just jet. She needed time to think and gather her thoughts.

The night was a blur. She could hardly remember performing, she just knew she was in agony throughout the show. She remembered feeling anxious and tired. She remembered leaning on the table. She remembered bowing. She remembered the blackness. But whatever happened after, she hadn't retained. She didn't know who came to her aid, when she got here, how she fell. She let out a stifled moan and shifted in the bed, her hand wondering to her stomach, as swollen as ever and she felt a wave of relief. They were fine, her baby was fine, her own stupidities hadn't jeopardised her second chance, Finn's second chance.

Finn.

She suddenly looked around the hospital room. And sure enough, he was there. Sitting in the chair next to her, he must have been there for a long time. His eyes were red and his hair was a mess from where he'd repeatedly run his fingers through it. His clothes were the ones he's watched her in and were now creased and crumpled. He looked as tired as she felt and was watching her every move.

"Hey," she croaked, but barely anything came out, is was more a sound than an actual word. As soon as he hears her, Finn jumped to his feet to grab the cup of water a few steps away and handed it to her. All the while Rachel was trying to read his expression, she'd been able to do it so well, but for now it was staying rather neutral.

"I'll call the nurse or doctor or someone to tell them you're awake," once the cup was in her hand he strode over to the door. Rachel wanted to protest, have it just the two of them until she was properly wake, but Finn was already out the door and she was left alone. She watches as much as she could of him through the window, but he quickly disappeared.

She wanted Finn to give her some answers, like how long she was out of it, or what happened after she fell, or if anyone else knew she was here, but he'd left so quickly and didn't seem in the mood for talking to her, which scared her.

It wasn't long before her doctor, Dr Matthews, was in the room with Finn close behind. He came to the foot of her bed and Finn leant against the wall behind him.

"Well, Rachel, you gave someone quite a scare," the doctor slowly looked over his shoulder at Finn, who rolled his eyes and looked away, arms folded across his chest, "but you are fine, I can assure you. You fainted, which isn't uncommon for women at your stage of pregnancy, the only trouble was it built up too much, so you were out for a little longer than normal, but not to worry, you're fine now."

She nodded and smiled and felt a huge wave of relief gush over her. Nothing to worry about, completely normal, "thank you doctor, when can I go home?"

"In a little bit, we just want to check your heart rate and I'll have a little look at the baby, just to make sure you're all fine, but I see no reason why you shouldn't be." He gave her a bright smile," when you are at home, make sure you relax, and don't strain yourself. If you feel faint again, sit down. Take the weight off, don't push yourself, okay?"

"Yes, doctor, I understand, sorry."

"Alright then, I'll give you two a minute before I run the tests," with a final nod at the both of them, he was gone.

"So, has Kurt come to see me?" She smiled at him, but Finn hadn't said anything when the doctor was there so Rachel thought it best she start the conversation, "Finn?"

His jaw tensed and he avoided looking at his tiny wife in the bed, "Finn, are you alright?" She looked up at him concerned.

"Do you understand what could have happened?" He suddenly came out with.

"What?" Rachel was taken aback by his harsh tone.

"What...what if you were bowing as you fell? What if you fell forward? Ever think about that, Rachel?"

She really couldn't believe he was doing this right now, "Finn, I think you should calm down. I didn't fall forward, obviously, not that I would know, you haven't even told me what happened!" Aware she shouldn't get as annoyed as him, now wasn't the time or place to have a fight, but she wasn't going to let him talk to her like that, when she and no clue what happened.

He licked his lips and began to point at her, "you want to know what happened? You fell, Rachel! I watched you nearly fall in the apartment before the performance, but you just went on that stage. And I was to far away to catch you that time! I..." He looked up at the ceiling and blinked away a few tears, trying to control himself, "I knew something wasn't right, I knew it! That's why I went to watch, so I could take you straight home after, so I could be with you for as long as I could, but I wasn't there once again! I couldn't protect you!" Finn ran his fingers through his hair, like he had done throughout the time he was at the hospital and Rachel just looked at him in silence. It took him a moment to breath, and he paced a bit, calming slightly but no less upset, his eyes were glued to the ground as the memory of Rachel on the stage flooded back, "you just fell," he said slowly, "and I knew it was coming. I knew you weren't right, but you'd held on for so long I thought you were going to be alright. But you weren't. You just..."

"Fell," Rachel finally said causing Finn to look at her at last.

"And I was too far away!" He rushed over to her side, the anger coming back, "I could get to you, and I was so scared, I was yelling, but you couldn't hear me, no one could. I had to push my way on to that stage! But I wasn't fast enough! They were all huddled round you, and I couldn't get to you, Rach! But when I did..." He pulled back; his hand in his hair, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, "you just lay there. On your back, face expressionless. And I couldn't do anything! I didn't know what happened or what was wrong, you couldn't tell me, you were out cold! What if there was something wrong with the baby? That's what I thought! What if it happened again?!"

They were both silent then. Only Finn's heavy breathing could be heard. Neither looked at the other. Finn was looking somewhere straight ahead and Rachel was watching her hands on her lap as she sat up in bed.

"So you thought about the baby-"

"Then I thought about you," he cut her off almost as if he didn't event hear her. His mind was still on that stage, with an unresponsive Rachel lying flat on her back, "I thought, what if she doesn't wake up."

"Finn, that's ridic-"

"And that would have been worse."

It was silent once again, but this time Rachel was looking at him. She wanted to touch him, but despite the tears in his eyes she knew there was still anger there and was scared he'd reject her. "You didn't move Rachel." He voice cracked and all Rachel wanted more than anything was to hold him. Finn obviously was hiding feelings she knew were there, but never knew were that strong. And despite them being loving, they must have been eating him up inside, he'd become paranoid with loss, loss of a loved one. Which led to him being angry at himself for not preventing it.

"Finn, I-"

"I'll go see if that doctor is ready." He sniffed and rubbed his nose, still unable to look at her as he fled the room.

He never came back to the room. For for the test, not for the ultrasound. Only when she was sitting, changed on the bed did he finally come back. His eyes were redder than before, and there was fresh wet tracks on his cheeks, evidence that he'd been crying. In all honesty she didn't know what to do. She didn't want to push him to talk to her in case he got angry, she didn't even want to touch him in case he exploded. So she could only look at him sympathetically for the duration of the cab ride home.

"Right," he sighed making her jump, his voice was so calm now, a complete contrast to what it was before, "you need to sit down, I'll bring your pillow in here so you can lie on the coach and watch TV, I'll even put Barbra on, how about Funny Girl?" His eyes were darting round the room from we're one item might be to the next.

"It's fine, Finn. I'll just go-"

"No, no it's not fine. You need to rest therefore you will. And you're gonna do it were I can see you," he was stern with her and she slightly scared by how forceful he could be.

"Finn-"

"You're right. I'm sorry, do what you have to do and I'll make some lunch, how about that?" He finally looked at her, almost pleading for her forgiveness over the way he's acted and it just made her want to cry for him. This wasn't Finn, not her goofy Finn. Something wasn't right, something had gone wrong but he didn't want to admit it. Something was troubling him, and he wasn't going to talk about it anytime soon, at least not with her.

She didn't move when he went into the kitchen area. Once again she found herself watching him as he opened the fridge, closed it. Opened some cupboard took a few things out, closed them. She could hear his heavy breathing a wanted to help him, she wanted him to open up and talk to her. To let her in and let go of whatever was making him like his, a shell of himself.

Rachel knew he won't fall asleep until she was. They'd been lying in bed for at least an hour; she was reading for the most part, him on his iPad. As soon as she put her hood down he locked the iPad and turned off the light. The room was only lit but the street light outside creeping through the thin curtain of their single window. He back was to him, as she couldn't bear to see him like this, but she could feel his eyes on her tiny frame. This was no way to live, him in fear of everything that could approach her, but she didn't know how to fix it for him. Somehow she must have drifted off with the silent tears rolling down her cheeks. And at some point in the night he must has given in to, because when she woke she was not only wrapped in the sheet but also his arms, which had a protective grip round her waist, and his face nuzzled in her hair.


	11. These Arms Are Yours To Hold Part 2

_**Note: Exams finally over! This chapter and the next I feel are not my best work, and I think I was just in a stressful place and took it out on the fic! :P But hopefully now my exams are over I'm able to pick this fic back up! :)  
Xx**_

"I'm telling you, something isn't right," she put down the plate of biscuits and immediately picks one up and took a bite. She did make the best cookies, Finn said it, her father's said it and one day her child would say it, but for now they'd have to cope with her eating them. She said down at the table and took another bite, "it scares me, I mean it," some of the sincerity was lost due to the fact her mouth was full of the sugary snack.

"It's probably nothing," Santana replied, but not as strong as she normally would have, "he's allowed to be slightly on edge, you are pregnant." It had been two weeks since the fainting incident, and Finn wouldn't let Rachel out the house without him accompanying her wherever she went. He made sure she didn't go back to work for at least three days and even then he was reluctant to let her go. He even took two days off after they got back so he could keep an eye on her. Since then he'd even taken to coming to all the evening performances so he could take her home after. He didn't let her do the grocery shopping, it would always be him or occasionally she could come along, he's pick up the laundry, he's even taken to preparing meals for her during the day if he wasn't around. Except all the time he never talked about himself, it was always, "are you alright?" "It isn't too much for you is it?" And Rachel was scared to tell him to stop in case she hurt his feelings.

"No, Santana. It's gone passed that. I literally can't pee without him knowing about it or have him standing holding the toilet paper!"

Santana laughed and Rachel grabbed another cookie, "okay, now you're exaggerating. We all knew man child worshiped the ground you walked on and I'm still convicted he'd change his name to Mr Rachel Berry, but..." She stained off and stopped herself from revealing too much, "did you just inhale your second cookie?" Rachel stopped, her arm out stretched for a third cookie, "so?"

Santana smiled, she hadn't spent much time with pregnant Rachel, but she was beginning to like her, "nothing."

"What were you saying?" Rachel tried to get back onto the subject, while picking small bites of the cookie off and putting it in her mouth.

"Me? Nothing," everyone knew Santana was a grade A liar, but she didn't know how well she could do it to a pregnant Rachel, it was like lying to people, two very sweet innocent people, and even though it made her feel sick, she also felt sorry for them.

"No, you were, you said 'but', but what?" She was halfway through that cookie not really noticing Santana's eyes darting round the room trying to find something, anything to distract her.

"Oh! Would you look at the time! Finn will be back soon, and I have to go...make dinner for Britt...But this was nice! We should do it again sometime! Maybe we could go to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, that way there will always be enough cookies for you and you'll be amongst your own people," she quickly got up, "okay, bye bye, BuckBeak!" She tried making a B line to the door, but Rachel was quickly on her feet, too quickly.

"Santana! Shit!" At the curse Santana's head jerked to meet Rachel. Rachel Berry never swore, never. Her eyes were closed and she was holding herself up using the table, "don't even think about moving, Lopez!" Her eyes were still closed and Santana quickly moved to her side and helped her sit back down.

"I won't tell Finn that happened, if you don't do it again, okay?"

"Well if you don't try and run away I won't stand up too quickly. Now," she opened her eyes and grabbed Santana's hand tightly so she couldn't move, "spill."

Santana sighed reluctantly, "but...just keep an eye on him, that's all." It wasn't and Rachel knew it, it was taking every ounce of strength Santana had not to tell her everything, especially with the way she was looking at her, "look, Rach, I can't. I promised him. He's just going through a rough patch. As soon as this pregnancy is over the sooner he'll be back to normal."

Rachel let go of her hand and Santana began to walk away, "I'm sorry, I just-"

"What if it doesn't get better?" Rachel hadn't moved, her bottom lip trembled slightly but she continued to stare straight ahead, not blinking, "what if he stays paranoid, and becomes one of those parents. I thought he would be a brilliant father, and still do, but not if he's like this. Not if he thinks every decision his child will make could end with them in danger or worse." Santana turned to look at Rachel's pleading face, and Rachel slowly looked up at her, her eyes filled to the brim with tears, "you're saying I can't lean on him in this pregnancy, when I probably need him most, I can't use him? What am I supposed to do?"

"Look, Rachel, he's trying. You may not see it, but he is. And maybe what he needs is tough love. But, you understand, surely, what he's been through? Rachel, he lost a child."

"I DID TOO!"

"I know, I know. But he wasn't there, he thinks in some strange way he could have prevented it by being there. So therefore he blames himself. Which is why he can't let you out of his site. At the moment he thinks you need him more than he needs you, but in reality...I think it's the other way round," Rachel looked at her confused, and Santana sighed. "He came to me after you miscarried, and he was angry, really angry, so I told him to get help, and he did, in this mom and eventually you. And when you were in hospital a few weeks ago he called me, and he was in the same angry state, he thought it could have all happened again and it was his fault because he wasn't with you on that stage. Originally I told him to get help in case he lashed out at you, now I think he'll last out at himself, and like you I'm scared."

She was so confused at this point, but on top of that she was scared, "wait, is there something wrong with him? What do I do? To I take him to someone? Do I..." She started to cry, today was just going to be a little chat with Santana, no way had Rachel anticipated it would get this out of hand.

Normally the site of people crying made Santana roll her eyes, but now she saw it necessary, she herself had felt like crying when she got that phone call from Finn. He was yelling again and she could hear him kicking the wall as he ranted on, "Please don't cry," she rushed over to the smaller woman's side and knelt down next to her awkwardly padding her shoulder, "it will all be fine, I promise, I won't let anything happen, okay?" Rachel cried into her shoulder as Santana continued to patter, "So how long does, you know, this last?"

"Santana? Shut up..."

"Yeah, okay."

It was slightly later than normal when he got home. Being the music teacher, to take the school Glee club and he stopped by the grocery store for a quick shop before heading home.

"Baby?" He called out lying the bags on the counter, eagerly looking round the living area for his wife, "baby, I'm home. I stopped by the store to get some stuff for tea and to pick up some more of that yogurt you've been craving. You finished it last night so I figured I'd get you some more." He was still yelling as she wasn't on the couch or in the bathroom as he searched the apartment for her, "Rach?"

"I'm here!" Her voice was quiet, but cheery and he followed the sound to the bedroom.

"Hey!" She was half under the sheets, it was puller up to just under her belly and her t-shirt was bunched up under her breasts, "wait, why are you in bed? Are you alright? You didn't faint did you? Rach, you should have called, I'd have come home sooner."

Most of the time she'd have found the panic adorable, and laughed at him, but deep down she knew it wasn't cute or funny anymore, "baby, if fine. I was having a nap. Okay? Now can you pass me the cream on the chest over there?"

As soon as the words left her mouth he was at the chest like a magnet, he was even quicker when getting the pot to her, "I just thought you had another turn. Or felt sick, and that supposed to have passed now, so I was worried-"

She held a finger to his lips to shush him, "I know you were, I know." Her hand moved over the features on his face, her thumb tracing his cheek bone and her palm rested on the side of his head. How could her something perfect be hurting so bad and barely know it? How could her sweet innocent Finn not talk to her? She thought they'd moved passed this, but he obviously was slipping back into his old ways. "Finn, baby? I love you, you know that, right?" He nodded excitedly, but his eyes were searching hers to see where this was going, "baby, you're suffocating me!" His brows knitted together and her pulled away, but Rachel was determined to have this conversation and didn't want to let him go, as he pulled back her hand got a firm grip round his wrist, pulling him back onto the bed, "what I mean is...you know you can talk to me. Finn, we've been down this road before, and I though you knew that when it came to you, I want to know everything...I want to share you highs and know your fears. But you keeping me in the shadows and hiding stuff, not only does it change you and scares me, it belittles our entire relationship. It's also making you ill. Right now I feel you should be the one in this bed with me feeding you ice cream! But, chocolate cos that's your favourite," he managed to smile and even chuckle at her joke, "and maybe that's how it should be for a while. I know you feel you want to look after me, and that's great! But, who then gets to look after you? You won't talk to be, you won't let me. And it makes you a weaker person, one you're not."

Finn let out a shaking breath and crawled closer to her side, "I'm sorry. I am. Rach, I shouldn't...I should have hidden from you, I shouldn't have left you, I-" he gave in and lay, with his head on her chest as she held him close, stroking his hair.

"I know baby, I know. It's alright though. Everything is fine. You know why? Cos I've got you, and you've got me. "

He shook as he cried into the material of her t-shirt; all the time Rachel was stroking his messy hair behind his ear and whispering soothing word to calm him. Maybe that's what he needed, to know that she was there, as a shoulder to cry on. Or for him to finally let go.

After a while his breathing went back to normal pace, yet Rachel still didn't move him. She let him lie and if he wanted to sleep he could. She didn't say anything anymore; she let him be alone with his thoughts for asking as he needed. She would give anything to be in this mind right now, really find out what's going on. It was then she felt a slight tickling on her middle section so naturally she looked over his head to see his fingers drawing light circles and patterns on her bump. He was ever so gentle, so much so she wondered how long he'd been doing it without her even noticing. Finn then began to pat a slow drum beat using only the pads of his fingers and he began to laugh, this is how it was supposed to be. Calm, with no fear of anything, the two of them both there and present in the moment. Rachel looked at the side of his face which wasn't hidden by her t-shirt and she ran the backs of her fingers down his cheeks and he suddenly rolled over to look at her, she smiled upon seeing his smile and her eyes fluttered shut.

"If you're touching me, am I not allowed to do it to you?" She muttered, her eyes still closed, but her hands now stroking his ear.

"But I've stopped."

She let out a whispered laugh, "you're a terrible lair Hudson. I can feel you still tickling my big belly."

"No, Rach, I'm serious. Look," he lifted his arms up and with one hand tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear and with the other ran his thumb in a half circle up and down her cheek, but she still felt the odd tingling in her stomach.

Her eyes darted open to make sure, and sure enough his hands were will away from her stomach, "Finn! Finn!"

His eyes widen and he could feel himself start to panic and her cried, "what?! What's wrong, baby?! Tell me!" He sat up, off her body and grabbed her face in both his hands.

"No, Finn. I can feel them! I can feel them moving, our baby!" Her smile was so wide and contagious he could help but return the toothy grin.

"Really? Can I?" His hand moved to press lightly on her stomach and he'd quickly remove them and place them back down in a new position, his palms just about covering the whole of her exposed bump.

"No, just me for now, but soon you will, soon."

Finn still continued to smile for her, "what's it feel like, baby?"

"Bubbled, lots of ticklish bubbles!" She giggled and put her hands over his, "it's amazing, Finn!"

"I think you're amazing, Rachel"


	12. These Arms Are Yours To Hold Part 3

_**Note: So next chapter, and just a warning all updates from now on will be a little slower, probably, because you've now caught up with me! :P But thank you for all the lovely **_**_reviews, and I also appreciate constructive criticism, its all good with me! ;) So keep the reviews coming in!:P  
I know the title of each part had been from a resent song, I'll give out bonus points if you can name the artist and song for all the chapters so far! :P But the next set of chapters, I was listening to a song and it was just perfect for what's going to happen, so it'll be a big spoiler when it comes! :P  
Xx  
_**

"As much as I love the fact you and Kurt bond now over clothes, instead of having an argument, did the thought ever cross your mind that you were going to grow? You know, you are carrying a baby," he slumped back on the purple couch in the waiting area in the changing rooms.

"Ah, neither did I think I was carrying a mini you at the time, so you know, I'm going to have to call up the magical fairies that make clothes for giants, do you happen to have their number on you?" She called from behind the matching purple curtain.

"You're getting as mean as Santana, besides, you said you were excited that we were having a boy!"

"That was before I knew how difficult he was going to be," she let out a small huff as she undoubtedly pull off another too small top.

"It was like 20 minutes ago, Rach." He rolled his head back and threw a balled up pair of socks, Ra-chel insisted she got for when her feet got cold in the night, from hand to hand.

"Shut up, Finn!" An older woman who was also waiting for someone looked in his direction; she was obviously eavesdropping and enjoying a free show. A show in which Finn gets the piss taken out of constantly or yelled at, either way it ends badly for him, "now, how...does...this...look?" Suddenly the curtains opened and Rachel, was standing in a long peachy maxi dress and jean jacket. The jacket stopped halfway down her stomach and the dress very plain and simple, straight down, but her bump was clearly visible and the colour complimented her skin perfectly.

"You look beautiful. You always do, and particularly now, because you're carrying my baby and-"

"Oh, shut up! You said that stupid little speech about the last three outfits! Is it so hard for you to have an opinion, Finn?!" She threw her arms up, looking in the full length mirror turning from side to side, "damn it!"

He rolled his eyes and knew he had to do something; she had been fine until about 5 minutes ago when apparently the shop assistant looked at her wrong. He towered behind her and wrapped his arms round her stomach, just holding her. She didn't have her shoes on and was therefore the perfect high to just bend his neck and kiss the top of her head. "You know why I said it? Cos they all looked awesome, all of them. You do look beautiful," he pecked her head and he could see her blushing in the mirror, "and cute," peck, "and amazing," peck.

"Stop it," she giggled and tried to get away from him, but he gripped her to tight to get away.

"And very," peck, "very," peck, "sexy!"

"Now you really have to stop it you perv!"

"Do you think you're sexy?" He continued to mutter into her hair, he was aware they were public, but he wasn't going to stop. Rachel had been hormone crazy the last two weeks. Yes, she's yelled and moaned, but she'd also been very horny. So much so she called him during a Glee rehearsal saying how much she needed him. And of course he dropped everything, his baby mama needed him.

"Yes, I am sexy," she blushed and went back behind the curtain to change back. Finn returned to his seat on the couch, the older lady eyeing him suspiciously.

"So we'll get all four outfits, yeah? Cos that last dress will probably fit til the last week, not sure about the others, especially the jeans, but still you need clothes," he turned to the woman and said directly looking her in the eye, "we can't have you naked now, can we?" He smirked as the woman shifted uncomfortably and pursed her lips at him. Serves her right, she was being nosey and he was simply on a shopping trip with his sexy, pregnant wife.

They left the shop hand in hand, Finn carrying the two large bags in his free hand. Luckily their little moment before had pick up Rachel's mood. She was now chatting away at him, losing her attention each time something caught her eye, but managing to come back onto subject. He pretended to listen, but his mind was really elsewhere, everywhere. The doctor's appointment had gone well earlier that afternoon, thankfully, something he really needed to put his mind at ease. And that's all Rachel was really focused on too. Since confronting him about his behaviour two weeks ago, things had started to go back to normal. Finn was less on edge she felt, which was a good thing. Occasionally she'd have to tell him to back off, but he'd comply. Although today at the doctor's office she did notice his grip on her hand was tighter,mis knee was bouncing uncontrollably, she didn't know if it was the right time to maybe mention to Dr Matthews that Finn and been acting up, but with Finn in the room she didn't want to push her luck and have him go off on one.

The mall was busy with school kids just hanging out after school, but Finn guiding hand made sure she wasn't going to get knocked over or bumped into.

"So, you upset about this week? You know, last performance and everything."

"No, Finn. You see I made be a bit upset, as I will be taking a leave of absence. But it's not my last performance. Mr Groom has told be Lucy will take my place until I've had the baby and I'm ready to come back to work. However I will be upset on the night and will cry and also grieve the loss of my Tony nomination."

"Babe, it might not all be over, you could still get in."

"I can't rise my hopes. Besides I have other stuff to concentrate on, don't I?"

"Yeah, like looking after yourself," he bent down and kissed her cheek, "I'll talk to the school about my time off too, see if I can have longer before and after, cos I want to help you. We're having a boy, and you're right that's a mini me, and look at you know, you're so tiny, be he's so big and so you won't-"

"Finn, it's fine, I'll cope."

"But-"

"Finn? Mr Hudson?!"

Both Finn and Rachel stopped and looked behind them from where the voice was coming from.

"It is you!" A middle aged man in a suit walked over to them and Finn appeared to be smiling and even pulled Rachel over to him. She, on the other hand, had never met this man before.

"Hey, Dave, how are you?" She knew Finn well enough to know he was doing his polite 'hello, how long is this going to take' and she loved how he was the kind of guy who makes you feel wanted and he seems genuinely interesting in the conversation, even if he really can't be bothered, "this is my wife, Rachel. Rachel, this is Dave Flynn, he's my boss, director of music at school."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," she held out her hand and he shook it with a polity smile.

"And you, I've heard great things," after the handshake his attention went back to Finn who was watching the exchange, "I was wondering if I could have a word, actually, if you have time." The men held eye contact and Rachel watch in confusion. Finn knew what he wanted to talk about, he'd been avoiding the man long enough to expect this, but not I front of Rachel, not with her there, he couldn't.

"Umm, can't it wait, I mean here? Can't we talk at school?"

"Well, I would say yes, but you seem to be-"

"Okay!" Finn cut him off just in time, "yeah, let's have a quick chat. Rach, do you want to go and look over there? At that stuff in the window, I won't be long," he kissed her cheek and let go of her hand and Rachel left without another word. The atmosphere had changed and there was an unsettling tenseness between the two men which made her feel uneasy. She was now too far away to hear anything being said between them, but she could see this unfamiliar man's face, he didn't look angry, more concerned and maybe even frustrated. He was doing the majority of the talking. Finn's back was to her so her only indication to how he was feeling was though his shoulders, which were slightly slumped. She got concerned herself when he ran is fingers though his hair, that's went she knew something wasn't right, something was wrong, something's happened something Finn's trying to hide.

Once Finn was certain Rachel was out of earshot he let the man speak.

"You know what this is about, don't you Finn?"

"Yes," he didn't risk saying anything more.

"Look, I'm not here to lecture you, it seems you have enough on your plate," he paused, Finn wasn't looking at him, "how far along is she?"

"20 weeks."

"That's great news, why didn't you say?"

"We haven't- It's only recently we decided to tell people, I was going to, it's just...a lots been going on."

"I get it, I have two. Anyway, do you want to explain what happened two days ago?"

Finn's jaw tensed, "it was nothing, I didn't really know what happened."

"Finn, a student found you absent from a Glee club rehearsal, on the floor of your office. You were hyperventilating, the school nurse had to come and calm you down."

Finn looked over his shoulder at Rachel, "yeah, I know that happened, that's not what I meant"

"Needless to say I'm worried. I take it your wife doesn't know."

"She knows enough." He tone was harsh, no one is going to comment on his personal relationship, especially his one with Rachel, he knew how to look after and take care of her, "what I mean is; she doesn't need any unnecessary stress."

"I see. What are you going to do? See a doctor?"

"What?"

"I can try to help; maybe I could ease the work load for the time being, take over Glee."

"No!" He ran his hand though his 'fin', "no, I can't let you do that; Regional's is two weeks away, no. I want to be there with them, I've got them this far!"

"Okay, okay," Dave held his hand up in defence, "but if I hear something like this happened again, I will get people involved. I'm sorry, but I feel it my duty. If someone in my department is...suffering-"

"Suffering? I'm not suffering, I'm fine."

"Whatever you want to call it, but it's not fine, Finn, far from it. But hey, it's your life," he turned to walk away, "I just hope for your wife and child's sake, you know what you're doing."

Finn was left standing there alone for a second, just staring at where his boss had disappeared into the distance, until he felt a tug at his sleeve, "what was that about?" Rachel murmured quietly trying to get him to look at her.

"Nothing, nothing you need to worry about," his hand found hers again and he held on tight, too tight, "it was Glee stuff, the kids just freaking out with two weeks to go. You know what it's like, how some divas get."

Rachel knew he was lying, Finn couldn't lie well to anyone, let alone her. Did two weeks ago mean nothing? Did her confession about his mental health just go in one ear and out the other? Did he not trust her? Really she couldn't believe he was going to string her along for however long and keep her in the dark. She didn't deserve that. He hand pulled away from his and he folded her arms above her bump and walked a little ahead of him, "fine."

"Rachel! Don't do this," she caught up with her quickly and turned her round, "come on, it's been a long day, you're tired and we don't want a repeat of the other week. So let me take you home. I'll cook you some pasta and you can put your feet up."

"No, God Finn!" She pulled out of his grip and a few people began to stare, "you might like to go on pretending nothing is wrong, but you can think again if you think I can put up with it." He didn't say anything, just opened his mouth a few times, "forget it. I'm going home, you can do whatever the hell you want, because let's face it, you won't tell me."

"Rach, please, not here," he was literally pleading with her; the last thing he'd ever wanted was to hurt her. The one thing he was trying to avoid had happened.


	13. Never going down, Never giving up Part 1

_**Note: Little bit shorter than the others, but I think the writing had picked up a little bit...maybe...you be the judge! :P  
Also, what's wrong with Finn...? When I started writing the last few chapters I didn't think it would escalate to be like it was, but I think subconsciously I wrote about it kinda like something I've watched in TV. If you're from the UK and watch Casualty, well basically I wanted it to be the same thing this guy, Tom Kent, it going through. But I don't know what it is he's suffering from, is it just stress? If you do know enlighten me and I'd really appreciate it. So, anyway this guy gets really flustered and panicky when he thinks his out of his depth cos some bad stuff happened in the same situation...that sorta thing, and I think I've adapted that to my Finn. And I did a little research into types of panic disorder and I think I've found the one that fits, but I'm not sure, but please don't judge if its completely wrong!**_

The next few days were just plain awkward. Rachel really meant it when she said she wouldn't put up with it. She didn't talk to him that night or the day after, it was only in the evening when she wanted to borrow a t-shirt that she asked if it was alright. Even the simple things, the things which had become second nature and showed the ease of their relationship had become awkward, she never had to asked to borrow his things, what's his was hers; it had always been like that. But she was being stubborn and he really couldn't blame her, he hated himself right now. How she hadn't packed a bag and left was a mystery to him. After a few good weeks, their argument and Dave getting involved had unnerved him again and Finn was feeling panicky again. Why couldn't he talk to Rachel? Was he pushing her away? Would he lose her? But if he told her about his episode the other day she'd stress and he'd read countless articles about pregnancy to know that wasn't good for mother or baby. It was something for him to worry about, not her, it was unwanted stress. He knew a lot about what Rachel wanted and needed, he knew what smells made her sick, he knew what position was best for her to sleep in, he knew it all. He knew that she'll be switching moisturiser due to oily skin, see! He knew it all. He also knew he still wasn't comfortable with her continuing to exercise, he knew it was safe and everything, but what if she tripped? What if her heart rate rose too much? What if something happened? And he wasn't there...It was the same thoughts over and over again, and he was sick of it. Sick of panicking, sick of worrying, sick of feeling like this. It was time for him to look at his situation and agree with Rachel, with Dave, with Santana, he wasn't alright. Far from it. He was ill, and needed help.

He just annoyed her. That was it. Plain and simple. It may be the hormones; it may be his attitude and secretiveness, whatever it was she just didn't feel like she should make the effort anymore, he clearly wasn't. It didn't matter how many times she tried to help, open him up, let him talk to her, he just seem to throw it back in her face with more secrets. And she was fed up. Every day she waited and expected him to talk to her, give her a hint. But nothing and she was getting to the point where she thought he was cheating. He was jumpy, be was distant, he was paranoid and she wasn't getting any more attractive, in her opinion. But he was always keen to jump to her every need, whether it be late night runs to the store, a hug when she was sad, a compliment, anything, he'd do it, he'd often buy double everything or squeeze extra tight or add a cheeky wink to the compliment to be sure, was he guilty? It was all confusing and she really didn't have the time and energy for it anymore. He was starting to bore her with his childish games, and Rachel wasn't going to stoop to his level and give him the attention he seemed to want. He wanted to hide stuff and try and pretend like he cared, fine!

She'd wake up most mornings and see him sitting on the edge of the bed, topless, face in hands. It might just be her deluded just woken state, but she wanted to touch him, hold him, make him talk, but now she knew it was no use. And it left an ache in her heart. She'd tell herself to not care, he didn't seem to care how much it hurt her, but most nights, mornings, she'd find herself wanting to take his pain away. If he was cheating what would she do? She loved him. Deep down he was still her Finn, that boy on the football field, on the stage, hiding in her wardrobe from her dads, that innocent, sweet, chivalrous boy, whom she loved and always had and always would. She hated herself for think that he would do such a thing, but he'd left her with no other opinions.

He'd turn around to look at her before he finally got off the bed, and she'd pretend to be asleep, to prevent any conversation. She'd peep through her lashes and see his sad eyes raking her body. He probably though she was disgusting, especially compared to his mistress he probably had. Now she was just some big nosed, short, tubby, desperate annoying woman. And that hurt her, not that he thought those things, but that he saw her like everybody else did, she was no longer his big gold star.

Today he looked at her for longer than usual, his hand even venturing to her side of her bump, and the mattress dipped when his hand plopped beside her. Finn wanted to touch her, give her his reassuring hand, but knew it wouldn't be appreciated. This was no way to live. In fear of his wife rejecting his touch. Then his eyes landed on her bump, the bump he hadn't kissed good night in ages. His little boy. His something perfect and special, just like his Rachel. His Rachel he'd put through hell because he was too scared to get help. But not for long. He didn't want to hurt her anymore, he wanted to fix everything, like he said he would all that time ago. He had fixed something's, he'd fixed Rachel. And to an extent that's all he ever wanted, for her to be happy again. To see that killer watt smile, hear that infectious laugh. She deserved it after what she'd been through. The nights of pain, torcher and agony had broken his little star so he did everything in his power to get her to shine again. But in the process he'd let his star fade, forgotten there was still a pieces of him missing with their lost child. Finn thought he'd passed that stage of grieving, but it turns out it was more than just grief which he had, it was much more and it had gone unnoticed for too long, causing this horrible episode.

After they lost their first child he never thought he'd be in this situation again so soon, a pregnant Rachel. He didn't think she could do it, not when he'd seen her so broken. Yet here they were, 21 weeks and she was as happy as a clam, but he was freaking out. Not at the thought of a child, or parenthood, but he'd wake up in the middle of the night sweating with fear; what if they lost it again. There was still 19 more weeks, it could happen. When Rachel fainted he was sure it had happened. Every time she moves he's scared that'll knock the baby, everything she eats, he's sure will upset her stomach. Every unusual action sets him on edge, which is why he's read countless books and searched numerous website just to be 100% sure everything was normal. It was driving him insane. He spent half his time thinking about their unborn child and the other half thinking of Rachel. And sometimes he'd think of the child that never was, and suddenly the room starts spinning, and he can't remember what he's doing and his palms and forehead will sweat and he feels he's run a marathon with his heart pointing at his ribcage like a drum in a fast tempo song. He closed his eyed and took a minute before heaving himself off the bed to go shower. Not today. Today it all ends.

Having finished the play for the next few weeks, Rachel was left on her own for the day while Finn was at school. She didn't really have anything to do, or anyone to be with, they were all at work too. So she'd clean the dishes if they were still there from the night before, she'd even taken to having a long bath in the afternoon. Kurt would call at lunchtime to check in on her, she was sure Finn had told him to do that, and they'd have a small chat but that really was all the human contact she got before Finn came home. Rachel didn't even go outside, there was nothing todo out there, Finn had done all those chores. So if anything differed from a mundane routine she'd get excited. Like that day, and Finn not being home yet and he was nearly 2 hours late, not that she cared, he was probably having sex with his mistress she'd tell herself, but that was fine, she was going to find herself some sex god to go and have sex with, she even thought she'd call Brody and see if he was still in the business to try and make Finn jealous, who a pregnant woman have to pay more? But today things got doubly exciting when the phone rang as well and Rachel answered it assuming it was Finn.

"Okay, so you aren't back yet so my guess is your with your new woman, no bother Finn, don't worry I'm just going to call up Brody and see what his charge rates were for pregnant wives, although it seems your woman doesn't seem to care about that or you. So you know what just forget it all, I've actually had enough of caring and bothering with you, it's just exhausting, I'm going to move in with Kurt until you get your shit together," the rudeness of her language showed the annoyance and she hoped he saw that. And everything she said was true he had finally pushed her over the limit, "come home whenever, it's not like I'll be here to care."

She finished panting slightly as she got caught up with the drama of the situation, but it made her point come across clear. Before hanging up she waited to see if he had anything to say for himself, but she was determined not to back down, no matter what he said, she told herself, she was sticking to her guns. There was silence on the other end, and she was convinced passed out at her amazing speech, but after a few more silent second she heard a breath, but not heavy or anything like Finn's and she froze. Maybe she'd just yelled at Kurt or Blaine or worse what if Burt had called and she'd revealed all that to his stepdad or stepbrother, it was definitely a man on the other end.

"I'm sorry, I'm not Finn. I was actually looking for a Finn Hudson," the unfamiliar voice said, it sounder wise and aged, she could imagine the speaker sitting in a big armchair in an old library somewhere, with a whiskey by his side in a tweed suit, "but it appears he isn't there at the moment. Is it safe for me to leave a message?"

Rachel was in complete shock, as well as feeling embarrassed at her outburst at this man, "I...yes...I'm sorry," she really didn't have a clue what to say, she'd just admitted a lot to a complete stranger who must know Finn in some way, "I so very sorry, but who are you?"

"I'm Dr Jones, sorry, I probably should have mentioned that at the very start. Anyway if you could, could you please tell Finn he left his phone here. It's probably of some importance. Anyway thank you and umm...have a nice evening." His hesitancy only made her more embarrassed.

"No, wait I still don't understand, who-?" But the line was already dead. And now Rachel's head was swimming with questions.


	14. Never going down, Never giving up Part 2

Rachel decided to wait. Well, she couldn't possibly sleep, not with a million things running through her mind. As soon as she put the phone down she sunk into the armchair opposite the door, her legs staring to turn to jelly. She didn't do anything else, but sit in that chair for what felt like hours; when it was dark she managed to pull the throw on the back of the chair round her as the February chill made her shiver. The apartment was already dark, but now it was pitch black, but she couldn't reach the lamp to turn on four metres away, she didn't trust herself to move yet.

She lost track of time, lost track of most things as the aspect of Finn consumed her, threatening to overcome her every thought. Her husband had become an almost stranger to her, and right now she didn't know where he was or what he was doing. She didn't know whether to be angry or worried, so she was settling with confused. She was busy contemplating her next actions when the jangle of keys could be heard in the deathly silent apartment, and the door opened.

The apartment was in complete darkness as he opened the door, so by instinct he reached for the main switch besides the door because he knew Rachel slept with the bedroom door closed so there was no fear of waking her. He'd simply strip down to his boxers and sleep on the couch tonight, not wanting to wake her. What he hadn't anticipated was seeing her with her legs curl up behind her on the armchair with the green throw wrapped round her. She was wearing no makeup, which made the tried circles round her blood shot eyes clear and it was almost like she had a permanent frown on her face, "Rach?" He closed the door quickly and almost rushed to her side to whisk her off her seat and carry her to the bedroom where she should be sleeping, but stopped short remembering he probable wasn't allowed to do that anymore, "Rachel, are you alright?" He was at a loss as to why she was up so late and not sleeping, normally she'd be dozing off by 8pm and completely zoned out by 9pm. But her she was, eyes wide at nearly 11:30pm sitting in the lounge showing no signs of moving from her position anytime soon.

He was almost like a ghost to her, was he really there or had she fallen asleep and was dreaming all this was happening? But no, he was really there, and still hadn't explained himself, "it's 11:30," she said wearily looking up at him blinking a few times.

All Finn could do was smile at how adorable she was in her current sleep-like state, "it is, baby, why don't you go it bed?"

Rachel's frown hardened and she found some strength from somewhere causing her to lose her temper with him, "don't call me baby. You do not get to call me that when you don't talk to me and are out until some ungodly hour at night with no way of communicating to me when you'd be back!"

Finn went suddenly quiet and shuffled his feet with guilt, "I lost my phone," she'd made him feel like a 5-year-old boy being told off by his mommy for getting his clothes dirty while out playing soccer.

"I know you lost your phone, Dr Jones told me," she didn't waste any time in bring the fact she knew about Dr Jones to his attention and she took great satisfaction on seeing his ears prick and his head suddenly jerk up to look at her, and look of complete horror on his face.

"You know about him?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Finn, I do," she paused for a moment giving him a change to answer, but instead he remained quiet looking back at his feet. So she got up finally and took a single step closer to him, one hand on her back as it ached from being in the same position for so long, the other on her bump running circles on it, "so?! Who is he? Some guy who's going to finally get you to talk to me?"

He looked up at her ever so quickly before dropping his gaze back to his feet, "well, not yet, he said we'd work on that next week. Today was just a general session in analysing the basics, and getting an overview of what was going on." Finn looked at her then properly and wasn't surprised but the dumbfounded look on her face and he signed sitting down on the couch. "You were right. I'm not fine, Rachel. Apparently far from it." He put his face in his hands almost afraid to admit it, while Rachel still looked on at him utterly confused. She don't know what to say or even if she should say anything, clearly he was scared to talk about whatever was going on, but she was fed up with the secrets ad wanted to be brought into the loop.

She gave him a minute, and just stood over him, running her fingers though her hair as she waited for him to speak. She moved her hands to her hips, and looked down at him with slight pity. He was obviously troubled, but that couldn't excuse his secretive behaviour. She found herself torn, to comfort or confront him. She chewed on her bottom lip ready to speak when his head finally rose and she felt the tears prick in her eyes as she looked at him. He was crying, that's why he hadn't spoken, because he was silently crying, yet she still didn't have the strength to rush to his side and offer her support, he'd still ignored her.

"I...umm" he began swallowing the lump in his throat, shiftily averting his eyes away from her, because one look and he knew he'd cry again, "I had a panic attack the other day. That's why that Dave guy spoke to me." His voice was shaking, but at least he was finally speaking to her, but she still didn't have a response, "he was...concerned, like you, I guess, about me. But I didn't want to tell you cos it would just be more stress, so...I didn't tell anyone."

She wanted to speak at this point, tell him she was his wife and she needed to know everything going with him, but he spoke again, "and I don't want to see you like this."

Her jaw dropped at how ironic his statement was, here she was going out of her mind at the way he'd been acting and he was worried about her, "Finn, look-"

"Situational Panic Disorder."

She stopped completely, her breath caught and she swore her heart skipped a beat, "what, what do you-"

"I probably have it, Rachel," he spoke in monotone, but at least he looked at her as he said it, "I have a panic disorder." As he said it she thought it was more for himself, to try and come to terms with it, "I'm...I..." His face returned to his hands and she saw his shoulders begin to shake.

She didn't know what to do. He was her husband, suffering and had been for weeks without her knowing, was that her fault? Should she have known? She prides herself on knowing him inside out, yet she never saw this coming. And on some level she wished maybe he was cheating, at least he wouldn't be hurting like this, at least he'd be happy. It was when she heard his huge sigh that she was brought back to the room and noticed her own lip trembling. No matter what had happened, he was her Finn. Rachel fell to the spot next to him, and for the third time, pulled a crying Finn into her arms. She held him close to her chest and wiped the hair off his forehead. She cradled him for a minute, rocking the both of them forwards and back until he began to calm, "baby, it's fine, everything will be okay!"

"It's not that I'm worried about, I know it can be managed and he's going to give me pills or something. But what I hate is...feeling like everything isn't, like you aren't going to be, or the baby, cos we can't do that again, I can't do it again!"

She bit down hard on her bottom lip to stop herself from crying, "You just can't think that way, that's all. I'm fine, you know me, and of course I'm fine. And this little guy in his, he's as strong and brave as his daddy, so we know he's fine," she looked down at his face, stilling her hand movement so she could just look at him. He'd closed his eyes and was sniffing into her top; she could feel the tears leaking through. Rachel couldn't help but smile, "how many times to I have to do this for you to know I'm here?" She said it almost sarcastically, "'cause, baby...I'm not going anywhere, no matter what you through at me, I'm staying," she paused and thought about what she'd yelled at the doctor over the phone earlier that night, "only when you say you don't want me, that's when I go. Until then, I'm you shoulder to cry on, your person to listen to you rant, your friend to encourage you and your wife to love you in sickness and in health. But you're got to talk to me too, promise?"

"I promise," he whispered.

"Good." She went back to brushing his hair; she suddenly had a déjà vu of a couple months back, "about 7 months ago, we were almost in this exact position, but the other way round. You hold me as I cried; you know why you did that?"

"Rach, thinking about that isn't helping," he said it in a joking manner so she continued.

"I know, I'm sorry, but, you looked after me those months back because I wasn't strong enough to look after myself. And now," she bent down and pressed a kiss to his temple, "that's what I'm going to do for you. I want to go to your appointments; I want to hold your hand and listen to you talk. I'm going to understand so I can help, and you'll be back to your normal self in no time."

"Rach, I might not ever be fixed. This doesn't just go away, when you get pregnant again I'm gonna be like this again. Hell, when the baby's here I'll be scared."

"So will I!"

"But, Rae, this is different, I'll be feeling all your feeling and more because I'm crazy."

"Finn, you're not crazy. You're perfect."

"I'm not. I hurt you."

"You tried to protect me, I can see that. Even if it was wrong. But you are perfect, always have been, always will be." She pulled his head off her chest and cupped his face in her hands, pulling him close so their lips barely touched, "okay?"

She could feel his smile of appreciation even if she couldn't see in, and so proceeded to close the hardly there gap between them, capturing his lips in hers.

She was able to sleep peacefully that night, with all her fears put aside she was finally able to switch off and relax. He would be fine, she'd make sure of it, and it would be hard, harder than they thought, but she knew he was strong enough to cope now he had her by his side every step of the way. They were both strong individuals, but together they were an unbeatable unit. And she now fully believed nothing could break them, whenever life chose to throw at them they would take in in their stride and bounce back. The next morning she woke up rested, and content. Partly due to the fact she'd had a good night's sleep, but also she was back where she belonged, wrapped up in Finn's arms. She tried to turn to face him, but nowadays it proved difficult as there was now a round barrier to overcome. Rachel used to be able to turn and face him, spending the next half hour staring at his face, sometimes counting his freckles until he woke, but now she was having difficulty. Somehow she'd managed to get on her back with is hands still wrapped round her, but not only was she out of breath, but had also left herself no room to finish off the 180 turn to face him. All the while she was unaware a dozy Finn had stirred and was watching her actions in amusement through one eye and he pretended to sleep by her side. Enjoying the view he tightened his grip round her to tease, hoping she wouldn't catch on. Her heard he huff and whisper, "you're hot to be kidding me," and couldn't resist smiling at her frustration.

She went on for another few minutes wriggling, and panting, and whimpering until he finally couldn't take it any longer. Finn flipped her round himself and pulled her as close and her bump would allow, "you're adorable, you know that?" He kept his eyes closed so he could see the look of disgust on her face.

"You were awake the whole time?!"

"Yep," he breathed out, trying to settle back into a daze.

"And you let me struggle, I could have hurt myself!"

"You couldn't, you her in a bed, safely in my arms, nothing can hurt you there."

He still hadn't opened his eyes and this time missed her small smile she tried to hide, "still. I could have twisted something."

He chuckled lightly, "you are such a drama queen. My little diva."

She finally relaxed and smiled at him, it was the little moments like these where she couldn't believe how broken he was, but she was sure soon enough something would disrupt their little haven they'd created and reality would catch up. So, she left forward and pecked his nose before retreating backand resigns her forehead on his chest settling back to sleep in his arms.


	15. Never going down, Never giving up Part 3

_**Note: Sorry, I did say updates would be slow, but they are coming. I'm working on updating every week from now on, I'm just really busy until the end of the school term with plays and singing exams and auditions for next year and yeah...But I'll try once a week!**_  
_**Xx**_

The city life rushed by her as she looked out the large window from the table she had occupied. Looking at the busy, bustling street it reminded her of how she used to be. She never really took the time to enjoy the city as a student. Sure, it was fast, new and exciting, but she never looked twice are the sky high buildings or the people she passed, never took it all in and appreciated the millions of stories which happen there every day. Now, she could and it fascinated her. Coming to New York was always a dream of hers, and she'd lived the part she'd always wanted, she'd seen and experienced the lights and would go back there one day. Now she could take long romantic walks in the park, shop for however long in whatever shop she felt like. She could stroll round museums and galleries without having to stress because she had all the time in the world. Rachel always thought she'd miss the stage when she couldn't have, but to be honest, she was enjoying the freedom she'd got from it.

The small cafe was full of people queuing for an afternoon slice of cake and coffee. Here's was already in front of her, and she'd been eyeing a piece of vanilla and raspberry swirl cake since she finished her honey and hazelnut muffin, but thought it best to wait until Finn got there, that way she didn't have to get up to get it. At 23 weeks she wasn't uncomfortable, she's stopped throwing up and wasn't too big to find simple tasks exhausting, but she was starting to get back pains and didn't was to do anything unnecessarily. She got out her phone and put it on the table in case he text her and she missed it, but for now she sat back and enjoyed being out the apartment. It was a rarity to actually leave the apartment let alone doing it unaccompanied, granted, Finn said he'd be there in about 5 minutes after her, but at least she was out doing something. It had taken some persuading, but he'd finally agreed to let her come along to his meeting with Dr Jones. Rachel simply stated that he'd just have to repeat everything back to her anyway, she also said that he got to go to her doctor's appointment so why couldn't she go to his, Finn them stated that technically they were sharing appointment because it was his baby too to which Rachel replied 'it's not your pee he's analysing'. He gave up at that point seeing there was no way of stopping her being there.

He's always been easy to spot. When people are said to have the attention of the whole room when the walk in, Finn was one of them, because of the height, but it meant Rachel spotted him immediately thought the crowd. She jumped up onto her feet and waved frantically at him to grab his attention, he gave her an embarrassed nod as nearly half the cafe noticed her too and joined her, taking the seat opposite. Before sitting down he lent across the table to kiss her cheek and she smiled sweetly in return.

"You already had something?" He looked at the empty plate, apart from a few crumbs and half-drunk cup of tea; she'd stopped drinking coffee at the beginning of pregnancy.

"Umm...no...it was felt from the table before," she lied trying to push the plate away, "but the tea is mine, I thought I'd let you get your own so it would be hot for you." She waited a moment as he raised an eyebrow knowingly as she lied, "but if you're up, you could actually get me something to eat...like up...the raspberry cake thingy?"

Finn chucked softly knowing exactly what she was doing, but played along anyway. He rose to his feet and kiss the top of her head, whispering, "anything you like, baby."

She smiled as he walked away to the back of the line and took a slip of her tea and he turned to look back at her. The golden winter afternoon sun was beaming through the window, hitting Rachel perfectly so her frame was a silhouette. Her chair was far enough from the table so her bump was visible and her hand was resting on it anyway only high lightning it. As she slipped her tea she looked away from Finn, giving him time to pull out his phone and take a picture as he waited in line. She was gorgeous. And somehow so calm which amazed him, her beauty and grace made his sometime question himself. But those thoughts were shaken off whenever Rachel went on about how much of an amazing dad he'd be. If she said it, this goddess of pregnancy as he would let her be known, then he believed it, he believed her.

Returning to the table a few minutes later with two plates, he saw Rachel's face light up when she saw her piece of cake finally get to her. She clapped her hands as he placed it in front of her and she licked her lips, "thank you, baby!"

He smiled in response and put his slice of chocolate down before taking his seat again. Rachel was about to take her first bite when she eyed up his snake, "is that chocolate?"

"Chocolate fudge, I think. It just looked good, plus I forget how bad school food can be sometimes," she picked up his fork and looked right at her beady eyes scanning over his choice of cake, "yours alright, baby?"

"Hum? Oh, yeah, looks good enough." She pursed her lips still looking at his cake, "was that cake out the whole time? I can't remember seeing it when I walked in."

His lips curved into a half smile as he read what she was doing, "yep, the whole time." Wondering how far e could push her, Finn took a small bite of his cake, savouring the taste, pulling the fork slowly out his mouth, making sure to clean the fork and for extra effect his licked both top and bottom lip, all the while Rachel watched with her mouth open at him, "it's super good, Rae."

"Finn?" She sung, her fork creeping across to his plate.

"Yes, baby?"

"Do you want to switch?" Her fork making it to the cake, but was batted away from his.

"Nope. I'm happy with my choice."

"But I'm pregnant!"

"Rachel, that may get you a lot of things, like foot massages, most of the bed, my t-shirts and you're own personal donkey to carry everything in the form of me, but I want my chocolate cake. It's been a long day and I kinda need it."

"But I'm pregnant," she repeated, batting her lashes at him. When he sighed she knew he'd give in if she persevered.

"I know that and I got you the raspberry cake, so eat up."

"But chocolate look so yummy, can I just try it?"

"No! Last time I let you 'try' my pizza you ate it while I was in the bathroom! I though you not being a vegan would be a good thing, it means you could eat human-I mean normal- I mean food I like, but you literally eat all my food."

"Because I'm pregnant."

"Rachel..."

"With your boy."

"Really?!" He said sarcastically, "I had no clue? You sure you're pregnant with my boy?"

"No, it's Puck's," she said dryly, but quickly regretted it when she saw his face fall. He knew it was a joke, but it didn't stop it hurting, "sorry."

"Whatever, you're not getting any cake now," he took a big forkful and eat it quickly getting a slight feeling of pleasure as she watched again, her own cake discarded to the side.

Rachel pouted and he finished the second bite, now nearly half the cake gone. Compared the his, her raspberry and vanilla choice didn't look nearly half as appetising, "just a little bit? A teeny tiny, icel bicel bit...?"

He raised an eyebrow as he looked into her deep chocolate brown eyes. He was fluttering her lashes and pouting, he hated sometimes how she really knew everything about him, especially how to break him, "fine, I little bit. That's all! In fact," he scooped some on his fork and raised it to her mouth for her, "that's all you're getting."

She smiled coyly before opening her mouth to allow him to put the cake in her mouth. Her lips clasped round the fork and she held it inside for longer than necessary making Finn roll his eyes, but smiling all the same. "You done with my fork, baby? I kinda wanna finish my cake."

Still with the fork in her mouth she shook her head, keeping her eyes locked with his, as he was unaware of her hands creeping across the table to grasp his plate, pulling it towards her. Once she was happy the plate was in front of her she lent a little further across the table to whisper to him, pulling the fork out her mouth, "you want to finish the cake in front of you?"

"Yeah, baby, I do," she whispered back, still unaware of her hand moving over the table, not placing her raspberry cake below him.

"Okay, eat the cake in front of you, and I'll eat the one in front of me."

"Okay," he was starting to get confused, convinced she'd have put up more of a fight. But he was paying more attention to the smear of chocolate on her top lip she hadn't noticed.

"In fact," she put some of now, what was his cake on the fork and fed it to him, eyes locked so he still didn't notice the switch until the cake was in his mouth.

"Rachel!" He yelled, mouth half full of cake, "you sneaking little annoying devious...I don't even have works for you!"

Her head flew back in a fit of giggles and a few people stared at them. Finn looked round apologetically as Rachel regained composure, "I'm pregnant." She said simply before taking a bite of her cake, "so good!"

Finn could only shake his head and his coffee finally arrived, "sorry, could we have another piece of chocolate fudge cake?" He asked the young waitress with a wink.

"Sure thing, I'll get that for you personally." She smiled at him and completely ignored Rachel's shocked expression as she watched the exchange.

"Thanks." He gave her his signature half smile as she left them again and he ate the raspberry cake in silence as Rachel glared at him.

"Everything alright, baby?" Hit was hard to hide the smile as she gave him her adorable angry face.

"You can be such an ass, Finn."

"What?"

She gave in an over the top wink, apparently mimicking him, and then scoffed, "you flirt with the barely of age waitress and all I get is your half eaten cake. Although I'd rather the cake, did you see her ass?!"

Finn calmly, knowing it would infuriate her further if he gave no reaction, took a final forkful of cake and replied, "if I had my way, you wouldn't have got the cake, but still...you are pregnant."

She glared as the waitress dropped off the slice of cake, "is that all?"

"Yes," Rachel retorted shortly. The waitress, taken aback, blinked at her a few times and walked away. "Can you eat your cake quickly so we can get out of here? We're going to be late."

Finn pulled out his wallet and slid the cake across to her, "it's for you. You only got half, so." He got up and lend down to kiss her in her shocked state, sucking lightly on her top lip, removing the chocolate, "I bet it tastes awesome, but I have to go pay and tip that waitress, you were kinda rude." He began to walk away but looked back at her and spoke before she could defend herself for being rude, "but I guess you are pregnant."

They walked hand in hand to Dr Jones's office. Rachel could sense Finn's nerves growing with every step they took closer. He'd told her briefly what had happened in his first appointment. He'd told Dr Jones's about his panic attack at school and how he was scared to let Rachel and anyone else know how scared he was about the baby. He'd said that he felt embarrassed to even think that way, to think it could all happen again, but every time she stumbled or had to reach for something he imagined her falling, he know that's not how they lost their baby last time, but that's all he could see when he thought about it, a crumbled Rachel on the floor crying in pain, with him not there to do anything about it. He'd even told Rachel he thought he might be going mad at one point, constantly worrying about her and the baby, what they were doing at that point and could he rush home to check on her.

In today's session she sat next to him on the couch, opposite Dr Jones. He didn't seem to mind her being there, he simply smiled and she blushed sheepishly remembering the first and only time she'd spoken to him. Her hand was gripped tightly in Finn's and the session began. Today he talked about the night she fainted on stage and the feelings after that. Apparently that's what really unsettled him. He hesitantly spoke about how he thought he'd lost them both when she was lying in the hospital bed, deep down he knew that probably wasn't probable, but possible. He talked about the feeling of complete loneliness without her and helplessness to have stopped the inevitable. He went on to tell the room of the utter loss of control he feels over her and the pregnancy, how he's scared he'll not be there when she needs or somehow it'll be his fault. It was a heavy session for the both of them. Rachel spent it staring at Finn the whole time as he spoke and he not looking at her once.

It may not have been pleasant for her to hear, his pain and struggle with his self-more than anything else, but it was what she wanted and had asked for a long time. He was finally being honest, and he could pretend all he wanted that she wasn't there, but she was and now she was able to see the extent of his troubles, and more than ever wanted to help him through it.

Just when she thought the session was over Dr Jones directed a question at her, which took her completely by surprise, but she was grateful this was the only thing he asked her and nothing more about their telephone conversation the other week, "Rachel, how have you felt though all of this?"

"I...umm..."Finn finally turned to look at her, eager for her response, "well, scared. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't understand why he was acting so...overly protective. But I guess I just went along with it as I just thought that's what guys do! But then it got worse and it almost became obsessive, and then he became secretive, and, well, my mind makes up stories of its own. But last week when he told me, I think I wasn't as relieved as I thought I'd have been." Finn's eyes widened in confusion.

"How so?" Dr Jones prompted.

"Well," she brought Finn's hands onto her lap and faced him slightly, "I-I-I thought you," her bottom lip trembled and she had to blink away a few tears, "I thought you were cheating on me, that you found me repulsive and didn't...love me."

Finn's heart broke here and then. Just the idea of leaving Rachel made him want to throw up. Life without Rachel is like without air, impossible. But before he could reassure her he'd never do that, she spoke again, "and I think, that I'd maybe have preferred that." He frowned, now completely lost, "because at least then, you'd have been happy and not so scared and broken up about everything."

"Rach," he whispered, pulling her tear stained face close to his, "I'd never be happy with you suffering, I'd never be happy without you. I love you; I love you so much it sometimes scares me how I wouldn't be able to function without you. You are my everything, and I don't want to do anything to hurt or nearly lose you ever again."

That night the both of them had stayed rather quite. Finn had picked up a prescription once the session was over which was effective immediately, the pills having the side effect of drowsiness, so they decided to have an early night. She sat reading while he lay by her side, his arm draped lazily over the stomach, he had been talking to it, but every now and again he's yawn and go quite at which Rachel thought he's fallen asleep only to be slightly startled every time he started talking again.

"And we're going to have a nursery, I'm gonna paint it blue, probably, and it'll have footballs and trucks and everything my little guy needs. And if mommy's lucky I'll built a little stage for when you're older and you and her can put on little shows for me, and if you're really lucky I'll teach you how to dance."

She laughed and put her book down to look at him. Finn's eyes were closed and his arm limp, she was certain he was asleep, which meant she could lift his arm up so she could pull down her top and snuggled down next to him.


	16. We Will Always Be Part 1

_**Note: Hello! Keeping to my weekly updates! I know its only the second week, but still! :P Umm...by next week is very hectic, I might not beable to update until Sunday, and there is the tiniest chance I won't finish the chapter til then, but I've already started it! So just hang in there! **_

****There was one thing he loved to see when he came home from school or this case a therapy session, and that was Rachel basically passed out on the couch, with a bowl of crisps (she'd be craving salt and vinegar at the moment) next to her. He had waited for her to turn up, but decided she was 15 minutes late she wasn't coming, but he had panicked when she didn't answer her phone, he got Santana to go to the apartment on her way to work to check on her. He was grateful she hadn't woken her and silently praised himself for giving her a key; he thought he'd regret that decision, but apparently not.

He pressed the door closed, careful not to make a sound and put his keys on the table next to the door before tip toeing in front of her. There was an enormous smile on his face as he looked down at her. It was obvious she was going to go to the session, but must have tired herself out changing and she was sprawled on the couch with her new jeans, unbuttoned and her white blouse undone. Finn couldn't help licking his lips and he stared at the lacy baby pink bra and her now huge breasts bulging slightly out of it. But those rather inappropriate thoughts went as his eyes drifted lower and landed on her big baby belly. He was proud whenever they went out together and people commented on her size and would say, "he's definitely Finn's son." Of course he was, and he was going to grow up to be just like his dad, well, he hoped not completely. Finn secretly hoped he'd have Rachel's confidence in herself, her brains, her grace and courage not to stand out from the crowd. He wished he'd have her drive, her 'take no prisoners' attitude in life, and he'd follow his dreams like she did. But high school would suck if he'd got her height.

She switched in her sleep, her nose crinkling as she sniffed but didn't wake. She was 27 weeks now, and things couldn't be going so smoothing, Finn tried to silence the voice saying everything was about to go wrong, karma.

Her bump was certainly something he was proud of, they had done that, made an actual human being, and he was a human being now and everything, he was moving! Finn remembered the first time he felt his son move. They were in the apartment, she was baking, a chocolate fudge cake, and he was sitting watching something on TV, he couldn't remember what, it wasn't important. But he heard her let out a stifled cry and immediate turns to look at her. She was reaching up for more icing sugar, but also had a finger in her mouth tasting the frosting. Her outstretched arm flew to her stomach and she let out a soft "oh" sound. On hearing her, Finn rushed to her side and got her to sit down, inking something was wrong, "baby, you should have got me to do that. Crap, are you okay? Should I call the doctor? Do you need anything? Baby, are you okay?!"

He didn't understand why she was smiling, when he was panicking, in fact her smiling made him feel worse, maybe she was going into some state of shock. "Baby, I'm sorry, I should had help you, I'm sorry." His heart was racing when she took his and placed it on her belly.

"Finn, stop. I'm fine, just feel!" He looked into her eyes as she held his hand against her stomach for a minute until her felt it. A kick. Right against his palm. A baby kick.

Since then all he seems to do it move, although thankfully he was settling into the same pattern of Rachel. At the start he'd keep her up half the night, which then meant Finn, was up too getting Rachel food and massaging her feet and back.

He took a look at his watch, it was 6 o'clock, and he decided she'd fallen asleep at around 4, so another hour before diner wouldn't hurt. Finn took one last look at her before heading to the kitchen, stopping short when he heard Rachel making moaning noises. He looked back at the couch and she settled again. He waited. And sure enough she made the noise again, but she still seemed asleep, so he went to her side which was when she tossed her head, her face crumbled up and her hand patted her belly, slightly aggressively. He knew what was wrong. Then first time this happen he did have a small panic attack, which woke Rachel and she had to calm him down, but she did explain after. The baby was awake and kicking, but Rachel still wanted to sleep. So, Finn had developed a technique to get them both comfy. He scooped Rachel up, bridal style, she may be carrying another person, but she wasn't heavy enough quite yet, but it was a struggle. The moment she was off the couch her arms were like magnets around his neck and he carried her into e bedroom, laying her down with her head on her pillow. He then knelt down at her stomach and took her hands and massages her stomach gently, careful not to apply too much pressure.

"Hey, buddy. How are you doing today? You seem pretty happy, kicking away in there. But remember, quarterback. Not kicker, despite what Uncle Kurt says. Anyways, I want to have a big chat with you later, because I need to tell mommy something, so do you mind having another nap? So mommy can finish hers off, then I promise you some food, how does that sound? Like a good deal? Yeah? Okay, be a good boy while daddy makes some diner, and if you really desperately need me, tell mommy nicely, okay? Talk to you later, buddy." He kissed where her hand had patted before and then stood up to kiss her forehead and she slept.

Finn had never been the world greatest chef, in fact he didn't know how to work the oven without guidance until he went to college, but even then his signature dish was bacon and eggs. However, on moving to New York and living with Rachel he'd developed and pick up new skills which allowed him to do more than just get by. And considering Rachel had broadened her palate since a few weeks into the pregnancy, he was able to cook easily for the two of them. Tonight, on the menu, was pasta and garlic bread, he'd also picked up some proper Italian ice cream for afters. He'd done the bread and was adding finishing touches to the sauce when he heard the light plodding footsteps come behind him. He turned and saw a dazed Rachel in the doorway. She was still dressed the way he'd left her, except now her hair was in disarray. She was squinting as he eyes adjusted to the light and lent against the door frame, "when did you get back?"

He dropped the spoon he was holding and turn everything off the boil, making his way over to her, "an hour or so ago. I let you sleep, you looked tired."

"I meant to go to your session," she stated lazily.

"You were, baby, but it's fine. Don't worry," she chucked at how adorable she was and began doing up the buttons or her top, kissing her bump as he went up.

"I just fell asleep. On the couch," she pointed over to where she had fallen asleep and stopped, thinking, "then...how did I get there?" She pointed to e bed she'd just got off of.

"I carried you there, because W-I mean baby was annoying you, not worry I had words." She didn't notice his near slip of the tongue, instead she sniffed the air.

"Tomato?"

"Yeah, I made diner, you hungry?"

"Finn, I'm-"

"Pregnant. Good thing you're just in time then."

She smiled as he finished buttoning everything up and led her to the table to sit and eat.

Rachel hummed contently on the couch as Finn finished putting the dishes by the sink, "that was really nice, Finn." Her hand lazily rubbing her baby belly.

"There's no need to sound so surprised!" He teased placing the last glass on the counter with a clink, "and actually, I really only want to hear the little guys opinion. Everyone knows at this point you'll each anything. You even ate kipper, which I really don't see how you did, considering I wanted to hurl just smelling them." He'd plopped down on the couch next to her, giving both her stomach and forehead a sweet kiss.

"I was really hungry. And they weren't that bad, although it's the last time we let Kurt do the groceries, I don't care if kippers are brain food, I don't think I could put up with your gagging noises." Finn pouted sarcastically and Rachel lightly batted his head away as he draw closer for an an apology kiss, "baby liked it by the way. He'd been kicking a lot before hand, but as soon as he got some bread he was happy."

"That's good then." He shifted nervously so he was sitting opposite her and could face her, "don't you think it's time we stop calling him baby?"

Rachel frowned, "we could, although he's not a - anymore. Ummm...how about just boy? That's more masculine if that's what you were worried about. We could try...Hudson?"

"Okay, you're really not getting this." She shook her head, feeling a little hurt he didn't like any of her suggestions, "I blame pregnancy brain."

She got a little too defensive once he said that and raised a hand to point a finger, threateningly at him, "hey! I haven't got that yet. I doubt I will."

"Of course, of course. Because you always forget to take off your slippers before going outside."

"That's an honest mistake. You've done it!"

"Yeah, when in hung-over. How about the time when you put the milk in the freezer and not the refrigerator?"

"I was tired."

"And I suppose you were tired when you brushed your teeth with the cream for bites and not toothpaste?"

"They are both on a tube and were next to each other in the cabinet. Can we move on from this please?! Or should we talk about all the stuff you've done, like leaving the ice cream out all night? Or leaving the toilet seat up? Or never hanging up your towel after a shower?!"

"Those are all guy things. And anyway-"

"It meant we had no ice cream left, Finn! No ice cream for those who wanted the ice cream, for those who needed the ice cream!" She yelled at him from across the couch, kicking his shin for effect.

"Alright! Alright!" He held his hands up in defence, "but that was when we just moved in! Now I always hang my towel and yours when it falls on the floor, and I put the toilet seat down and no ice cream is felt out," she folded her arms across her chest, but seemed to forgive him, "or put in the refrigerator..." He muttered hoping she wouldn't hear. Unfortunately for him, she did.

With one last stern look, Rachel hoisted herself off the couch and stomped to the bed room cursing him under her breath, ignoring his pleas for her to stay. "I was joking! Rach, it was a joke! You don't have pregnancy brain, babe?!" There was a loud slam as his face met the bedroom door and all he could hear was her inside, stomping round. "Rachel?" He knocked softly, "Rach?"

Still nothing.

"Come one, baby, please. I really wanted to talk to you about the baby." He waited for a response, but still nothing.

"Rachel? It's late, come on, just open up. We can cuddle? I'll give you a really good foot massage?" There was still silence behind the door and he wondered if she was alright. There was a chance he upset her so much she fallen, or tripped, or something. Finn took a deep breath trying to tell himself she was just sitting on the bed, "Rachel, can you just tell me if you're alright?" She stayed silent and he could feel his palms begin to sweat as he waited, "please, Rachel, anything!" There was suddenly a loud band and the door vibrated, he figured she'd thrown a shoe at the door, which was his cue to leave, "fine, I'll sleep out here until you calm down. With one last longing look at the door he plopped down in the couch, waiting for her to give in. Rachel couldn't sleep without her cuddles or him wrapped round her. She didn't have a pregnancy pillow, Finn had refused to get one stating she could use him instead, he was just as good if not better, there was no way he was letting himself get replaced by a pillow.

Feeling frustrated at himself, Finn ran his hands over his face, only to have his phone bleep. He didn't move straight away, he simply averted his eyes to his phone set on the coffee table in front of him. Only when he says it was from Rachel, did his scramble forward to retrieve it, unlocking his quickly and reading.

**You are a real jerk, you know that?**

He frowned. Okay, so she was still annoyed, and that was expected. He didn't however expect her to take it so seriously since he'd just made her a lovely meal. He thought maybe she'd forgive him because he was so adorable and fed her. He pondered for a moment thinking how to reply.

**So you're going to talk to me now?**

He stared at his phone willing her to reply. Lucky for him it came quickly, obviously she was lying in bed, probably doing her moisturising routine. Damn. He loved watching her do that, even helping her as his gave him a change to feel their boy kick.

**No, you're staying right there until I forgive you, which I can assure you will be a long time, because you're a jerk, jerk.**

He couldn't help but chuckle at her; she was always adorable when angry.

**I'm sorry?**

It was a feeble reply and he knew that, somehow he was relying on his dorkiness to get her forgiveness.

**Not good enough. Not even close. Have fun on the couch. Hope you freeze! **

He pursed his lips, she would crumble first. Rachel couldn't sleep without her 'Finn pillow'

**Freeze? You mean it's like a freezer in here?! I should talk to the milk, see how they coped.**

He heard the second shoe hit the door before her reply came through.

**GET LOST FINN! Screw you! You can sleep on that couch for a week, forget about cuddles. You're such a jerk!**

He laughed whole heartedly, no matter how hard she tried, Rachel could never be threatening. It just wasn't her. He didn't reply to that, he let her have the last word, which she rightly deserved, he was a jerk, but he saw no way of getting into bed with her that night so thought he'd might as well have some fun. She also needed her sleep as it was hitting half nine now and he could only see this blowing into an argument if he replied. So he set about creating a make-shift bed by putting e scatter cushions at one end and taking the green throw off the armchair and laying it on the couch. He stepped back to admire his own handy work and let out a sigh of frustration. It had neck; back and everything else ache written all over it. The couch was tiny as it is so he'd mover both side lamps so he didn't kick them over in the night, but still there wasn't nearly enough room for him. He glanced over to the bedroom door; he could see the light still on through the crack. She was reading, probably to the baby, it was something they'd gotten into a habit of doing at night.

"Damn," he whispered. He regretted being a jerk as Rachel out it now. He looked at his phone, no messages. He checked the time, ten to ten. At ten the light would go off. He could fix all this on ten minutes, but he did know how he could.

"Enjoy this time period while it lasts, soon you'll hit the third trimester where the aches start to be more prominent...," she lowered the book and looked directly at her bump "are you listening? You're going to hurt me! Well, I suppose it'll be nothing compared to what you'll do in 13 weeks' time." Rachel closed the book and put it on her side table, "such a big boy, just like your daddy," she muttered, "well, I don't suppose you'll be a jerk like him, or will you?" She sighed looking over at the space normally occupied by Finn, "do you miss him?" She pinned circles on her stomach, receiving a light kick, "yeah? Well tough. He's being so insensitive at the moment." A nothing slightly harder kick, "yes, he made diner, but that's nothing. Yes, he carried me to bed and calmed you down earlier, but that's now standard procedure. Yes, he does giving me massages just when I need them and he does most of the cleaning now and carries out every crazy demand of mine, whatever the time of day or what he's doing, but he was still a jerk!" She got quite a hard kick in the side for the last comment, "ow! See! That was a jerky thing to do, just like him! Men! What am I going to do?!" Rachel settled down and pulled the comforter up to under her chin, "are you going to settle Dow so we can sleep?" There was a final jab as she turned off the light and the both of them settled down.

This can't be too hard, he repeatedly told himself. He'd seen Rachel do it a hundred times before, although she'd done it when she wasn't like a zombie at half ten at night. He'd laid out all the ingredients, and really just needed to add them in the right order at the right amount, easy. Well, that's what he'd thought at half ten, it was now nearing eleven and Finn was finally prepared to put his attempt of a chocolate in the oven, for how long? He didn't know, he was just grateful to be rid of it and move on to the frosting that was surely simple, butter, icing sugar and coco powder. The only thing he didn't anticipate was the cloud of powder to erupt when he opened the box of icing sugar, completely covering his face making him look like a ghost, maybe not as easy as he thought. All the while Rachel had slept though his cursing and banging, as the bedroom light hadn't switched on, nor had she come to see what was going on.

When the clock hit eleven thirty, Finn stepped back to admire his masterpiece. The cake was flatter that Rachel's, and a little bit burnt, but he was able to cover it up with copious amount of frosting, which was really chocolatey, he would know he'd eaten most of it, so he knew what it tasted like and that it didn't poison Rachel.

Taking the cake and a fork with him, he walked quietly over to the bedroom tapping with his knuckle, "Rach?" He whispered, hopelessly, obviously she was asleep, but he didn't want to scare her by just going in. However he entered without her consent. It was almost pitch black, he could just make out the outline of any object in front of him.

"Shit!"

There was a loud thump and a scream from the bed and suddenly the room lot up as Rachel scrambled to the end of the bed and looked down to see a crumpled Finn, face down covered the blankets he'd pulled off the bed in his attempt to stay on his feet.

"Finn?! What the heck are you doing?!" She hissed.

He could only groan and held up the cake which was half squashed by his hand, which was covered in frosting, but he still believed edible.

"What even is that?!" She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and took the plate from him to examine what he'd brought her, still neglecting to help Finn up, being more interesting in the 'gift' than his wellbeing.

"What did I trip on?" He moaned slowly getting to his feet.

"Shoe." Rachel had a finger covered in frosting and licked it, "serves you right. Finn, this is awful."

"Now, who's the jerk?" He limped next to her and carefully sat down, managing not to cover anything in frosting.

"I'm serious, your 'cake' is burnt, look," she thrust the plate in his face pointing out the part of cake which had lost its frosting, "and it's as flat as a pancake, what flour did you use?"

"The normal kind? I don't know, I just knew flour was in it, there is more than one type of flour?!" He began to lick his hand, she was so wrong, his cake was awesome, at least the frosting was.

"And the frosting is too chocolatey, too rich." The held the plate out for him to take once his hand was free and climbed but up the bed and under the covers.

"Fine, I was just trying to apologise, but fine." He stood up to leave, "but just for the record, I am sorry, I've said that, and I tried. That's all I can do. I know I shouldn't have wound you up, and once again I'm sorry." He failed to realise Rachel hand thrown back the covers on his side for him to jump in next to her.

"Whatever, just get in here so I can get comfortable."

"What?"

"I'm not going to say again, I need my pillow."

Finn looked at her frame, dumbfounded, but obliged tugging off his jumper and shimming out of his jeans before sliding in next to her. Immediately she hugged his waist, her bump pressed to his waist, and raised one leg to place over his thigh, snuggling close as he lay, eyes on the ceiling not knowing what to say.

"Light," she demanded

"Sure," without hesitation he reached across and had them laying in silence for a few minutes.

"I can teach you how to bake properly tomorrow, and then it might be edible, although I appreciated the gesture.

"Yeah?" He smirked and put one hand on her stomach, drawing circles on it.

"Yes, I did. It was very thoughtful, but now I really was some chocolate fudge cake."

"Breakfast?"

"Sounds perfect."


	17. We Will Always Be Part 2

_**Note: I'm sorry for the delay, I know I said Sunday and I intended to post then, but I was ill and literally couldn't move, then Monday and was still ill, and went to school feeling like crap only to puke in the car park before I left (probably too much information...) anyway, Tuesday is here and I'm much better after a day of recovery so much better I'm ready to post this chapter and one in my drabbles, which warning is sad...I hope. I've also nearlt finished the next chapter here and it maybe too soon, but I have an amazing idea for a new story I will probably start in the summer, its based loosely in a very popular novel! Anyway, enjoy and review! :)  
Xx **_

"I'm nearly thirty weeks pregnant, I don't see why you want to go on a mini holiday to Lima," Rachel was tapping her foot impatiently as Finn scurried a rounder packing bags. She was getting more irritable as they draw closer to the due date, and over the last few weeks she seemed to be grow fast. When Santana saw them last week she almost thought they were having twins and made some comment about their child coming out the size of Finn causing Rachel to panic.

"It's just a long weekend over spring break, your dads having seen you in ages and I haven't seen my mom since..." He stopped and trailed off. He hadn't seen his mom since he went crying back to her about a year ago. He also hadn't told her about the whole panic disorder, no one except Rachel knew. Santana may have an idea, but he still wasn't prepared to tell her out right. It's not like it was a huge problem at the moment, the pills he had helped a lot. From time to time Rachel would have to sit him down and rub his back, but nothing as bad as it had been that day at school. Therapy was going alright too, in fact Dr Jones even thought he could stop going after a few more sessions, apparently he was a pretty standard case, and is pretty manageable even more so with Rachel cooperation. She'd demonstrate every yoga routine, proving she nor the baby were in any harm, she'd also let him accompany her to the subway if she ever went out, so they were living with it.

"Since you went back that time," she finished off his sentence moving closer to rub his forearm, "Finn, you need to stop pretending that nothing is or has happened. You have a panic disorder, so what? You're still as brave and funny and dorky and perfect as you always have been," she pulled on his arm and made him face her. He didn't make eye contact with her, and having known him for so long she knew all the signs. The sad eyes, the twinkle in them gone and no trace of his signature smirk. Rachel cupped his face in her hands forcing him look at her, "hey, she's your mom, she has to know. I'm sure you scared her that time, she worries about you just like me, you have to trust us."

"Have you been talking to my mom?"

"Maybe, a little. Okay, she just wanted to know how I was and the baby and we ended up talking for hours, and mainly about you. And as a mother-to-be I see her concerns as reasonable and feel it's my duty as a daughter-in-law to make you talk. In fact I plan on spending tomorrow afternoon with my dads so the two of you can talk."

"You've had this planned for ages, haven't you?"

"How can I? You told me yesterday about the trip?" Finn raised an eyebrow knowingly, "you're mom and I spoke last night again when you picked up the take away. You can avoid her or this Finn, no matter how much you hide it's not going away. I know you've made so much progress, and you don't understand how proud of you I am, but this is your next step. The rest of your family. And if I'm being completely honest, I'm a little scared that this weekend you'll have an episode and I wouldn't be around, then who will look after you?"

"I don't need looking after-"

She lightly slapped his cheek, "went will you admit it? Yes, you're perfect, but even the perfect need help. Look at me; I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

"I'm not perfect."

"You are to me."

It was strange sleeping in his old bed, but weirder having Rachel in it besides him. It was something teenage Finn sometimes dreamed about, him and his high school wife in his bed, although that day never came. On some levels he was grateful they didn't marry that young, it gave then time to grow as individuals and really appreciate each other now they were back in each other's lives. He just wished they'd always been together, a life without Rachel was sad for the most part, he missed her and even had to watch her move on to others, but he never gave up hope in them. They were always meant to be, like peanut butter and jelly.

His mom had been over the moon to see the three of them, well, two of them; when Finn knocked on the door looking like a packed mule with his and Rachel's bags Carole had pushed his aside and headed straight for Rachel and her soon to be grandson. The evening was then spent with his mom cooing over Rachel's stomach and the two woman swapping pregnancy stories, which Finn had to walk out on because he got highly embarrassed when his mom tell them Finn was meant to be a girl.

He knew his mom knew something was up, and it made him wonder how much Rachel had told her. It probably didn't help he was slightly on edge about the whole thing, which further proved it would be best that it was out there. Tell everyone. Maybe even put it as his Facebook status...no, that was too far and as Rachel would put it 'not common courtesy' for those close to you'. However, despite being scare of the reaction, he knew he wanted people to know. But he didn't want their sympathy. That was the last thing he wanted, and Rachel knew that, and was doing her best not to give it, only to stand by him.

He looked over at his alarm clock which read 9:56. A few more minutes and she'd be up, the baby normally kicked at around ten, which was surprisingly nice of him; it meant Rachel could have a bit of a lie in, although he was demanding like her, so when it was close to a meal time he'd kick away until he got what he wanted. When they told his mom this she said, "just like Finn, always wanted food." To which he muttered to Rachel, "no, he just knows what he wants, like you." She smiled and looked up at him, their eyes met briefly before his mom went on about the foods Finn loved as a baby.

"Finn, it'll be fine," she said picking up her coat and heading to the door with Finn hot on her tail.

"I'm not worried about the part of the afternoon," he lied, "I scared about you leavening me," which was true, he didn't like leaving for work but at least it was a routine and he'd planned alternative roots home, here in Lima if there was heaving traffic he was stuck, there was no way he could reach Rachel in 20 minutes which was the shortest route from school to the apartment.

"I'm with my dads, I'll be fine," she patted her bump, "we both will." She looked particularly gorgeous today, her pregnancy glow was on full power and she was even wearing her more 'Rachel Berry style' clothes, in a flared skater dress which pulled in just under her breasts, she'd paired with this her classic penny loafers and brightly coloured shoulder bag. She was hitting the thirty week mark and was holding together well, the mood swings were manageable and despite the large frame she was still relatively comfortable on her feet, she was a goddess of pregnancy. Finn thought this was due to the fact she'd been basically trapped in their apartment for the most of it and hadn't experienced the outdoors properly yet, which made Finn fear for the worst.

"Please, please be careful, I know you will, but...please..."

"Finn," she stepped closer and went on tip toes to press a light kiss to his lips to put him at ease, "we'll be fine. We're just going to see Grandpapa and Granddaddy. While you talk to Grandma, okay? Promise you'll do that. Then you can go and fiddle with cars with Gramps."

He smiled at the names she'd come up with last night and was insistent everyone used, "okay. Okay I will."

"Okay, baby," she opened the door and gave him a final wave and flashed her killer watt smile, "I'll be back in about an hour or two." He raised his eyebrows at her, "fine. I'll be back in exactly two hours. If I'm not, call the police and alert the world I'm missing."

"It's not funny to joke about! You know I will!" He called out as the door closed and she was gone.

It took Finn an hour to pluck up the courage to talk to his mom. They were alone in the house, thankfully, and she was content in the kitchen as he called her name.

"I'm in here, Finny!"

He peered round the door frame and found her rolling out some dough, "what you baking?"

"Cookies for Rachel, when she gets back. They should be cooled for her." She wiped a stray hair off her face and continued to cut out shapes in the dough, not looking at the disappointment on Finn's face, "you can lick the bowl if you that's why you're here?"

"No, I...I actually wanted to talk to you, if you're not too busy." He went over to the counter and leant against it as he worked away.

"No, go on honey, talk to me. Do you and Rachel need money? Does Rachel need some motherly advice?"

"No, not it's not about Rachel. It's about me."

She began putting the already cut cookies on a tray, "oh? What do you need?"

"No, mom...it's just something you should know."

"Well spit it out, Finn, we haven't got all day."

"Yeah, sorry. You know that time, a while back? When I came home, and...and cried."

She stopped, but didn't look at him, she merely placed her hands flat on the course and leant against it, "yes," she nearly whispered.

"Well...I didn't think that was anything, I mean, like I thought it was just natural. But then Rach got pregnant again and I was so happy and scared, but not nervous scared, like full on scared about the whole pregnancy. And then she fainted that one time and I flipped nearly, I went out of my mind with worry and there were a few times when I was alone and I just lost it, and one of those times was at work and a student found me and," he stopped for breath and looked at his mom, who remained still against the counter, "I got some help-"

Suddenly, without worming Carole let out a loud cry and flung her arms round her son. Somehow she'd anticipated all this was coming, and was therefore able to prepare herself in some way, but not like this. "Mom, mom. It's alright. I'm seeing a doctor and he's helping me, I'm so much better now. And Rachel is so good about it, and I just need you to be to, I need everyone to be. I mean, I don't know what'll happen when the baby is here, but-"

"I love you Finn!"

He smiled and patted her back, "I know, mom. And I'm fine, really. I have Rachel and the baby, and now you. No panic disorder can stop me."

She continued to sniff into his shoulder, "is that was it is?"

"Yeah, situation panic disorder."

"I knew it! I knew so wing wasn't right! And Rachel kept calling recently, and I just knew it!"

"You said that," he teased and she pulled away from him, holding him at arm's length.

"But, you're alright?"

"Of course I am, I always am." He gave her a reassuring half smile; there was no point in divulging any further into his problem, it would only worry her. She knew the basics; she just didn't know how paranoid he could get, like right now. Rachel had been out of his site for nearly an hour and a half, with no contact. She hadn't texted or called to say she'd made it to her dads's house, he could only assume, which but his senses on high alert. "I'm going to play some COD, call me when the cookies are done, or if you hear anything from Rachel."

"Of course, sweetie, anything," her eyes followed him out the room before she picked up the rolling pin and began to roll out the dough again.

Once safely out of the room, Finn lent against the wall and let out a heavy sigh. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would go, he thought it would be all tears and hugs. There was a part of him which knew Rachel had prepared his mom in some way, and he was silently thanking her for it. He slipped his phone out of his pocket to see if Rachel had replied to his texts. Considering he's sent her an easy on safety away from him, he was unnerved when all he got was a simple reply of "stop worrying". He rolled his eyes and waited for her in his room.

When it got to half five he started to panic a little bit. She was meant to be home and hour and a half ago, but Finn was still waiting anxiously. His mom came to his room about 45 minutes ago with the cookies which had been waiting for him. Carole found him pacing and looking out the window whenever he was at that end of the room. He was breathing heavily and his phone was on the chest, opposite the window across the room, so essentially he was walking from window to phone and back again. She suggested he played the drums to calm down. So that was where he was now, but not playing the drums, they didn't work. How could they? They weren't Rachel, he needed to see her, hear her, and know she was alright. Her phone must be full of text from him, but she hadn't replied.

Sneaking into the house was easy. Carole told her Finn was in the basement and on the drums so he wouldn't hear. All she had to do was get in the house and quickly explain to Carole what happened and see how much she knew from Finn which would explain her secretiveness. As soon as the door closed Carole was on her.

"Well?!" The older woman hissed, as if Finn was right there and could hear every word.

"Well, what?! I told you, he just can't know. He'll freak out and I'll never be aloud out of his sight again!" She hissed back, but not really understanding why she was hissing.

"I worried when I got your text! But then I googled it, everything should be fine."

"I panicked too, but daddy said it should be alright, but we went to the hospital, just in case, and I was fine, so was baby. But please, Finn doesn't need to know!" She stripped off her coat, and looked round, sure Finn was about to come out of nowhere and find her out.

"I won't, I mean, I don't like lying to him, back he was pacing and started to scare me when you never answered him and were late, so God only knows what he'd do if he finds out you fell-"

"Shh!" Rachel interjected.

"Okay, I'm sorry! How did you do it anyway?"

Carole tend her to the living room and Rachel hobbled behind, "I was coming downstairs and just lost footing, my ankle is what hurts most," she sat on the coach, taking up most of it by putting her feet up and examining her slightly swollen ankle which hand a light purple bruise alright starting to form.

"Right, but you're 100% sure everything else is fine? Because he should know you're back."

"Okay, I'm fine. Go fetch him." She grinned at Carole and trapped the blanket hanging over the back of the couch to cover her bottom half, including the ankle, making sure it was out of sight from Finn.

It didn't take long before she heard him bounding up the stairs from the basement and to her side. He knelt down and began stroking her bangs off her face with one hand while the other was on her stomach, "where were you?" He kissed her cheek, "I kept texting," he kissed her forehead, "but you didn't reply," he kissed her nose, "are you alright?"

"Finn, baby, I'm fine, just tired. And daddy and papa wanted to watch funny girl with me, which is why I didn't reply and why I was longer. I could leave halfway through Barbra, now could I? I hope you weren't too worried about poor little me?" She smiled and curled his hair behind his ear, lazily.

"Of course not. I was the right amount of worried," he lied and she knew it, but they had gotten so comfortable with his condition they every now and again she was able to tease him ever so slightly, "you look really tired, do you want me to take you upstairs? Mom made you cookies, but it's almost diner time, you could have diner then the cookies, but nap before, and the couch isn't very comfy, so I'll carry you, if I can, or I could make the couch comfier, I don't want to trip with you on the stairs, that would be awful," Rachel let out a stifled cough at how ironic his rambling was.

"No, it's fine," she stopped him, flustered, "just tell me when diners ready and I'll come in, but you're right, I need a sleep."

He gave her a lopsided grin as she settled back into the couch and he pressed a kiss to her forehead and pulled the blanket up so she could snuggle down, "okay baby," he whispering getting up, "I'll call you in about half an hour or so."

He left and she was alone. She could hear the distant murmur of voices in the kitchen and the clinking of pots and pans. She could keep this a secret, at the moment he didn't suspect a thing; it would be easy to let it go unnoticed.


	18. We Will Always Be Part 3

**_Note: Hey! So I'm currently away from my computer, but will upload directly from the IPad, but be warned there will be mistakes. This chapter was kinda hard to write due to Finn, its had to write about something I've never experienced personally, but i tried, sorry if it sucked. Anyway, enjoy! And review! _**

**_Xx_**

"Rach, babe?! Rach, we're ready!" Her eyes sprung open at the sound of his voice and the chance of food.

"Coming!" She threw off the blanket and swung her legs over the side of the couch to stand. Rachel placed one hand on the arm of the couch and one on her ever growing belly as she heaved herself up. Every time it got harder and harder, she kept trying to think of new ways to get up from the couch, bed, car seat, it was fun but also draining. Once on her feet she took a moment to compose and exhale, subconsciously putting her weight on one foot. She took a step and nearly fell. "Crap!" Her arms flew out in front of her for balance.

"Rach? Was that you? Everything alright?!"

"I'm fine! I'll be right there!" Her reply was quick, because she knew he would be by her side in a second if she's left it any longer. Hiding the light purple bruise would be easy, just resort to her knee highs, but the limping, she'd have to get creative.

True to her word she limped her way to the dining room where a spread of bread and salad was already on the table, she could smell the lasagna cooling in the kitchen and it made her tummy rumble.

"Hey, baby. Have a good nap?" Finn put down a plate and walked over to his wife, wrapping an arm round her waist and leaning down to kiss her forehead, "what's with the flamingo stance, Rach?" He looked down with a grin on his face.

Immediately Rachel put her whole foot on the floor, she'd before been standing with it hovering in the air for comfort, "nothing, just testing out my balance, it's common for pregnant woman at 30 weeks to suddenly have this super strength in their legs, so I was testing it out. You know, due to the extra weight we're carrying on top, it strengthens the thighs and calfs," she smiled brightly at him as she lied, not that he'd know, she spoke with such conviction she almost believed what she'd said. It was clear that Carole didn't agree with what she was doing, what with the look on her face as she stood in the door frame with a jug of water for the table.

"Oh, that's cool, you're like a super hero now," Finn continued as the two woman exchanged looks without his knowing.

"Yeah, I am, I guess," her eyes were glued to Carole's and she looked at her disapprovingly. She knew lying to Finn was wrong, but she was protecting him, from himself. She knew her husband, she knew what would happen if he knew she and their baby were put in any danger, "can we eat? I'm starving," quickly averting her eyes to the table of food laid out in front of her.

"Sure, I mean of course." Finn let his grip loosed and took his place next at the table, as did Burt opposite him. She took her spot next to Finn, but before she could sit fully he put out a hand to stop her, jokingly he asked, "what was that?"

"What was what?" She smiled back.

"That walk? You looked funny. Didn't she?" He looked over to Burt for conformation.

"Kinda, but it's Rachel, like Kurt I just put stuff like that down to dancey things," Burt piped in eyeing a piece of bread in front of him.

"Exactly!" Rachel nearly screeched and all eyes were on her as Carole brought through the last of the glasses and sat down next to her husband, "I mean..." She looked round nervously, "it's a dance thing. I...umm...I read in one of the books that dancing its good for the baby, the movement, it's...umm...soothing for the baby..." She smiled round the table as a set of perplexed faces looked back at her.

"Oh for God's sake, Rachel!" Carole finally found the nerve to say what she wanted too since Rachel's bazaar explanations began.

"For God's sake, what?" Finn suddenly looked at his mother, completely confused as Rachel sat down and glared at the older woman with a look as if to say 'stop it, for his own good'

Ignoring the daggers Rachel was giving her, Carole continued, "just tell him what happened to your ankle!"

"Ankle?" Finn's gaze went straight to Rachel, "are you alright?" He asked quickly and she could already see the panic in his eyes.

"I'm fine," she glared harder at Carole, knowing soon she's get her chance to say, I told you so.

"Fine? What happened?!" Finn hands were rubbing her knee soothingly, but she could hear his breathing pick up pace.

"I tripped," Rachel said quietly and her gaze dropped to the floor.

"Tripped?"

"I fell."

"Fell?! What? No, how?" He hand were now off her, and the last of the calmness he had disappeared.

"On the stairs."

"You fell down the stairs?!" Finn was on his feet barring down at her, "I told you to be carful, I told you to stay safe! And you fall on the stairs?!" Both Carole and Burt were looking up at him at a complete loss of what to do, they'd never seen Finn so angry and jumpy. Carole's hand reached across the table for his, but he tensed and pulled away, "how did you fall Rachel?! How did you fall? Like that time on stage, on your back? Or...or..." He pleaded with her for an answer with tears in his eyes, "tell me!" He demanded after Rachel was quiet.

"Finn-"

"No, mom! She has to tell me!" He practically yelled at his mother.

"Carole, please, leave it." Rachel finally spoke up and she did as she was told, "I fell on my side. It was the last two steps and I lost footing." Rachel was looking at Finn calmly, but stayed seated. She knew what she was doing she's done this a few times before and knew what he'd do, "Burt? Could you pour Finn some water, please? He'll need it in a minute."

Burt did as he was instructed, never taking his eyes off Finn as he ran a hand through his hair and tugged on it slightly.

"I should have been there! I told you I would come with you!"

Carole noticed her son's hand trembling through his hair and at his sides, and he stooped a little as he tried to stay on his feet, but while watching she did nothing. For starters she didn't know what to do and Rachel had told her she had it under control, how? She had no idea, when Finn looked about ready to fall over.

"Baby, I'm fine. Daddies took me to the doctor just incase, and everything is fine. Both of us are fine." Finn went quite, you could only hear his heavy irregular breaths. Rachel got to her feet and tentatively held out a hand. Surprisingly Finn took it, and she led him to the wall, where she allowed him to slide down it until he was sitting. She then processed to kneel with difficulty next to him and place his shaking hand on her belly, "see, he's super hungry right now, can you feel it? That's because there is all this food laid out and he can smell it, okay baby? So can you take a deep breath for us?" Finn looked at her and took a breath, "good, and again, keep doing that, okay?" She put the back of her hand on his forehead, he was really warm, and sweating slightly, "you keep doing that breathing for me, okay. I'm going to grab your water for when you're ready," and hand slid to cup his cheek, "everything is alright, only 10 weeks to go, think about that! Think about holding him for the first time, how magical that'll be. I bet he's as handsome as you, don't you?" She tried to get up, but Finn had grabbed her dress to hold her down, and his eyes were locked on hers, "okay, baby," Rachel settled back down and held his palm to her bump, "I won't go anywhere until you're ready. Carole?"

Carole suddenly snapped out of her trance, "could you bring me the glass of water?"

"Yes! Of course!" Immediately the woman was on her feet, glass in hand and in no time at all was standing next to Rachel and handing her the glass of water Burt earlier poured.

"Do you want a sip yet?" Finn shook his head and Carole noticed he was now shaking all over.

"What-? How are you so calm, Rachel? Can you see what's happening to him? Finn, drink the water, you're sweating which means you're losing fluids! Finn, you're scaring me!"

"Carole!" Rachel yelled at her, she didn't mean to be harsh, but she dealt with this before and knew what Finn needed, and his mom getting as anxious as him was not what he needed, "Burt can you take her into the other room? These normally last about 10 minutes with Finn, he just needs a bit of space."

Carole paced for 10 minutes while Burt sat on a stool at the breakfast bar, as soon as she heard movement she froze and listened for any news. It was a few moments after the first sign of movement that they heard the stairs creak and the door to the kitchen opened and Rachel appeared. She smiled lightly, "hey."

"Hey? I just watched my son break down and you told me to go away, and all you can say it, hey?" Carole quickly turned on Rachel, completely out of character due to the stress she'd just been put under.

"Carole, please, calm down," Burt got up and put his hand on her shoulder, "how is he Rachel?"

"Embarrassed. He normally sleeps it off now, which is where he's gone," she tuned to Carole who was silently weeping, "look, Carole, he needed space, not you yelling that he was scaring you, that makes it 10 times worse." Carole wanted to interject, but Rachel continued, "I know, it was all new to you and you didn't know how to handle it, but I do, which is why I was calm, that's what he needs in that situation. I'm sorry, but, it's fine now. Now you know." She headed over to a cupboard and putted out some snacks, "I'll take these up for him, if that's alright, you guys eat, I might join you later." She went for the exit, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her. Rachel turned to see Carole.

"Thank you. I didn't mean to, I just-I panicked. And you don't ever expect to see your own son like that. Not my Finny, he's so brave normally."

"And I am never more proud of him after a panic attack," Rachel said a little too defectively, "he's still Finn, nothing's changed. I love me just as much, if not more because of it."

"I know, you're right, I just-"

"I know it's a lot to take. But right now, I can't console you, he is my number one priority, when he's asleep, we can talk more. I promise."

Rachel turned on her heel as Carole called out, "you're going to be an amazing mother Rachel. I know you, and I know you think because you didn't have a mom you don't know what one does, but it's there. All the skill you already have, and not that you need to or even knew it, but you just proved it all to me."

She smiled, but didn't turn round, only continued up the stairs to Finn.

He was lying on top of the blankets, facing the window so she couldn't see his face as she entered. He didn't flinch either when she entered, he simply lay, still, not even her cheery voice could cause any moment.

"Hey, baby. How are you doing? I got you some snacks if you fancy it." She put them on the side table and sat behind him. She looked over his back to his face. He looked angry, furious in fact, "what's wrong, baby? Talk to me, I'm hear to listen," she stroked his hair off his face and Finn swallowed.

"I'm so pathetic," he mumbled.

"What?" Rachel looked disgusted that he could even think that, "you are not, you're far from it, Finn! You are perfect, you are amazing, you-"

"You say that, but I never feel it. Especially when...that...happens, I feel useless."

"Well you're not. I love you, you know that and I think, like everyone else around you knows that you are truly an amazing man," she lent down to kiss his cheek, "because, Finn, you are. We all love you, some more than others," she smiled and kissed the corner of his mouth.

He smiled, mainly to please her, "hey, babes? Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure," she resisted kissing his nose and settled back, lying next to him as he rolled to lay on his other side, therefore facing her, "what do you want to talk about? Or do you want a sleep? Or food?"

"Well, tonight, I wanted to take you on a little trip, but I'm not up for it now, and what with your foot," Rachel looked puzzled, "I wanted to take you back to high school."

Rachel chuckled lightly and Finn looked down at her swollen belly and rubbed big circles round it, causing the dress to hitch up.

"And why did you want to do that?" She giggled.

"Well, that auditorium is our place for big news, and I have some big news," he only looked at his movements as he spoke, not her.

"Oh yeah? What news?"

"Well, I also wanted to take you there, cos of that whole school. I mean, we meant there, we spent three pretty bliss years there together until we entered the big bad world. It was were I met you and realised I loved you." Rachel smiled and put one hand behind her head and rested on it, while the other stroked his cheek, "and it was also where we met Mr Shue. He was kinda our matchmaker, right?" Finn sat up a little bit as he got more excited, "like, he blackmailed me into Glee and he persuaded you to stay, so without him me may have never even spoken to each other."

"Finn? Where is this all going?"

"Well, like you said downstairs, we have 10 weeks left until the baby's here and we haven't talked about names."

"Oh! Well, I have ideas! Billy!" Finn wrinkled his nose, "Herbie, like from Gypsy!" He shook his head, "Brad! Like you in Rocky Horror! Victor!"

"No, Rachel, those are all weird, and I'm pretty sure from musicals."

"Finn, any name we pick will be from a musical, trust me, it will have been used, I have more."

"Don't you want to hear mine?"

"Awww, sweetie! You think you have a say in this! That's so cute."

"Seriously, Rach, hear me out?"

"Fine," she lay back, prepared to not listen.

"Alright, well, back to my original point about school and Mr Shue. I want our kid to be named something which is close and important to us-"

"Which is why Brad is!"

"Rach, shh," she pressed her own finger to her lips as he continued, "so what do both Mr Shue and school have in common? Their name! So, I want to name him, William."

Rachel was silent for a few long moments and her face was impossible to read as she contemplated the thought, "William?"

"Yeah," he whispered, putting his attention back on her belly.

"I like it."

"Really?!"

"Yeah, it's sensible and meaningful. It's perfect," she joined his hand on her belly, "just like he is going to be. Perfect."

Finn was relieved she liked the name, it had been playing on his mind for weeks now and finally he'd got the courage to tell her. It was perfect for them, the place held so many happy memories for them, and their teacher had been such an inspiration to the both of them, being the fan Rachel wanted and the father when Finn needed. And he thought somehow she could link it to Broadway if that wasn't enough for her. They both lay in silence, rubbing her stomach until it rumbled, no kicking, just a massive rumbling sound.

"Rach?"

"Yeah?" She said rather embarrassed.

"Do you wanna go and eat. I'm going to sleep I think."

"Yeah, I'd like that, so would William." She was about to get up, but Finn's hand was still on her belly.

"One last thing," he lifted up her dress to under her breasts and lent close to her protruding stomach, "just in case I'm asleep when you come back up, goodnight little guy, my William."

Rachel laughed, "I do like the name, William Hudson. William Christopher Hudson. That's nice, that's really nice. He sounds like a fine boy!" She rubbed the side of her stomach.

"Really? I mean, I love it, more than words can say, but you can choose a different middle name, you don't have to choose my dads, I mean, I would, but I chose William."

"No, I want it. Plus, when we have a girl I get to call her Barbra," she wiggled her eyebrows playfully, not sure if she was really joking.

Finn continued looking at her belly, tracing his thumb over her popped out belly button, "no, no Barbra. We're calling her Faith. Okay, Faith Barbra Hudson. But you can't have her yet. You're going to get you're Tony as a lead actress in a musical, and Will is going to be talking, and probably at school, so maybe you'll have your second Tony. And we're going to be living in a big house near a good school with a big garden, where I can teach Will how to throw. And when Faith gets here and is older, you and her can be baking from the kitchen and see us playing with Burt when he comes to stay with mom, who will be helping you, and I'll persuade Kurt to join in, with the help of Blaine. Of course Puck will be there, sometimes I think we'll have to have a room for him, until Quinn sees the light and finally takes him back. On Sundays you'll take Faith to dance at Britney's studio. And on those days we'll let San have the kids in the afternoon so we can just spend some alone time together. We'll also have a dog. You can call him Herbie." When he finished he looked up ay Rachel, who had gone silent a long time ago. A smile spread across Finn's face when he saw she was crying.

He shuffled up to her level, leaving her bump. Immediately Rachel's head flew to his chest and she sobbed into his t-shirt as Finn rested his chin on her head.

She mumbled something, but he had no idea what she said, "okay, I love you and everything, but you're going to have to repeat that and not say it to my chest."

Rachel pulled back and swallowed, "that's so perfect, I want it all. You're-you're too perfect."

"I told you I'm not, but I promise I'm going to get you all that. When I married you I promised you the world, and you're going to get it. You deserve it."

"I already have it, I have you."


	19. You Could Make My Wish Come True Part 1

_**Note: So quick updates, cos I want to finish and I have loads of ideas for this story at the moment. I'm also bored! :P and I did notice I got carried away at the end with Fintana, yeah, that's right she's back. But I just fell in love with the thought of Finchel in bed like that. Also !WARNING! Slight smut...maybe...lightly touched on...**_

_**Anyway, enjoy and review! **_

_**Xx**_

It was a blank canvas for him, with the instruction of Rachel. Thank God he'd persuaded her to stop Kurt from having any say in it. Imagine what his baby would be exposed to if they chose to follow Kurt's artistic vision. William would have a room covered in probably designer clothing, Finn imagined there would be expensive fine art hanging from the walls depicting every fairy tale possible. It was a chilling thought, to think his little guy would have to sleep in a room like that, it gave him nightmares thinking about it. No, he told Rachel that this was something for them to do alone, or him to do with her yelling from the rocking chair in the corner. They'd set aside the Friday, five weeks before the due date to decorate. It may have been a bit late, but at least it's getting done. It was taking longer than anticipated tho, due to the fact Rachel would get up and rearrange everything Finn had done, even tho she'd told him to put it there in the first place. And as it got later into the afternoon she began to get more tired and was slower, it would have been adorable if she wasn't so tired and worn out. It was obvious from the start that Finn's baby would be a big one. He just didn't like seeing Rachel struggle so much with her enormous belly. Come forty weeks and she wouldn't be able to stand, he was sure of it. Rachel had always been so tiny to him, and she was still, except for her baby bump. She was truly priceless. Still wanting to do everything like she had before, to the best of her ability , a perfectionist, and Rachel refused to let something like carrying a mini giant slow her down.

He loved to just watch her, he wondered if it was normal to stare at her that much. Plenty of fathers talked about how attractive they found their wife once pregnant, but to him Rachel was in a completely different category on her own. Right now she was standing in the middle of the spare room, which they were changing into a nursery, with one hand on her back supporting it, while the other her in the air pointing to where the mobile will be hanging. Her cheeks was slightly red, from being flustered, and her bangs was getting in the way and she'd constantly try blowing them off her face. She was wearing her black leggings and a tight, long black vest top, casual, but extremely sexy to him. Finn was so caught up in just watching her, he'd zoned out to what she was saying and instruction him to do. Apparently they had moved on from the mobile .

"Finn? Finn?! Are you even listening anymore? Really, sometimes I don't know why I bother!" She ran her fingers through her bangs and then paced the room, with both her hands on her back. He could tell she was in pain, he told her to take a break two hours ago, but she refused. Throughout the pregnancy Rachel had suffered with backache, but it wasn't until about thirty weeks did it get really bad. It was round then she went through another huge growth spurt and gained 2 pounds in that week alone. She relied highly on Finn to get comfy in bed, he was a good hight and just squishy enough for her.

She began to breath heavily to get through the pain and one hand moved to her bump and she rubble circles round her belly button, this, he knew, was an indication of not just the backache, but also that little Will was kicking, and by the look on her face, it was quite hard. He was half dreading five weeks time because seeing her in pain now made his heart ping so imagining labour was out of the question. "Calm down, come on, Rach. We have time, lets just take a break, we have the weekend, lets continue in the morning."

"We have time?! Finn! We have five weeks! There is not time! You can't even learn a dance routine in that long!"

He was a little offended, but let the little jab at his dance ability side for now, "well, you take a break and I'll continue on my own." He got up from his position on the floor and picked up the mobile, hanging it in different positions over the nearly fully assembled crib to see where it looked best.

"Leave you alone to do this?! You're kidding, you can't be left in here alone. You'll break something."

"Rude! I won't, trust me."

"Like that's ever been a good idea. I predict a breakage of maybe one of your body parts, but I'll be more angry if its one of the baby's items, also you'll find a way to burn something."

"How?"

"You'll find a way, you always do."

"Fine, stay. Be all bossy and dare I say stressy. You'll only get more uncomfortable because Mr kicker in there isn't going to let up until you've eaten," Rachel looked at him, tapping her foot, he was right and she knew it, "it's five now, why don't you go nap and we'll order some food or something. I'll work in her until the food gets here. Deal?"

Rachel walked slowly to the door and eyed him up and down, "fine." She said it bluntly, so he had no idea what she was really planning in her head for him.

Working alone was surprisingly easier than having Rachel breathing down his neck every two minutes. He'd finished the crib and had hung the blinds and was moving on to drilling up some shelves. All the time he heard Rachel pottering around in the other room, obviously she didn't trust him enough to just sleep through, but after an hour he heard the door bell ring so he stopped.

"I got it!" Rachel called out and he heard her plod to the door. Finn waited and listened out for voices, but all he heard was muttering then the door close again.

"Who was that, Rach?"

"No one, get back to work, it's gone six. I want it done by seven."

Finn rolled his eyes and took a sip from the bottle of water he let him have, the humid New York May weather getting to him as he worked. God only knows what the warm weather was like for Rachel. He like doing that, imagining what everything was like for her, he'd never know, but it was kinda fun. She'd complained about the weather and heat a lot recently, he knew it must be uncomfortable for her, but there wasn't much he could do to help, except keep a cold drink close by. The amount of ice cream they'd got through in the past two weeks was something else, but it's really all Rachel would eat. Thinking about food was making him hungry, which wasn't surprising as it was now seven and he could technically stop. The nursery was pretty much done, they just needed last minute bits which they should get at the shower tomorrow. So Finn decided to finish for the day and join his wife for a lazy evening.

She wasn't in the living room, or kitchen so she must be in the bedroom. However there was not sign of food cooking, and all the take out menus were in the draw they normally stayed, and not out ready to order from. Walking passed the bin, Finn noticed an empty pizza box on the top and it suddenly hit him what she had done.

Storming into the bedroom with the empty box for proof, "what is this?!"

She barely looked up from her iPhone, "pizza box."

"Yeah, and why is it empty?"

"Because I ate it."

"And what about me? I just finished that nursery, I'm starving!"

"So, I'm carrying your baby, I was starving. I guess I was too 'bossy and dare I say stressy' to order for you to." She was loving this, pregnant Rachel loved annoying Finn, much to his dismay.

"Oh, that's-that's really mature," he walked out the room to put the box back in the bin. He then proceeded to rummage through the refrigerator for something to eat.

"Whatever, it was super nice and super fulling and super...pizzary."

"I don't care Rachel, as of right now, I'm not talking to you."

"Like that's going to last," he looked into the bedroom to see her off the bed and heading to the shower. He could make it last, sometimes he could be good at following through with stuff like that. One time Kurt threw out some of his favourite plaid shirts and so Finn didn't let him in the apartment for a week, until Kurt came over with lasagna. But not talking to Rachel would be easy, especially as she was in one of her annoying moods.

After eating left overs alone, he decided to call it a night and head to bed. His iPad was fully charged so he didn't have to make conversation with her for the night. What he didn't expect to see when he entered the bedroom was Rachel in the same position he found her before on the bed, but wearing only panties and a bando. He knew it was hot and she really felt it at night, but this was purely to toucher him. As he undresses and slid in next to her she kept looking from her screen to her body and back again. Although it killed him, seeing her lying there like that, he did love the view he got of his son. And he was sure from where he lay there was some stretch marks on the side of her huge bump that she didn't know about. He didn't know if he should mention it because she's just freak out. Instead he scrolled down his twitter, not really paying attention, just passing the time. Then,

"I hate you and your genes," she muttered under her breath, catching him off guard.

"I'm not wearing jeans, I'm in my boxers," damn, he broke his not talking rule. That happened when he was confused, the best why to get Finn to talk was to confuse him further.

"Not jeans! Genes!" She was loud this time and wined at him as he continued to still not understand, "look!" She shoved her phone in his face. Finn looked at the screen of pictures, she was on Instagram, and the hash tag was '30weeks' and on the screen was a bunch of pregnant woman.

"So...?"

"You made me huge! Look!" She took the phone back off him, but clicked on a picture of one of the women, "look at her, she's a nice size, and look! No stretch marks! She's not big at all, but still looks pregnant. Her bump is a nice shape too, mines just big and there and in your face-"

"I like it in my face-"

"Shut up, Finn! I haven't finished!" She clicked back on to another picture, "look at this one! She looks gorgeous! She's in a bikini! And she looks amazing! Her bump is perfectly round! Mine isn't! Finn, look! Look at me!"

He sighed and rolled his eyes, she really could be ridiculous. He pulled her phone out of her hand and looked at her. She protested a little at the loss of her phone, but lay still for him to take her in.

"Stop looking at me!" She suddenly yelled and tried to roll over, but he stopped her, "you are such an ass, Finn. I look horrible and you're just staring like some-" she was cut off by his lips on hers. Despite being taken by surprise, it was still insanely good. He hadn't kissed her like this is a long time, normally she would be kissing him to calm down, but now he was in control. Her lips were already parted as she was speaking so it was with ease that his tongue slipped into her mouth. Just before he came up for air, his body hovered above her, and she moved her hand to his hair to pull his face closer and to mess up his hair. When they parted he rested his forehead on hers.

"You, are the most beautiful woman I have even seen. And you just get more and more beautiful every single day. Rachel Barbra Hudson, you own pregnancy, you take the yummy mommy, glowing mother, to a whole new level, one that women can only dream of. I know this little guy is a bit bigger than we thought, but I thank my lucky stars he his, cos you have no idea what seeing you like that does to me," she bit her bottom lip blushing, "do you have any idea how many secret photos I have of you? Loads! Some, quite inappropriate. "Finn!" She tease, playfully batting his arm which had caged her head on the pillow.

"What? You are hot, Rachel, and you need to see that," he dipped down for another kiss, with the same passion as before, but shorter, as he made a trail down her neck, sucking lightly as he got to the junction between her neck and shoulder. The line of kisses continued until he got to the top of Rachel's bando where he tilted his head to look her right in the eye and wiggle his eyebrows, she let out a soft moan at the thought, "not yet, I need to do something first."

"Whatever it is it better hurry."

"Oh, it will," Finn shuffled down her body until he pushed her legs apart with his knee and nestled in between them.

"Really not helping," she said breathily.

"Calm down, some people would think you were begging for it," he teased getting her phone and resting his chin on the top of her bump.

"Well, right now, I am," she withered underneath him, as his body pressed close to hers, "Finn? If you're planing of filming it, think again."

"Stop moving! And I'm not, trust me!" He was holding the phone at arms length, facing him, as his head was propped on her bump.

"It's hard not to move when you're pressing on my...on my..."

"Womanhood?" He said bluntly, they'd been married and together for years, and she still got all embarrassed when it came to talking about sex. He found it adorable, it was part of the old Rachel Berry.

"Yes! That. What are you doing any-ohhhh!" He smirked as she arched her back slightly when he purposely pressed a little harder on her, but it had got her in the perfect position to take the picture.

"Done!" He pushed himself off her and crawled back up the bed to show her.

It took her a moment to compose herself, but when she looked down to see the Instagram of Finn's chin rested on her huge bump, a smile spread across her face, "you two look awesome."

"So does your incredible bump, I think it steals the show!" He cupped her flustered cheek in one hand and turned her face to him, capturing her lips with his, "now," he whispered to her lips, "how are we going to do this?"

Rachel threw her head back giggling as Finn hands crept further down her body.

He woke up early, too early. It was only just starting to get light outside, and Rachel was still snoring besides him. Her hair was a mess from their antics last night, and she'd slept like a log throughout the night, a clear sign that he'd done his job well. He smiled looking at her, but then remembered the events of the afternoon and evening. She ate the pizza, and he practically congratulated her for it. He would have to teach her a lesson, somehow. Finn was never good at revenge. Rachel was, she was subtle and sneaky, he was not.

Realising he wasn't going to get back to sleep, he unlocked his iPad and went about going threw his social networking apps. Santana had commented on the picture they uploaded last night, "take you sexual, perverted games else where. I already feel sorry for my unborn godchild having to put up with you two." He chuckled, and quickly replied "jealous?" He hadn't had a proper catch up with Santana in ages. He never thought it possible, but he missed she little jabs. That would all change later when she came for the baby shower.

Crap.

The baby shower. He knew Rachel would have him on sandwich duty all morning. He also knew he had to decorate the living room and get drinks ready. And of course she'd be on heat the whole time. Just when one argument ends he could feel the next started. Finn thought the last few weeks of pregnancy were supposed to be stress free for both mother and father, they on the other hand had it as stressful as possible. It was then just jumped as his tablet made the incoming call noise. Not wanting to wake Rachel, he quickly accepted and waited for the connection.

"Jealous? Really? I'm more fascinated in how two whales mate! That was mean, sorry, but I still don't know how you did it."

"You are such an ass!" Finn lay back and put an arm behind his head to get comfy, "why are you up so early?"

"I have to prep for this horrific baby shower I'm going to today," she smiled and he wondered if she was really joking.

"Oh yeah? Have fun at that!"

"Wait? You're not going to be there? Really? Who's going to be my drinking buddy?"

"Santana its a baby shower! You can't drink, plus I'm just the sperm and elbow grease in this relationship for now. Of course I'm not going to be there, I've been banned."

"Banned? Really? HA! How did I get invited and you didn't?!"

"I apparently burn and break things. She's been so uptight recently, promise you'll be good today."

"No. I'm never good. Where is this bundle of fun anyway? I suspect she's already making little cakes with nappies on or something sickening like that."

Finn laughed quietly, it was funny, they were actually making those later, how had Santana guessed? "She right here," he switched to the back camera and focused on the sleeping Rachel. She was hugging a pillow round her head and had a leg draped over Finn's waist, her bump, pressing lightly into his side, "ain't she adorable?" He stroked her knotted hair off her face and pressed a light kiss to it.

"You both make me sick. How is she doing otherwise?"

"She holding in there," he kept the camera on Rachel and watched her himself as they talked about her, "it's staring to get a bit much for her, but she loves it still, I think, if I tell her enough."

"Well, that is your job, sperm man. You make her feel special for every second, okay?"

"Alright! I have, most definitely last night..."

"Please! As much as I'm intrigued, I don't want to know. It's like my brother having sex with a strangely attractive dwarf."

"You find Rachel attractive?" He switched the camera back, suddenly feeling a little jealous and protective.

"I wouldn't say she's unattractive...actually I'm sure I have said that. But I lived with her for sometime, and I guess once you get used to the singing and obnoxiousness she's...cute."

"Well, she's mine. How's the proposal stuff going?"

"That's kinda why I needed to talk to you today. We all know I'm our relationship I wear the trousers, you're the one who deals with the emotional stuff, how do I do it?"

"I can't answer that for you! It's Britt you know her better than anyone, do what feels natural."

"Any pointers? I mean, you've done it twice."

"Mean it. That's what makes it special. It doesn't matter where or when, just the who. But you love her, you have nothing to worry about. She loves you too. And she'll be lucky to have you."

"Shut up, you big soppy lump. Or I'll tear up."

"Oh, no! You're melting! The Ice Queen is melting!"

"I'm satan, not the Ice Queen, that's Quinn."

"True. But in all honesty, I wish you the best of luck, but you'll kill it. Maybe do it at a zoo, Brittany would like that, I should have done that! It sounds awesome!" He looked across at Rachel who began to stir, he wrapped his arm round her and she snuggled into him, "look at her!"

"Finn, please. You sound like a teenage girl! Finn! Don't put the camera on her again! We're trying to have a conversation! Finn!" Too late he had the camera pointed at his chest where Rachel's head was nestled. He kept peppering kisses on her head and Santana just rolled her eyes.

"Right, I'm going to hang up if you continue."

"You'd do it if it were Britt, where is she anyway?"

"In the shower, can't you hear her? She's almost as bad as Rachel."

They both fell silent and listened out for Britt, he heard something, it might have been The Simpsons theme.

"I think she's about to finish."

"Ha! She sounds beautiful! Tell her from me."

"Tell her yourself, she right here," Santana peered over her phone and called to Brittany who was off camera, "Britt, come talk to Finn. He's whale sitting and needs to be shown what it's like to live the high life."

"Finn's at an aquarium?!" He heard before Brittany bounced onto the screen. "You're at home, there's no whale!"

"She was being rude, unsurprisingly."

"Is that Rachel? Rachel!"

"Shhh, Britt, she's asleep. Are you coming later, Britt?"

"Of course, everyone is. Can I see her bump now?! I haven't seen Rachel in ages!"

"Sure, wait a sec," he pulled the camera down so half her bump was in shot and the rest of their bodies, she was going to kill him with the unflattering angels he's given her, but he didn't really care. "How's that?"

"Perfect! I love it! It looks like she's eaten one of those fitness balls, but in a good way."

He looked confused and wondered if it really was a compliment, coming from Britt, he took it as one. Rachel nuzzled closer to his neck and he looked down at her. She was nice like this, asleep. She wasn't yelling at him or putting herself down, she was peaceful.

Santana watched the couple on the screen with a hint of a smile on her face, while Brittany continued to examine Rachel's frame, "she reminds me of a large beach ball."

Normally Finn would get offended at a comment like that, but he knew Brittany meant well, "yeah, well she's my beach ball," he kissed the top of her head once more and the hand not holding the iPad moved to caress her stomach, all the time his eyes were still on Rachel.

"Britt, I think we should leave the two love birds," Brittany's eyes were glued to the screen as she watched Finn, Santana was slightly behind her, whispering into her hair but loud enough for Finn to hear.

"But-but-baby!"

"We'll see later, without gigantor getting in the way."

"Okay," Brittany got close to the screen, "see you later baby, and Rachie, but not you Finn, so bye!" Santana moved the phone away from her girlfriend so Finn could just see her.

"I'll catch you later, Dada Finn."

He smirked at the nickname, "I'll make sure of it, Aunty Snix."


	20. You Could Make My Wish Come True Part 2

**_Note: I meant to put this up lsat night , so sorry. My aim it to get this story complete in the week. I'honing on holiday and really want to finish before then so I can concentrate on my next fic which I've been really excited about! Anyway, enjoy and REVIEW!_**

**_Xx_**

It was days like these when she hated New York. It was too hot for a normal person, let alone someone carrying the worlds largest baby. The shower had been going on for an hour and Rachel just couldn't get comfy. She was irritated and restless, everything was annoying her. Half the guests decided to stay well away from her after she yelled they were being disruptive. All she wanted to do was to have a cold bath and walk round in her bando, but no, she was stuck having to make small talk in a stupid dress Kurt made her wear. Despite him telling her it was flattering, she felt huge and was sure she looked like a balloon. The worst part about the afternoon was she missed Finn. She didn't want to miss him, he annoyed the hell out of her most days, but something in her ached when she thought about him. She'd kicked him out as soon as Kurt arrived and hadn't heard from him since. She missed him. He actually did as he was told. He made her feel better. He didn't flinch when she yelled he was useless. He was actually kinda good at the whole supportive father-be-to act. Just then the door bell rang and she waddled over to answer.

"Beach ball!" Suddenly Rachel felt herself being putted into a huge embrace, but before she had time to register what she'd been called, the cheery blonde walked passed her into the apartment calling out, "unicorn Kurt!"

"Sorry about her. She's been excited about this since she saw you this morning. By the way, don't ever let Finn take your head shots, he doesn't capture your most flattering side." Santana stepped inside the apartment and took the door from Rachel, closing in as Rachel still stood trying to figure out what was going on.

"This morning?" She looked at Santana bewildered.

"Oh, yeah, Finn had you on FaceTime after your night of sex. Didn't he tell you? Oh well!" She didn't sound the least bit sorry, and was rather impress with herself for getting Finn into more trouble than he probably was already in. "How is the party? Seems like a bore, how long do I have to stay?"

"I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kidnap him and kill him," she muttered, ignoring her friends other questions as she pushed her way through the crowd of people to the kitchen.

Santana followed, "kill him, yeah, but I can think of better ways to do it."

Rachel reached the sink and opened the window above it to let some more air in, "he is such a pig. Do you know how helpful he's been? Exactly, he does nothing. He thinks this baby is going to be a piece of cake, he's so deluded." Santana stood with her arms folded as Rachel ranted at her, "I want cake, get me cake."

Knowing how agitated the expectant mother was, Santana frantically looked at the spread of food looking for cake. There seemed to have been cake, but it was now gone, all that was left was a few crumbs. "There's no cake, however can I interest you in a greasy mini burger?"

Rachel looked about ready to cry, "I told him we should have made more cake! I told him everyone would eat it! But, oh no! He had to try and be posh and make burgers which couldn't satisfy a fly! Look at them! His own son would be ashamed to think food that size is in this world!"

Santana stifled a laugh, "Rach? Do you want a lie down? Finn said you napped at three," she looked at her watch, "it's gone three."

"Did he say that? Did he really?! He's trying to control me, Santana. I know it! He's always telling me to take a nap or put my feet up. He always gets me diner, sometimes he'll cook and actually choose for me what I should eat! He's awful!" Rachel reached for a cup and poured herself some water, "I feel disgusting," she said in defeat before taking a sip.

"You look it," the Latina relied bluntly, scanning the room for better company. After a few seconds of silence Santana looked back round to Rachel. She was crying. Silent tears were rolling down her cheeks and she let out a loud sob. "Crap." Santana quickly rushed to her side, eager to get her out of here before someone saw. She put an arm round her shoulder and guided Rachel to the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind her. Rachel stood and watch Santana open a window, but she continued to cry.

"Please stop, I don't do the crying thing! Plus I promised Finn I'd be nice, you crying doesn't help my case!" She guided Rachel to the edge of the bed so she could sit down, "stop or I'll have to get personal, and I really just came for the free food."

"I'm a horrible person," Rachel cried.

"No, you're not. I am. I'm a horrible person. You are not." She put her hand on her back and rubbed small circles on her lower back.

"But I'm always so angry at him, always, I'm pretty sure I hate him sometimes."

"It's not a hard thing to do, hate Finn. He's very hatable. Especially this morning, I was trying to talk to him about something important and all he did was kiss you and it was disgusting."

"See! He's so annoying, why can't he just be a ass?!"

"Okay, I'm a little confused..."

"I think I'm jealous of him," her crying subsided a little and Rachel hugged her stomach, "he's going to be a great dad, and I'm just...so mediocre. I look like I know what I'm doing, but...San, it's getting too much. I'm going to be a mom!"

"Shhh, it's okay," she pulled Rachel's head onto her shoulder and stoked her hair lightly, "you are going to be a brilliant mom, wanna know why? Because I've know you for what? Six or seven years, and when you love something, you love it 100%. You never do anything half assed, Rachel. Whether it be your dreams or a person, you have so much enthusiasm for something and you get it. And you'll be an awesome, kick ass mom. You and Finn have been ready for this for so long, and I'm so looking forward to watching the two of you raise a bunch of talented, amazing kids."

"San..."

"Shhh, you don't have to say anything. Just cry for as long as you need. If you want I'll kick these boring weirdos out, or you can fix yourself up and come back out in a minute."

"San, it's okay, you can call Finn."

"Oh, thank God!" She let out a loud sigh and pushed Rachel off her, "crying pregnant women are not my thing!" Santana left the room on her phone.

Get your ass here. Your beach ball needs you.

She scanned the room looking for Brittany and as she spotted her heading to the balcony her phone beeped.

What? What's happened? Is she alright? What did you do?

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. Offended that he thought she could have possibly done something to upset his pregnant wife. She was typing out a long reply making him believe something terrible had happened when a second text from Finn came through.

Tell her to hold on, whatever is going on. Tell her I'm right there, I'm coming as fast as I can. Tell her I lover and I'm coming.

Santana blinked a few times at the urgency behind the message, but then remembered.

"Crap." This time the 'crap' was more panicked as she realised there was a small chance she might have just sent Finn, her best friend, yeah, best friend, into a panic attack somewhere on the streets of New York.

"Crap, what?" Santana nearly screamed in shock when she swirled around and saw Kurt standing a inch away from her. He must have been trying to look over her shoulder at her texts, whether is succeeded or not, she didn't know. "And where is Rachel? She's making my nephew miss his own party. And the dress I gave her cost a lot of money, she better not be hiding somewhere, that dress deserves to be seen!" She let out a long, slow, silent sigh. He hadn't seen, she was safe. "Oh, and you better text Finn back, quick. Carole says he gets really bad in one of his panic attacks and only Rachel can calm him down." Kurt shrugged and walked off. Crap. She thought again and frantically started texting Finn back.

Calm, it's nothing. She says she just wants to talk to you. Calm down. She's happy and safe.

Santana could only hope he got the message before anything happened. She was about to step out to the small balcony and join her soon to me fiancée when the front door flung open and Santana's fears where almost confirmed.

"Where is she? Is she alright? Where's Rachel?!" She quickly changed direction and rushed to Finn's side glaring at a few snooty woman she assumed Rachel barely knew.

"Finn? Finn?" She clicked her fingers in front of his face to draw his attention to her, "she's fine, okay? Just breath nice long deep breaths, then I'll take you to her, but I don't want her to see you like this. She's not in the mood to calm you down," she pulled him into the kitchen where is was quieter. Unfortunately Kurt was well aware of his brother's entrance and followed the two of them.

"See? You see what you did?!"

Santana snapped round to him, "you are not helping. Just get out, I've got this. I've seen Rachel do it once, he broke down in Starbucks. He actually dropped our order on the floor, and after I was angry I paid attention to what she was doing."

Kurt rolled his eyes and placed his hands on Finn's shoulders to calm his shaking, "he sent that text, what? 3 minutes ago, perfect. It takes 3 minutes for a panic attack to start and for the brain to get the message to release adrenalin, and it also takes 3 minutes to stop it, if you stop the panic attack as soon as it starts you'll stop the panic attack," she looked at him perplexed.

"You should like you swallowed a medical journal."

Kurt merely shook his head and continued to look at Finn whose eyes where darting all over the place, "all we have to do is stop the emergency message from being sent to the adrenal glands."

"Seriously, Lady Hummel! What are you saying?"

"Four steps to stop a panic attack," Kurt continued, "relax. Well, you got him breathing well, now all you need to think, Finn, is that this is a panic attack, and nothing more."

"Well, duh!"

"Not helping. Next step, stop negative thoughts. Finn, I need you to yell 'STOP' in your head," Kurt turned to explain to Santana, "it stops the message in the brain sending out the adrenalin."

"You sound like you've been watching too much Grey's Anatomy."

He tutted and continued, "done that?" Finn nodded and wiped his sweating palms on his trouser legs.

Kurt was too busy to notice, but Santana took a step closer and took his hand in hers. He flinched, but only slightly before looking down at her, she gave him a weak smile and his hand a squeeze, "it's okay, take your time," she said in a low, calm voice. She could have sworn he smiled back before turning back to Kurt, nodding a little more enthusiastically.

"Coping statements. Finn just tell yourself that everything is fine, because it is. You're just having a panic attack and will be over as soon as you've calmed down."

He opened his mouth, but for a moment nothing came out, "I'm just having a panic attack, it'll be over when I've calmed down." He repeated over and over while Santana said it with him.

"Okay, finally, accept your feelings. You're scared about Rachel and the baby? You're scared they're not safe when you're not around and that you'll lose one of them?" Santana looked concerned as his grip on her hand tightened.

"Kurt! Stop, that's not helping. Look at him." She put a hand on his cheek forcing Fin to look at her, "Finn it's reasonable to feel that, but they are safe and fine. You are doing the most amazing job in keeping her and William safe. It's okay to be afraid, but they're safe and so are you, " his eyes began to focus and Kurt released him from his grip, but Santana still held on, "do you want some water?" He nodded and Kurt found him a glass. "Okay, you are fine, more than fine. Now, you ready to see Rachel?" Kurt handed him a glass and Finn nodded. She waited as he sipped. Once he was done she led him to the bedroom, in silence until Finn finally spoke.

"Thank you."

"Finn, don't. You don't have to. I get it. You're my friend, and seeing you like that just reminds me of how great you are. Oh God...that sounded nice, eww, go away before I'm forced to actually hug you!" He chucked and she began to walk away, but he still held her hand pulling her back. She looked up at him, and he looked genuinely sinister and grateful, so she gave in. Rolling her eyes she almost skipped back over to him and wrapped her arms round his neck, pulling him down for a hug. It was something she's never really done before, but it felt right. And watching him have that panic attack showed her how strong he was being all the time. Combined with what Rachel had told her earlier she clenched her her shut as not to cry, she'd done enough emotion for one day, but somehow she couldn't help it.

Finn moved her hair from his face and whispered to her, "Britt is waiting all alone on the balcony, I think now could be a good time. Just as long as Rachel doesn't find out and you steal baby Hudson's thunder."

She pulled away and he saw the tear stains on her cheeks, "yeah?"

Using the pad of his thumb he wiped away a tear, "yeah. Good luck."

She smiled and walked over to the balcony. And Finn went into the bedroom.

Before heading for the balcony Santana saw Kurt standing alone looking majestically out the window. She rolled her eyes at how dramatic he looked and wondered if it was on purpose. Maybe it was he hug with Finn which made her soft and want to talk to him, or maybe she was actually turning human and did have a heart deep deep deep down. Whatever it was she wasn't sure if she disliked it or not.

"Well, this party blows. Didn't really know what to expect, but after the last Rachel Berry party, it was more than this." Kurt didn't reply, he continued to look out the window and barely acknowledged she's approached him. "How did you know what to do, before, with Finn."

He was fiddling with his top button and still didn't look at her, "when you find out your brother suffers from something like that, you'll do everything you can to be prepared." She swallowed and watched him closely, "Carole told me it scared her, seeing Finn just loose it when he's normally so together. And it scared me. I don't think anyone quite understands what it's like to witness someone who you claim to know so well loose control like that." She had to agree with him, it was the second time Finn had had a panic attack in front of her, and it didn't get easier. "But the worst thing is, he's ashamed. They both were when they found out about the first child. And something tells me if we'd known, if we'd helped, maybe, just maybe things would have been different."

They were both silent and Kurt continued to stare out the window thoughtfully, "we can't think like that. There is nothing we can do except be there for them now."

Finally Kurt seemed to snap out of the trace and he smiled brightly, appearing almost as himself, "you're right. Life goes one. And if those two aren't going to host, I certainly won't turn down the opportunity." He gave Santana a nod and disappeared into the crowd.

Rachel almost didn't hear Finn enter. It was only when the door closed did she whip round to see him. Her bottom lip began to tremble and he wondered what was going on, especially when she rushed into his arms. In no time at all she was across the room and had her arms wrapped round his waist, her face buried in his shirt. He stood for a moment, with her like that, before he too wrapped his arms round her.

"You going to tell me what's going on?" He asked sweetly as she tilted her head to look up at him.

He looked tired and warn out, part of her was sure she'd done that to him, she'd made him like that. "You're really warm," she tried changing the subject, being more concerned for his welfare than her own problems.

"Yeah, I..umm...I was worried, about you." He put his hands her on her arms, rubbing up and down soothingly.

"Finn, you didn't-?" But his look of disappointment at himself only confirmed it, "baby, I should have been there! When did it happen?"

"Rach, it's fine. It was a few minutes ago. San and Kurt where there, I'm fine. I'm more concerned about you. San said you needed me."

"I...I," it should have been easy to apologise, she knew she had been acting awfully towards him, and was blaming the pregnancy, but something kept making her get this hug lump in her throat.

"Baby, it's okay, talk to me." He tried to pull her close again, but she stepped away, leaving Finn confused and a little heart broken.

"Don't," she whispered.

"Don't what?"

"Don't be nice to me. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you."

"Rachel, baby-"

"NO, FINN!" She threw her hands up as he couldn't grab them, "I've been so awful to you. So awful. And-and I'm so, so sorry."

It was the first time in days he'd seen her so sincere, it was kinda refreshing for him. However he still didn't think she needed to be so distressed about it, "Rachel, I know and I get it. It's okay, baby. I forgive you."

She looked down at the floor where she was shuffling on her feet from one to the other, "even though I ate the whole pizza and you were really hungry?"

He smiled and stepped towards her, "even though you ate the pizza. But just promise not to do it again? You diva."

"Okay, I promise. I love you, and I'm so glad I'm having this baby with you. Truly there is no one else on this planet who I'd rather have a baby with. You're the best guy out there," she closed the small gap between them and stepped into his arms again. This time Finn's arms were like a magnet round her, and all she did was stand, just loving the feel of his safe arms wrapped round her, she began to feel all her problem and worries melt away. As long as she had Finn, nothing could go wrong.

"I'm glad you feel that way, because there is no one else I'd rather have carry my baby!" He teased.

"I kinda wish someone else was at the moment," he looked down confused, but her weak smile reassured him, "no, no, not like that, just...he's being hellish today." She moaned and went to sit on the bed, rubbing her huge bump frantically trying to get William to calm down. Finn could only look on sympathetically, there was nothing much he could do, "he keeps kicking, but quite hard and he's pushing down on my bladder and...Finn it's so hot and uncomfortable," she fanned herself with her hand.

"I'll tell everyone to go, if that'll help. We can just end the party here, I mean, we've already got the presents, what else do we need?"

"Finn! We can't do that, these people came to see William and me, so that's just what they're going to get," she waved her hand in his direction, indicating she needed his help getting up. He pulled her arm round his shoulder and helped hoist her off the bed. She let out a moan as soon as she was on her feet.

"Babe, take that stupid dress off, it's not helping."

"I can't go out there naked, Finn!"

"No, put on something comfy, something loose so you don't over heat or something. I'll make sure the armchair is free so you can sit and people can come to you. I'll fill you a glass of ice and water too, sound like a plan?"

"What would I do without you?"

He smirked and kissed her forehead, "if you wear that bando you had on last night, I might accept your earlier apology a little better."

"You're dirty, you're a dirty, dirty boy, you know that?"


	21. You Could Make My Wish Come True Part 3

_**Note: Crap! Well, basically I go on holiday on Monday and still have the final 3 parts to write and post. So this weekend will be fun! I plan on doing it. I have a long car journey ahead of me tomorrow so I plan on writing 2 parts then! :S pressure! Anyway, enjoy the cliffhanger! :P oh...and review! ;)**_

_**Xx**_

Any day now, he kept telling himself. Any day now and he'd be holding his son in his arms. It was a thrilling and also terrifying thought. To think him, Finn Hudson, the guy who thought you could get a girl pregnant in a hot tub without actually having sex, was going to be a dad, any day now. He kept telling everyone that. Any day now. He and Rachel were in a shop just yesterday and some older woman was speaking to Rachel and he suddenly burst into the conversation yelling 'any day now!' Apparently it was obvious, by the way Rachel was walking and such. He loved her. He'd wake up in the morning and see her huge bump under the thin sheets and he'd just smile. She had been marvellous, throughout it all. Never had she doubted him, or them. Rachel had been so strong, and brave even with him the way he was. He supposed it was because of his panic disorder that she had to be extra calm. There were times in the last few weeks she'd cursed and screamed, but when you looked at the size of her it was no surprise. Poor little Rachel, the sooner William arrive the sooner she could sleep well again and walk round comfortably. Technically he was two days late, and Rachel was counting on him being early. Unlucky for her she'd had to out up with two extra days of pain for now, but Finn was doing all he could to keep her happy. Whatever she needed he did. Yesterday he'd painted her toe nails. Despite what he thought, it was actually fun, Rachel couldn't see the awful job he'd done, and they spent the time talking, like they used to, just goofing around and laughing. He liked her laugh, he hadn't heard it much recently, but it came back for him yesterday.

Of course there were these doubts he could never shake. What if the baby gets here and he freaks? He can't handle it and panics. Or he becomes one of those paranoid, over protective parents who the child resents in the end. It was these thoughts which kept him up half the night, tossing and turning until he's worn himself out. He knew it could happened, and that's what scared him and he's sure Rachel feared it too. The way she'd look at him sometimes when they talked about Will. Most of the time he'd talk animatedly, but Rachel would nod with a fake smile and stroke his knee. If he couldn't cope or do it what would they do? He couldn't ask Rachel to choose between him and their kid, not after they'd wanted it for so long, he couldn't even bare to think about not having William now in his life, he was becoming so real. But they would be stuck if Finn had a panic attack every time Will wouldn't stop crying or got ill. He was sure Rachel wanted to talk about it, but feared it would set him off and Finn was sure it would too, if they talked about it, it became real, and he didn't want that. He wanted to believe everything would finally work out for them. He wanted to bring his boy home from the hospital and have him sleep in his arms, and do the airplane game with food, and dress him in tiny football jerseys, and watch Rachel sing him to sleep. He even wanted to change his diaper and be woke up at some ungodly hour and clear up the food he chucks everywhere, he wanted to be a dad and watch Rachel be a mother. No stupid panic disorder was going to stop him.

Rachel was coming back from the bathroom, it was like the fourth time at evening she been, but earlier she complained that William was pushing on her bladder. Finn shuffled up on the couch for her to sit back down, but instead of sitting back down she stared for a moment, thinking. She chewed the corner of her top lip and Finn frowned at her, "everything alright, babe?"

Rachel pouted and stood with her hands pushing her back, making her bump look bigger, if that was even possible, "I don't know."

"You don't know if everything is alright?" Considering her condition he didn't know if he should worry or not.

"No, I'm fine, I just don't know how to sit. He's being annoying tonight, and my backs being killing for the past week," as if right on cue Rachel nearly doubled over and one hand rubbed her stomach as she let out a silent cry.

"At the moment I don't care how you sit, just sit," he got up to help lower her down, he held her hand and she gave it a squeeze to relieve some of her pain.

"See!" She looked down at her belly and spoke, "if you're going to complain, just come out! I'm just waiting for you to give me a sign!" She'd been arguing with him like this for days, but still nothing happened, except one time he gave her a sharp kick when she was particularly loud.

"Baby, I know he's being a nuisance-"

"Nuisance isn't even the half of it, Finn. This morning he woke up and decided to be the biggest pain in the ass to ever be about to grace the earth," she threw her head back as the pain subsided while Finn stroked her bangs off her sweaty forehead.

"I know, baby, I know, I wish there was something I could do to help? Do you want an extra pillow? Some ice cream?" He moved on eh and to her knee and rubbed it gently to calm her.

"You can shut up for the rest of the evening. I've been waiting for this for weeks and if I can't be there because of this annoying...annoying..."

"Baby?"

"Fine, we'll go with that. This annoying baby, I'm going to watch the whole show without interruptions apart from Kurt's texts."

"Okay, I understand, do you want me to leave the room?"

"Actually? Could to go and buy some fudge cake from somewhere? Please? I'll love you forever and a day?" She batted her eye lashes at him, knowing he'd give in to her.

"As it's a special night I will. I'll even go to the cafe and see if it's open to get our special one, how does that sound?"

"Perfect!" As he left the couch she reached up a hand to stoke his cheek and pull him back down for a kiss of gratitude,"hurry back I don't want you to miss too much, plus I don't know when they'll pan to the cast and I want you to be here when they do!"

"I though Beyonce went to the Tonys? Won't they just focus on her?"

"No, Finn! We're up for best musical! They'll pan to us!" The hand which was on his cheek gave him a light smack at his naivety.

"Sorry, sure they will! I'll be as fast as I can, but I have to take the subway and change lines, so I can't promise anything." He got to the door and grabbed his key so she wouldn't have to get up when he got back, "do you need anything else?"

"Nope! Just-crap!" He eyes widened as she cried out and he hurried back to the couch where Rachel's face was scrunched in pain.

"No. No, I'm not leaving you. No way."

"Go! I want the fudge cake!" She yelled through the pain.

"Rachel, look at you! Something's not right!"

"He's been like this all day, Finn! I'm fine, I want the fudge cake, please!" She rubbed her stomach and the pain began to go again, "what are you still doing here?! Go!"

He promised he's be 20 minutes. It had been half an hour and still no word from him. The tables had turned and she was starting to worry about him. Although those thought were quickly replaced by the pain she's suddenly get every 5 or so minutes which now lasted for about 30 seconds. She was coping well she thought, for Rachel Berry. She'd only thrown half the couch cushions at the TV and the screaming wasn't too loud, no one had complained...yet. She was currently trying to find a comfortable position to stand in as sitting wouldn't last long before she needed to throw something. So she put her arms on the back of the couch and bent over rubbing her huge belly.

"Oh sweet Barbra!" She yelled as she tried to cope with another sharp pain in her stomach. It was beginning to get too much, and about 3 minutes after Finn left she decided she was probably in labour and these were her contractions, but she wasn't going to the hospital without him. But he wasn't answering his phone. She panted heavily as the pain faded again and she had a short time to recover. No way could she hold out much longer, "where are you, you stupid, stupid man!"

Forcing herself from her just comfortable enough position over the couch she walked, with some effort over to her phone. It was the tenth time she'd called him, and just like the times before it clicked straight to voice mail.

"Hi, you're reached my, that's Finn Hudson just incase you didn't know-"

"Crap!" She wanted to throw the phone across the room in frustration but that would mean she couldn't leave yet another message.

"Anyway, please leave your message after the beepy sound and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

There was a long beep.

"FINN!" Rachel yelled thinking the volume and tone of her voice who magically make him answer, "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! I DON'T WANT TO WORRY YOU BUT IM ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH TO YOUR CHILD ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR UNLESS YOU PICK UP AND GET YOUR ASS HERE!" She ended the call and the phone slipped through her hand to the floor and she grabbed the sink with both hands tightly as another pain waved over her. She wanted to cry, but she was also too angry to, "I'm not going to swear, I'm not going to swear!" She cried and her face contorted in pain. She desperately

wanted to call out a few choice swear words, but was well aware William could hear her.

Once that contraction was over she knew there was no way she could wait for Finn, he still hadn't answered her calls and there was no sign of him. So slowly and carefully, Rachel found the bag they'd pack for hospital a week ago and got out of the apartment. Lucky for her the elevator was at their floor so it was simply a matter if pressing for the ground floor...while she suffered another contraction. By the time she was on the grown floor she was as fine as she could be in her situation, however she had received a few strange looks from people on the sidewalk as she tried to hail a cab, on her own.

By the time she was at the hospital her contractions were less than 2 minutes apart, and there was still no sign of Finn. The nurse had offered to call someone for her and all Rachel could yell at the poor woman was, "Finn! I want my idiot! Where the hell is he?!" She was getting herself more het up than she should be as she was examined by the doctor.

"Rachel, I know this sounds like a ridiculous request, but please calm down. I need you to now just concentrate on getting this baby out of you."

"WHAT?! No! It's too soon, Finn's not here, he needs to be here!" She tried to get up and was forced back down by one of the nurses by the shoulders, her head tossing from side to side as she begged to be free. "Please, I can't do this without him! I don't know where he is, but he has to be here!"

The doctor looked at the other two nurses in the room, one at Rachel's head and the other next to him, "Rachel, we can wait a little while while we set up the room, but the longer he hold on the more pain you'll be put through. And he can't even be in the room while we deliver, its too dangerous considering the circumstances."

Her eyes shot open, but before she could question what was going on she grabbed the nurses wrist nearest her and squeezed as she went through another contraction. It was at this point it wasn't just Rachel who wanted Finn there, Rachel was holding onto the nurse's wrist so tight she was sure it would break. But Rachel couldn't hear the nurses protest through her own screams. After nearly a minute Rachel was able to speak again, well, yell, "what circumstances?! I thought we just do it here, like that! And Finn wears those ridiculous scrubs and I can laugh it how stupid he looks!"

He cracked a smile, but was quickly shot down by Rachel's glare, "Rachel, surely you were told you weren't going to be able to deliver naturally, no matter what we put you on, there is not way you're pushing that baby through your-"

"Womanhood!" She quickly interjected, "please don't be so vulgar round the baby" she rubbed a large circle round her huge bump."

"Right, your womanhood...anyway, we're going to have to perform a c-section. And we're even going to have to...you'll be completely knocked out. You're-"

"Completely knocked out? But...but...Crap!" She let out another loud cry and the nurse quickly jumped a safe distance away from her, rubbing her red wrist. Rachel screamed and cried, grabbing the arms of the chair so tight her knuckles turned white. "I just want Finn!" She sobbed are the contraction finished.

"We're trying to get him, but right now you're more important. Your little boy seems to be impatient, we really want to get going, Rachel."

"But Finn..." She continued to cry and the nurse returned to her side, dabbing away her tears and sweat with a cold towel.

"Is there anyone else we can call for you?"

She started to get frustrated, could no one understand she only wanted her husband. If Finn missed this he'd freak. He'd be blaming himself for her having to be put out for a c-section, but actually missing the whole thing would physically kill him, "I just want-"

"Finn. We know. We're trying. But if you don't want anyone else we'll get underway." The doctor said it so matter-a-factly it made her want to cry more.

Suddenly she was laying flat on the bed instead of propped up in a sitting position and was being wheeled down the hall to a larger room, she didn't see much, as soon as she entered the room she had another painful contraction causing her to clench her eyes shut and screech so loud she was sure people in Russia could hear. It wasn't long before it passed and her doctor was explaining the procedure.

"We'll put you under and you won't feel a thing, this is potentially more dangerous than your average c-section, but in your circumstances...you'll wake up in a few hours with your beautiful baby boy, we'll make sure he's ready when you wake up, okay?"

"I just want Finn," the corners of her eyes were leaking tears and the doctor finally looked at her sympathetically.

"We'll try and find him for when you're awake too, but I can't promise anything," she saw him bring the mask closer and closer to her face, then it all went black.


	22. You Are My One And Only

_**Note: Due to resent circumstances this will be the last chapter. I had plans to to a little fast forward into the future, but I can't bring myself to write anymore. I lost my hero today and mot me Finn Hudson died today to. I can't write Finchel anymore, I'm sorry. But I'll leave you all with this. It's not completely how I'd like to have finished it, but at least I'm giving you something. I'm sorry if this is an inconvenience to anybody, but I'm sorry and will be cutting all ties to Glee, except Lea, it hurts too much to explain. Thank you for your continued support, it really meant the world to me knowing that you believed in my writing and characters. They got the happy ending Monchele deserved. **_

_**Xx**_

It was strange, waking up in a completely different room to the one you remember falling asleep in. It almost reminded her of when she was younger and her daddies would carry her off the couch to her he'd after watching Funny Girl on a Friday night. The memory was comforting and make this whole experience easier. When her eyes opened, she didn't know what was going on. It was light outside so she slept through the night, by she could move just yet, she was too stiff, so all she knew about her current environment was she was lying in a hospital bed, due to the crisp, sheets under and covering her. However, despite the room change, the scariest thing was the feeling of emptiness. She no longer felt the alien movement inside her or like she was being held down round her abdomen, she was empty. Her hands delicately moved from her sides and slid over her flat stomach, but she winced at the pressure and jerked her hands away when she felt the scar across her stomach. Gone.

It took her amuse on longer to realise what had happened but as soon as it hit her she tried to sit up a little, immediately regretting it as her abdomen ached from the movement. By shuffling her managed to get in a sitting position and frantically scanned the room where here eyes landed on the figure in the corner with their back to her. She'd know that backside from anywhere, and the simple dark wash jeans and white t-shirt he'd left in the night before. Rachel didn't know how to feel, she was angry for him not being there when she needed him, but also just relived he was there now. She wanted to say something, but stopped herself when she noticed him bobbing and whispering something to himself.

"Shhh,shh,shh,shh,shhh,shh. I know, I know. You want to need her, but maybe just a little longer, buddy. I need to talk to her too. Are you really that bored of me, we had a awesome night together!" She could feel his smile as he spoke and it was comfirmed when he let out a soft chuckle, "see, you had fun, I know you did! You want to have a quick nap before you meet your amazing mommy? I'll warn you know, she beautiful, she'll take your breath away. And you have her stubbornness, yeah, yeah you do!" She was close to tear just listening to the conversation between her boys, but she was not prepared for what happened next. Finn arm moved to his front and disappeared from her sight only to he replaced moments later her a tiny almost gargle which was her son laughing, "you like that?" Whatever Finn had did, he must have done again as William made the same noise but a little louder, "okay, little guy, shhh, mommy needs her rest and I don't want you to wake her, so you take a nap, okay?"

"No."

Suddenly Finn turned to look in her direction. She was sitting up and a tear was slowly rolling down her cheek, "can I hold him?" She had to swallow the huge lump in her throat as she spoke. Just the idea of holding her son was overwhelming, let alone actually hold him.

Finn gave her his signature half smile and slowing walked over to her, with Will in his arm, "of course you can, baby." He perched on her bed as he handed over the baby to its mother. "Hold on," Finn scrambled in his back pocket for his phone and quickly took a picture of the two most important people in the world to him, "I wanted to get that for ages."

She laughed and looked down at her baby for the first time. He was perfect. No word could describe it, the feeling of seeing and holding him in her arms. To think she and Finn created that. The two of them had made something so perfect. "He looks just like you. The eyes, the mouth, those dimples, it's the spitting image." She wiped the pad of her thumb over his cheek and watched his eyes flutter at the contact.

"I know, that what the nurses said. I hope he's not all like me."

She looked up in surprise, "how come?"

"I want him to be as driven and talented at you. I want him to have dreams as big as yours and reach them. I want him to never be afraid of what life throws at him, or try and hide away from the hard stuff." He joined her hands by swiping his finger delicately over William's forehead, "William Christopher Tony Hudson," Finn muttered, in a trance by his child, "a little hell raiser."

"Tony?" Rachel looked at Finn again.

"Yeah, Tony, cos of the night he was born. Plus, come on, he can't he half Berry and not have that in his name."

"I love you," with one arm holding William, the other wrapped round Finn's shoulder pulling him close for a hug, "but where were you? I was so scared, Finn, where the hell were you?!"

He looked right into her eyes and placed his hand on her cheek to sooth her, "hey! Shh, don't get upset please," it was then she noticed her hand was shaking slightly on her cheek and his eyes were red and there were heavy bags underneath them. It reminded her of the time when she fainted on stage and Finn had need so angry at the hospital.

"I'm sorry, I just...I needed you..."

"I was stuck on the subway, it broke down after I picked up your cake, which is just over there waiting for you," he gestured to a small brown paper bag on the nightstand, "anyway we were stuck for ages and I could get any signal, so I didn't get you message. When I had to change I went out the station for some air after being stuck down there for so long and suddenly all you messages came through. Of course I panicked, it was embarrassing," he looked away from her now, too ashamed to make eye contact, "loads of people just stared and I was crouched next to the steps to the substation, but then I remembered all that stuff Kurt did with me and it wasn't so bad. Anyway, I was only 2 blocks from the hospital so I legged it, just in time for the nurse to tell me you'd just been knocked out. I freaked again, of course not knowing why they'd done that or why I couldn't be with you," he looked back up at her again, "I wanted to hold your hand and stroke your hair and tell you it was all going to be okay, but I couldn't. So I waited a bit, then they told me everything was okay and Will was here and they let me see him right away. He was crying, but as soon as he was cleaned up and put in my arms he stopped." A smile crept on his face but soon faded, "I tried to see you, as soon as they said it was over and they clean Will up, but I wasn't allowed near you. All I saw was you being wheeled out to a recovery unit or something, and Will was being taken in another direction, and I wanted to stay and be with you, but I couldn't leave him, he cried when he wasn't in my arms, but I swear your face!" He stopped and looked at her, on the brink of tears, "you were so pale, and you didn't move Rach, I swear to God the first thing I thought was..was..." He couldn't finish, but she knew what the thought. Finn's mind had a tendency to jump to conclusions and panic, "anyway the doctor guy said you did marvellously, and I was so proud of you! I still am, so proud. My baby girl did it! You finally did it, and I could never thank you enough for being so amazing, Rachel."

She let out a sob, but didn't want to be too loud and disturb William, who was slowing drifting off in her arms, "I can't believe he's actually here."

"You better believe it. Now we're got to figure the rest of it out."

"When can we go home?"

"In a couple of days, they want to monitor you a bit. But then we're free to go."

"Aren't you going to go home and get some sleep? You look shattered," she now reached to stroke his cheek and immediately Finn looked away from her and down at their baby boy.

"I'll live, I don't want to leave you, either of you."

"But my dads should be coming down, aren't they...?"

"Crap!" Suddenly Finn jumped off the bed and scrambled for him phone, frantically going through his contacts.

"You didn't tell them?! You're kidding me!"

"I kinda didn't tell anyone, I didn't think about it, okay? I was more concerned about getting her for you!"

"So no one knows? Not my dads, your mom, Kurt or Santana?"

"No," he said sheepishly.

"You are unbelievable," William began to stir in her arms and made little stifled noises, indicating their small argument was waking him.

Finn suddenly had a change in direction and headed back to the bed to his son, "shhh,shhh,shhhhh, little guy. It's okay, mommy has you," he lent down to press a soft kiss to his forehead and Rachel watched in ore. Once Will was more settled Finn resumed on his phone, walking just outside the room.

"Hey, mom," Rachel could hear, "ummm...I kinda have some very good, very big news for you...yeah...well how do you feel about coming to New York today to meet your grandson?... Calm down!...last night..." He looked back into the room where Rachel was cooing over the baby, "he's the most perfect thing ever...she's doing great, both a little bit tired...no, I'm fine...look, I gotta call a few more people, mom, but I'll see you soon...you can tell everyone, but Kurt. I'll doing him...okay...bye."

Once he'd called everyone he needed and had been reprimanded my Rachel's dads for not calling soon, Finn made his way back into the room putting her phone away.

"Well, Santana and Kurt are on their way, but I told them-" he stopped when he looked up to see Rachel asleep with William in her arms, also fast asleep.


End file.
